Several days ago I started my new campaign to teach everyone about mermaids. Much like vampires, unicorn womens and a zombies, mermaids are very real creatures that Satan made by stealing God’s DNA and mixing around with other animals. In essence, Satan was Earth’s first ‘genetist’ or ‘atheist scientist’.
To get a good summary and taste of the evidence I’m bringing to the table, we’ll show off our new Animal Planet show Mermaids: The Body Found. This production work follows our teachings and two friends as they share their first encounter with these Satanic sirens reborn.
What we’ve learned thus far is that Satan has been harboring mermaids for years now, secretly hiding them in an area of Earth called the Bermuda triangle. The Bermuda Triangle is an area where Satan has set up some sort of magical demon force field to hide all his genetic experiments and sinful plots behind. You’ll note that God constantly orders his angels to whip up hurricanes in that region and now we know why: God is performing preemptive strikes against Satan’s mermaid armies.
Sure, God could just yawn, snap his fingers and throw all these mermaids in some fish fry and feed hungry children in Africa, but instead he’s teaching us a lesson and waiting for us to discover these mermaids on our own. He’s forcing them to flee from the Bermuda triangle and ‘shore up’ all over the world, just like the mermaid featured in Mermaids: The Body Found.
Called ‘The Bloop’, the first mermaid discovered in America was forced to shore during the 1960s. America was using sonar to search for Commie Soviet submarines that were trying to sneak close to our shores so they could reign nuclear armageddon upon us all. The powerful sonar of our ships must have hurt a group of nomadic or spying mermaids, because the stories given by the USS Mariner reveal ‘angry, demon eyed dolphins with features of a man, banging our ship with their fins and fists. One of them must have been knocked unconscious in the attack, because we found him upon the shores for our naval base and cussing at his in some weird clicking language.”
Since that point in time, the US government has allegedly funded genetic experiments to create a ‘super breed’ of genetically engineered mermaids that were to orginally serve as the new form of NAVY seals.
As we know, not all projects started noble turn out right. These mermaids were eventually used by powerful Democrat lobby groups to usher in an era of ‘experimentation and gay friendliness’. The though presented was allegedly, ‘if we can make these mermaid creatures seem fun, mystical and sexy, we can convince people that kissing a mermaid is fun just like in that Bill Murray movie with Vanna White.’
It figures Bill Murray ties into these mermaids and is funding their research and mass creation. What we cannot forget is that these creatures were originally created by Satan, therefore, by enhancing them we are only helping the worst sinner of all time with his little science project.
Following are real life examples that prove the facts:
The Bloop, or Mermaid Alpha, is actually a merman. This creature was injured after a great fight against a US nuclear submarine. This merman was likely one that originated from the Bermuda Triangle, forced to move after God struck the area with the El Bueno Muerte hurricane in 1892. The DNA from this origin merman is being used to create the G.E. mermaids we’re starting to see pop up all over the place.
This mermaid image was captured in 1998. Then president Bill Clinton cut funding to many important US organizations (namely the US army) to fund perverse genetics. It wasn’t known at the time, but Clinton was allegedly making some ‘personal presidential mermaids’. An unnamed staffer claims this mermaid is housed in a secret facility off the US’ Eastern seaboard.
Another Clintonian mermaid, this one is seen resting on a couch in the Lincoln Room of the White House. Sources cite new-age mermaids can withstand time out of water submersion for nearly 24 hours. When asked about his involvement with these mermaids, Clinton denied it just like he denied spiffing Monica Lewinsky.