New Gay DC Character Revealed to be Batman in Identity
My old buddy Tyson Bowers III and I have long preached about the hidden world of homosexuality in comics. We’ve written hundreds of reports and given many sermons on the issue, so it should come as no surprise that DC is now officially announcing that one of its characters is gay.
Tyson long speculated that the Spider-man, with his subliminal man goo webs of sins would be the secret colon dabbler. I always put my money on Batman, who likes to play batarang the poocave with Robin’s unholy nest!
- Batman and Robin have a long history of playing ‘Mr. Owl’s reverse tootsie pop’ with each other.
DC Comics’ Vice President Bobby Wayne announced that DC’s stance on homosexuality ‘has evolved’. He announced that the character would be a main, established character with a perceived sexuality. That describes Batman to a t.
Batman flirts around with The Catwoman and Jean Gray, but then at every free second he forces his thick, musky legs into deep black Corinthian leathers, fighting off villains and screaming out in deep agony as their whips and bullets rip his flesh. His partner, Robin, dances around in this nightly ritual of masichism until they achieve an exhausted victory, returning to Wayne Manor to slowly peel their sweaty, blood splattered leathers from each other and then to both jump into a sensually hot bubble bath pitched for them by the dainty butler named Alfred.
Then, they give in to whatever relaxes their throbbing muscles.
Now try to tell me that scenario does not scream of hidden homosexuality, my friends. Wayne’s secret should be pretty obvious, but there are still some people who claim that Wonder Woman may reveal herself to be a clamdabbler, or the suspicious Aquaman may reveal himself to be a tuna cave denier.
Either way it plays out, official homosexuality is on the horizon for DC Comics and we’ve warned you parents, comic books are little color slices right out of the devil’s diary for years now. Now that we have the words straight from the horse’s mouth, maybe you parents will believe it.
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Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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12:45 am
HAHAHAHAHHA YESSSSSSS THIS PLEASES ME
(On another note Batman doesn’t flirt with Jean Grey as she is a Mutant and part of the X-Men and Marvel Universe. They don’t have to same continuities.)
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11:41 am
Gay Batman?!?!?!?!?! This only get better and gay by the day!!! I love it!
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1:02 am
If it’s not Batman, my money is on Wonder Woman. All those tight bodies women on Thymescara probably is just too tempting for her, though Aquaman is pretty dainty (but isn’t he married and have a good family?)
How shocking would it be if it were Superman and he dumped Lois.
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1:06 am
I’m honestly surprised you guys haven’t jumped on the gay marriage X-Men comic Marvel released some time ago….. or were none of you aware of that?
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1:12 am
Is this the non-canon female Tony Stark thing you were talking about? Or that Colossus?
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1:25 am
Nope, the Gay marriage was be between Northstar and Kyle’s wedding in Astonishing X-Men #50.
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1:41 am
That’s cute, but nothing compared to what DC is doing. This is taking one of their Big 7 characters and making him/her openly gay. That’s a major shift in attitude for them, who before really refused to take a hardline stance on the issue as Marvel has been more open to doing. Can you imagine if there is a gay scene in the next Justice League movie? Maybe they are trying to give Abe a heart attack.
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2:10 am
Dude, have you totally forgotton about Onslaught in X-Men? Right, the baby that was created from Charles Xavier and Magneto, the baby that was created purely on their fucking hatred and frustration with each other? If that does not SCREAM GAY MUTANT LEADERS I don’t know what does.
If there is a gay scene in any sort of Justice League movie I will sing songs and ride chariots and throw parades because HELL TO THE FUCKING YEAH
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3:21 am
A womens is not allowed to drive chariots
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11:37 am
Just because there are noodle-swallowers at DC Comics doesn’t mean that we in the straight universe are ready to allow or much less tolerate these activities in our comic book heroes. True Christians know the word of God and it doesn’t provide for any deviation that man says is ok. This includes sex perverts, booty buddys and d clam dippers. Keep up the crap DC and Marvel…and let’s see who wins the war!
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2:08 pm
@Abe Stop talking no one likes you
@Jeezwhiz These are comic books, not real life.
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3:30 am
Alternate universes=still canon
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9:22 pm
I love that Adam is so quick to be all OMFG IT’S NOT CANON even though Civil Wars IS Canon as it is used to explain SEVERAL other story lines in the Marvel Universe such as HOUSE OF M, duh! And there was even an X-Men issue with Destiny (At least I think it was Destiny) who explained that Alternate Universes were totally legit and seriously, Marvel has Alternate Universes on it’s Alternate universe just to explain several of the confusing as fuck plot lines.
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1:11 am
Leave it to sexually repressed nerds to finally give up on women and instead give in to the gay.
I fear for a nation where homogay manchildren peddle sodomite filth to children. Especially if they’re going to combine it with free comic book day.
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1:51 am
“homogay”
Still an idiot to use this word?
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2:11 am
Are you still an idiot to not realize that English is a constantly evolving language? Are you still unable to understand context clues or root words?
Liberals need to rely on red herrings because they can’t actually hold their own when it comes to logically sound conservative arguments.
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2:29 am
They never seem to have problems with new words like “blog”, “internet” or “Dutch steamboat”.
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2:32 am
Sorry, Dutch steamboat is a fairly old term. It’s “reverse Dutch steamboat” that’s the neologism.
I blame my brain fade on the fact that I’m using my girlfriend’s satanic Apple Macintosh (or a “dirty Mac”, as they’re known in Britain).
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7:41 am
Good sister, these words are what you call “jargon”. Jargon is terminology, especially defined in relationship to a specific topic or activity.
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7:39 am
Sister, I thought you do not believe in Evolution.
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8:56 am
You are correct, I don’t.
If anything How English has changed over time only provides more evidence for intelligent design. Since English itself doesn’t change without higher thought, much like how god changed the bacteria sample that atheists claim “proves” evolution.
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12:22 pm
Evolving language?
Let’s see what the word “homogay” supose to mean…
homogay = a gay who is more gay
Seriously? Since when can you meassure sexuality? Doest that means that then a straight person can be even more straight? Or a bisexual person even more bisexual?
Stop beeing an idiot. If you want to call someone gay then use the word gay or homosexual and not some “homogay” word with a illogical meaning! And i’m not liberal you idiot. I’m just real.
“They never seem to have problems with new words like “blog”, “internet” or “Dutch steamboat”.”
Seems you forgat that words which you did quote are not new in any way and those words are normal and have nothing to do with beeing gay. Thanks for trying to be smart, smartass.
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12:49 pm
“Since when can you meassure sexuality?”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
Reality check for the so called “realist”.
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3:45 pm
“Numbers between 1 and 5 indicate bisexuality.”
Which means then:
0=heterosexual, 1-5=bisexual, 6=homosexual
However i don’t get how people can scale bisexual from 1 to 5… if you’re bisexual then you are… end of the discussion. There is no more or less. Whoever did made this scale is an idiot.
But let’s get back to my point. Homosexuality is still a sexual orientation same as heterosexuality or bisexuality.
Now even if this scale does meassure sexuality, it only scales bisexuality.
So you’re still wrong by the using the word “homogay”, since it means “a more gay guy”. In which this scale doesn’t meassure. So i’m still real.
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6:51 pm
Your definitions don’t even factor in positions in sodomy. For example the one who is on the “bottom” is the gay one, or say if the sin sacks touch it’s immediately gay.
Besides, homogays prefer the name “homogay” over homosexual or sodomite.
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8:26 pm
“Besides, homogays prefer the name “homogay” over homosexual or sodomite.”
No…no they don’t…Ever try calling a homosexual a “homogay” they usually just laugh at how stupid of a word it is
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2:14 am
“Your definitions don’t even factor in positions in sodomy. For example the one who is on the “bottom” is the gay one, or say if the sin sacks touch it’s immediately gay.”
I didn’t talk about positions in sodomy. If 2 gays have sex then they are both gays (or bisexual). I made my point and you lost on it. Sorry for you.
“Besides, homogays prefer the name “homogay” over homosexual or sodomite.”
No they don’t. Gays like to be called gays or homosexuals and not “homogays”. There are no “homogays”. You still didn’t get my point by using the word “homogay” did you?
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3:46 pm
“I made my point and you lost on it. Sorry for you.”
If you have to insist that you’ve won an Internet argument, you’ve probably lost badly.
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5:31 am
“If you have to insist that you’ve won an Internet argument, you’ve probably lost badly.”
Not my bad, if you don’t like to lose on an agrument. And it doesn’t matter if it’s on the internet or if it would be in real life. It’s still an agrument and i did still prove you that the word “homogay” has a illogical meaning.
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2:27 am
I always knew that Robin was a catamite.
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3:29 am
I got $20 on it NOT being Batman…Mainly because as BatMan, he is very stoic and unmoving even when advances are made on him by CatWoman and other various females…But as Bruce Wayne, isn’t he an established ladie’s man?
In conclusion: Batman dosen’t have the time for women. Bruce Wayne does
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3:33 am
Batman doesn’t have time for women, because his hands are all filled up with Robin.
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3:35 am
More like his hands with blood from the criminal’s faces he’s punched
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3:42 am
Closet cases often resort to violence out of frustration.
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5:05 am
I’m pretty sure his frustration is caused by the fact his parent Were murdered by a criminal…I’d be pretty pissed off too if my parents died in front of me…or not, idk
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6:17 am
You would also be “pretty pissed off” if you had to suppress your urgent, throbbing, blue-veined sexual desires for the sake of comic book/movie sales. *cough* John Travolta *cough* Tom Cruise *cough*
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12:40 pm
Batman is sooo gay. Why is he not married?
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1:09 pm
Probably because ever girl he meets ends up trying to kill him…
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2:18 pm
i find that to be extremely hot!
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2:20 pm
Couldn’t agree more actually!
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2:27 pm
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Marry Me O.O ………………………………………………………….
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2:27 pm
MARRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2:31 pm
Sorry Alison…But I have a girlfriend >.>
But I totally would if I was single!
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10:41 am
If by girlfriend you mean masticating your own tail…
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10:51 am
no no not like that i mean join my Legion of Sane people on Christwire
Im, “Married” to about 46 people
we say married because it’s untill the death of Christwire do us part,…. if we want
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11:51 am
@Julian: how does that even make any sense?
@Alison: Oh! In that case, he’ll yea I’ll marry you!
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12:13 pm
Hahaha! that makes 48 People now!
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3:27 pm
ku-klux-klan fuckers!!!!!!!!!! Disgusting confederate supporters.
FUCK THE SOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!
LONG LIVE SECULAR-HUMANISM!!!!!!!!!
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4:09 pm
“Batman is sooo gay. Why is he not married?”
Probably because batman did read Blacnhes article “51 reasons why women be always be paid less than man” where’s writen that “women make man stupid”.
Oh… so that’s why you’re so stupid August :O
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6:59 pm
Dude Batman is my favorite! And its very odd that I would be attracted if he were gay. But I dont think DC would change Batmans sexuality even though every woman is out to kill him (very sexy btw.) Too old to change.
p.s. You mix Marvel and DC far too often
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7:17 pm
I’m tryin to think of Batman’s relationships with the first female Batman characters off the top of my head.
Talia al Ghul: was meant to be married to and together lead the League of Assassins…BatMan left due to the fact he tries not to kill people…
Harley Quinn: Joker’s girlfriend…Hates BatMan
Cat Women: has a flirtatious relationship with BatMan
Poison Ivy: positive she wants BatMan dead…
BatGirl/Oracle: professional relationship…
Can anyone think of anymore?
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7:39 pm
me,…….
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9:18 pm
Batman doesn’t have time for love.
He’s got villains to beat the crap out of.
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10:39 am
None of the DC Women are ugly enough to be lesbians.
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3:37 pm
Since when onyl ugly girls are lesbians?
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4:46 pm
Obviously, someone has never seen Lesbian porn.
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5:47 pm
Hey CD! Found this For ya!
http://celebs.icanhascheezburger.com/2012/05/23/funny-celebrity-pictures-butt-butt-butt-yeah/
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2:48 pm
OH MY GOD THAT’S MY SCREEN SAVER. I love that gif LOL
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5:47 pm
CelestialDeth, Obviously someone has never seen (REAL lesbian) porn.
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5:34 am
Have you?
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8:59 am
i have!!!!
Super HOT!!!!!
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2:50 pm
Do you doubt my prowess for scouring the internet for porn? Because I’m very good at that.
Also yes, Lesbian porn is super awesome, and so is gay porn and regular hetero porn. All porn is magical and awesome.
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3:29 pm
For Porn is the element that binds us as one!
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11:13 pm
“Either way it plays out, official homosexuality is on the horizon for DC Comics and we’ve warned you parents, comic books are little color slices right out of the devil’s diary for years now. Now that we have the words straight from the horse’s mouth, maybe you parents will believe it.”
Yeah, good luck getting rid of homosexuality by telling parents that Batman is gay. Just be aware of, y’know, the lots of ACTUAL homosexual characters found in comics and other media. You have a long road down before the end. =)
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12:10 pm
HEY GUYS! The gay character has been revealed. It’s The Green Lantern in case you all wanted to know.
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12:14 am
It’s not batman it’s going to be green lantern. Abe you remind me of jerry sandusky
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