The Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Man, The Piper’s Ballad of Niki McElory
Enticing the male eyes to look upon her chocolate toned leg flesh, Hollywood actress Niki McElroy is emptying the homes of suburban housewives and teaching ‘soul sistah’s’ how to succesfully net themselves a white man. Do you know where your husband/boyfriend is right now?
Actress and best-selling author Niki McElroy has abandoned the world of giant chocolate Satan scepters and delved into the world of strong, working American men. In her new book ‘Black Woman’s Guide to Dating White Men’, Niki uses a blend of friendly humor, advanced psychology, and recipes that can lure your man right out of your bed and into a world of mahogany bliss!
Niki Teaches Women How to “Put The Cream in Their Coffee!”
When my good friend Alex Keating called to tell me that he’d interviewed an up and coming Hollywood Starlet who’s been rumored to catch the eyes of NBA superstars (like Dirk Novitzki and Blake Griffin, to name a few) to music stars (Mark Wahlberg and Justin Timberlake), I went into panic.
Some of those names my seem confusing at first look. Before Mark Wahlberg was wooed by the apparently ‘natural Egyptian honey scent’ gently emanating from the silk skin of Niki McElroy in passing, he suddenly changed his name to Marky Mark and made a gang of street toughs called “The Funky Bunch” to try to impress her. Perhaps it was at this moment that Niki began to realize her Isis powers. A quick search reveals many men see her talk and have called her a ‘Los Angeles Goddess Isis Anew’. The strange hold she held over Justin Timberlake and Blake Griffin literally made them turn from white to black.
And don’t get me wrong here. I am extremely terrified of sexy and savvy black women, but I am not racist. I just don’t want them to rob my husband out of my home.
The science here is terrifying. Since 2008, the rates of our husbands being snatched up by the beautiful black women is drastically increasing. They go and create bronze skinned children with sand blonde hair. It’s just not fair. How can we compete with that? There answer is that we cannot!
As if it’s not taxing enough already to got get tans during the summer, having to eat up to keep our curves and all the other that black women naturally have, now they have best-selling ‘how to’ book on how to date white men. I’m really scared right now and you should be to.
I for one am looking for to Mr. Keating’s interview and keeping tabs on this book. Sure, on one hand it’s great that our Republican freed nation is realizing the equality that Christian Republicans Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr., dreamed about. On the other hand though, I’m actually terrified of the new competition. And I’m already married.
This new interview should reveal much into this book and answer many of the questions I have burning for Niki right now.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Amber
Amber <3's you and someone else does too!
10:26 am
You have a HUSBAND!?!? who the fuck would want to look at you!?!?
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5:33 pm
Amber is very popular with the boys in the office.
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6:24 pm
You hypocrite, if it were any other commenter who was popular with the boys you would be calling her a slut and whorelot…
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12:55 am
what office ? the debauchery office ? or some of the office lady porn I see everyday ?
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4:20 pm
Oh you mean she gets raped by them every other day. I get it know.
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4:35 pm
Are you popular with the boys too bitch? You should change the logo on your profile picture,it should be changed to:Whorelot
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10:27 am
Oh, not to mention your a racist bitch
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11:37 am
Today’s women have much to fear. These Mandingilas are just one.
I agree that even I feel their comparative gaze while shopping in the city. My naturally milky completion and smallish lithe hind quarters are a stark contrast to the thick plumpness they commonly carry. Frankly I don’t see the attraction to them. Power walking behind one is like watching puppies fight in a spandex sack.
I’m lucky though, Mister prefers women that glow in the moonlight.
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12:24 am
You are a completely ignorant and racist little nothing who has the nerve to be on a christian site.
Furthermore, if anyone is pushing the interracial envelope, it is the white woman/black man dynamic.
I guess you small hind quarters don’t mind being smashed by a big black “mandingo”.
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4:24 pm
Did i mention that your sex appeal that you are using as an excuse to be racist serves no purpose in that sentence you wrote down?
Fucking satirical site. AFRICA FOREVER
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4:19 pm
What does it feel like to be a racist bitch?
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7:39 pm
Thats what you think, Stankonia! Lolol your husband is probably banging one now! Lol i would! Lol with your ignorant, insecure ass! Lololo
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12:35 pm
If her tried to tempt me with a sip of Ovaltine, I’d tell her no! I am a happily married MAN OF GOD. No worries Amber, I think I speak for everyone when I said temptresses try to lure us good men all the time and we want no one but our wives. Your husband loves only YOU. It’s women married to fly by night boys like John Edwards or Billy Clinton that better be worried!
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12:38 pm
Men are in a similar spot. As soon as a bronze skinned, well-cut, effeminate latino comes along, hard working white men with their little bellies and near-bald scalps have to put their women into quarantine. It is as if they can not hold back their sexual appetite when one of them is around. And i am not talking about those orange skinned 9 to 5 New-jersey-shorians. I mean professional seducers just like this woman mentioned in the article,who specialize in women who already have a man or boyfriend. It is as if they feel the need to diminish another man while taking the prize as well.
And when women fail and fall for it, you gotta wonder. Whats the point of prolonged relationships if you have to live in constant fear of your partner being snatched away?
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12:46 pm
That black woman looks rather comely, but I wouldn’t feel right being intimate with someone like that, knowing that I might accidentally sire a black criminal like Trayvon Martin.
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12:25 am
as opposed to siring a Charles Manson…
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6:40 pm
Why is it that when you guys write an article like this, it’s always the womans fault and not the man’s. You would blame it on the chick he’s with even though he is the one cheating.
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6:46 pm
I could never date or marry a black, I would have to buy a bigger safe for all my valuables and my copper wiring would probably be stripped constantly for more cracked coke cane rocks.
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2:10 am
Seriously? Tell me about how you’re NOT racist?
Idiot.
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10:41 am
He thinks black people aren’t human, and apparently racism in his head is ‘showing respect towards people of a different ethnicity’.
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4:01 am
You make a very good point, Bruce.
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12:29 am
But you would prefer to be more comfortable with it being stripped for meth by the majority of criminals in America who are white?
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7:35 pm
While I disagree with miscegenation I am much more okay with it if it’s a white man and a minority more so than a white woman and a minority.
That being said, I strongly disagree with how these harlots are stealing christian husbands away from honest marriages.
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2:13 am
If the husband let himself seduce, it’s his fault aswell. If he’s honest he won’t let him be seduced. Idiot.
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10:47 am
Victim blaming is wrong.
I mean you don’t blaming the victim when they’re raped, likewise you shouldn’t be blaming the victim here.
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10:52 am
You all blame Trayvon Martin for being shot, and you all blame the women that various men have cheated with, and I wouldn’t put it past you to blame rape victims for ‘dressing slutty’. In fact, I do believe several of you have in the past.
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4:55 pm
Women, especially young attention-hungry girls, can dress just how they want.
However saying that a skirt that barely covers the underwear and a top leaving nothing for imagination can not fuel bad intentions, especially when in affect and not premeditated, is just as wrong as playing the “blame the victim”.
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5:36 pm
“Victim blaming is wrong.
I mean you don’t blaming the victim when they’re raped, likewise you shouldn’t be blaming the victim here.”
Are you serious or just stupid? Or seriously stupid?
How can you compare a rape to a seduction?
In most cases the persons who are raped try to fight back, but are really not able to defend herself. And if you try to say no, the attacker will get violent (this will actually happen in any case).
In seduction however you can simply say “no, go away”. Or is that so hard to? The seducer won’t go violent on you (unless he/she want’s to rape you, but then it’s not seduction anymore).
And then you say don’t blame the victim? The fuck is wrong with you? If the man loves only her wife, then he will be able to say “no” to another women. They have the blame, if they go with another women on their own will.
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7:33 pm
“The seducer won’t go violent on you”
If they’re like Niki McElory they might.
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2:08 am
Might? lol
Why? Because she’s black?
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2:05 am
“The strange hold she held over Justin Timberlake and Blake Griffin literally made them turn from white to black.”
So they are black now? lol
“The science here is terrifying. Since 2008, the rates of our husbands being snatched up by the beautiful black women is drastically increasing.”
White/black man have black/white womens also. It’s normal they pair up with whoever they want. Not all people look on the skin color or religion like some people do… Get over it.
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12:23 pm
They are both black now. If you watched the Clippers game last night, you’ll notice Griffin has horrible passing, horrible free throw shooting abilities and can only dunk. His jump shot does not exist. He’s pretty much a black NBA player now.
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2:49 pm
You’re using black as an insult now and you’d still claim to not be a racist.
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11:23 pm
How am I using it as an insult. Blake Griffin is fantastically wealthy and so is Justin Timberlake. They are both talented in their special ways, but before they dated Niki they had different lives.
When Blake was white, he had nice, crisp passing. He was a student of the game. His free throw shooting stats were near perfect and he had good mastery of the other players on his team. Now, he’s just a lob city dunk machine. High-flying acts are great for Sports Center, but do not win championships.
Look at Justin Timberlake. He used to sing bubble gum pop and act like a little lion cub with his boy band. He used to ‘cry rivers’ when he dated Britany Spears. Now, Timerlake wears leather fashions, drives fancy cars with loud music and raps/R&Bs. He’s dabbled into chocolate and it changed him. He even had a neat set of hair cornrows a year or two ago.
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11:36 pm
“How am I using it as an insult.”
Learn to use question marks, moron. As for how you’re using it as an insult, look at how you described Griffin. You said he basically sucked and then promptly called him a black NBA player.
“Now, Timerlake wears leather fashions, drives fancy cars with loud music and raps/R&Bs. He’s dabbled into chocolate and it changed him. He even had a neat set of hair cornrows a year or two ago.”
He didn’t date anyone black. You’re basically using the word black as an insult now since you’re just blindly calling people black or even saying that ‘dabbling in chocolate’ is bad.
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2:09 am
Nowhere did I say it was bad. Why are you so desperate to paint me as the bad guy here.
Charles Barkley, Kenny ‘The Jet’ Smith and Shaquille O’Neill all agree the Bryan Blake was just horrible and needs to work on his shooting this year. It is a skill that men like John Stockton, Danny Ainge, Steve Kerr, Dan Majerle, Toni Kukoc, Larry Bird and more have mastered and understood. Blake has become all about endorsements, sneakers and high flying acts. NBA should not be all about jive, but good skills. The Spurs have a 1950s feel to their play and you note how good they are.
Also, show me where I said that Justin Timberlake dating Niki was a bad thing? I just said he changed after dating a black woman. I didn’t say it was for the worst, your anti-black Democrat liberal mind did that for you.
Do not forget, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Abraham Lincoln were Republicans.
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1:55 am
“They are both black now. If you watched the Clippers game last night, you’ll notice Griffin has horrible passing, horrible free throw shooting abilities and can only dunk. His jump shot does not exist. He’s pretty much a black NBA player now.”
His skin is not black idiot. And why do you always talk of black people as less worth? They are humans also.
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2:04 pm
Amber, it is okay to be feeling a bit insecure and jealous, as it is the way of your fickle gender. I am sure you upstanding husband just thinks it is adorable that you would question his moral fortitude. He is in all likelihood fairly content to be sharing his marital bed with you, and also values his commitment to the sanctity of marriage so high he would never attempt to stray from you officially.
As for myself, I am quite tempted by the comely lass (especially if she has that fiery baptist passion that so many of her type have), but I feel I just cannot break what is commanded of me in Deuteronomy 22:9, “You shall not sow your vineyard with two kinds of seed, lest the whole yield be forfeited”. As much as her seed would be a tempting one, even if bathed in Christ, it is of a different kind of mine, thus we can never be in a true Christian holy union.
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2:40 pm
Why would anyone want to date a nappy headed ho?
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2:46 pm
Why are you so racist?
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3:12 pm
Why do you waste your time here? Are you stalking me?
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3:15 pm
Why do you waste your time here? And what makes you think I stalk you? Do I follow you to other sites that you go to? Do I send you emails? Do I even know where you live?
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3:20 pm
“Why do you waste your time here?” My picture is on the top. And I post 1/5 as much as you do. You have commented more in 2012 than all 8 people above combined.
Why do you come here? Why do you have so much free time? Do you have any friends?
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5:38 pm
Why do you never bother to actually prove I’m wrong? Why do you sit there on your high-horse and act like you’re better than everyone else? Do you ever bother to think that I’m surrounded by computers damn near 24/7, and that’s why I’m on here so much? I’m quite the multitasker, commenting here and doing other work isn’t that hard for me.
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5:44 pm
Yeah, but to equal you comments for the year, you have to take the sum of top commenters 2-12 (11 total). So don’t you think that is exessive? Maybe a little? For a site you hate? You obviously have no life.
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5:52 pm
You’re still not doing a good job of proving how I’m wrong. If all you can do is attack me based purely on how long I’m on this site, clearly you lack the mental capabilities to actually argue with me.
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5:59 pm
No, I lack the time to talk to you. Do you realize that you are now the number one commenter of all time on this site? That is super pathetic.
You are the attacker. You come here; bash our church and our faith. If anything we defend ourselves to you.
You need banned for your own health.
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6:04 pm
I read all of that as ‘I can’t ever bother to try to disprove you because I know I’m wrong, but god damn my ego won’t let me admit it. Instead of actually trying to use logic and explain my reasoning, I’m instead going to insult you more and more because I’m a pathetic moron who hates all of humanity that disagrees with me and I wish to silence them in any way possible’.
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6:12 pm
Poor LN…. all of your posts are not worth arguing with, I think you have showed that you are not here for a friendly argument, you are here to insult and demean, and my God… the sheer volume of comments you make, I didn’t think someone could have so much hate and spare time. It is long time you reconsider your presence here and why you came here in the first place. August is right when he says what you are doing can’T be healthy… I doont picture you multitasking I picture you pale faced with greasy hair in a dark basement staring with an angry expression at the monitor with blood injected eyes as you ejaculate insult after insult with cheetos coated fingers.
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6:22 pm
“August is right when he says what you are doing can’T be healthy… I doont picture you multitasking”
What are the odds that Blanche is going to comment on the terrible grammar and typo made here?
And Tony? You’re doing the exact same thing August is doing; trying to discredit me because you lack the evidence to actually fight back.
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6:24 pm
We dont need to fight you. We pray for you and will now. Are articles win and are all the proof we need. Your comments are shameful only to yourself.
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6:29 pm
“We dont need to fight you. We pray for you and will now.”
You’re giving up? Taking the coward’s way out, are you? I supposed it’s appropriate, you’re nothing BUT a coward.
“Are articles win and are all the proof we need.”
They’re nothing but lies and hate and show that you have no respect for any other kind of life or lifestyle other than your own.
“Your comments are shameful only to yourself.”
You mean you can’t stand to see the truth of things so you all delude yourselves into thinking that what I’m saying is wrong and shameful.
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2:03 am
“You come here; bash our church and our faith.”
So you do have priests after all… good to know.
And you really complain how someone bash you? Let’s see…. You talk bad over black people, gays and other people who are not of same thinking as you are. Do you really expect now that you can bash others and noone will bash you back? Judge other peole as you want to be judged.
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4:29 pm
Yup we all know that white women struggle to get a tan. If you want to have brown tinted skin you do not have to hide it. Because we already know. You ass licker
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6:39 pm
Read my comment,I wrote : ”August is right when he says what you are doing can’t be healthy… I don’t picture you multitasking”
You just made that up.
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6:42 pm
August and Blanche will support me on this one, you are just making things up LN.
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6:44 pm
Agreed. L.N just likes seeing how much he can post. I don’t think he even takes a vacation.
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6:45 pm
Of course they’ll support you, they love lying just as much as you do.
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6:44 pm
“Read my comment,I wrote”
More bad grammar and on top of lies no less.
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6:49 pm
”Read my comment, I wrote” Is not bad grammar, get your brain checked loser.
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6:50 pm
You’re clearly missing the errors, how about you carefully reread them. Perhaps paying attention to spelling, spacing, or capitalization would help.
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6:53 pm
I think they only appear on your screen or in your head, August and Blanche will back me up on this. As for your errors, they are very real and appear on everyone’s monitor for the world to see how much of a nasty little clown you are!
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6:59 pm
Agreed
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12:14 pm
Is that all you can say Antoine? that Blanche and August will back you up? How bout you think for yourself you stupid sheep.
So far all L.N has done is taken the article, and stated how wrong it is because there is no facts involved. Antoine and August you haven’t even tried to disprove him, all you do is attack him for being on this site. Your whole arguements, actually sorry your whole religious group here is a complete joke that can’t grasp an actual fact in any debate or argument. LN has taken all of you on, and still wins, because none of you can back yourself up on this issue. Your a bunch of bumbling racist, homophobic idiots, that the world would do 100% better without =)
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2:04 am
You read your comments bad…. read it again.
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3:16 pm
The thought of race mixing is more putrid than the thought that jews exploit the holocaust.
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12:32 am
You people are pathetic and yet, quite amusing. If this tranny-lookin’ whore can snatch your spouses, they weren’t much to begin with.
Yes, be very afraid. By some of the comments here, it is obvious that as soon as the powers that be give the orders to load the FEMA camps, take over roads, tunnels, bridges and resources and force the 666 mark upon one’s forehead and forearm, this group will be the first in line to comply.
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8:47 pm
I for one am a full black African American woman and proud to be one and.this article is very offensive and just because your insecure about what you look like does not mean that WE are sluts we do not want to take your men and to be honest who cares what race we date or marry whoever all you guys are are false prophets like Jesussaid your nothing but condeming Christians who put yourselves on a pedestal and may God have mercy on your souls
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