• The Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Man, The Piper’s Ballad of Niki McElory

    May 20, 2012 7:10 am 71 comments

    Enticing the male eyes to look upon her chocolate toned leg flesh, Hollywood actress Niki McElroy is emptying the homes of suburban housewives and teaching ‘soul sistah’s’ how to succesfully net themselves a white man.  Do you know where your husband/boyfriend is right now?

    Actress and best-selling author Niki McElroy has abandoned the world of giant chocolate Satan scepters and delved into the world of strong, working American men.   In her new book ‘Black Woman’s Guide to Dating White Men’, Niki uses a blend of friendly humor, advanced psychology, and recipes that can lure your man right out of your bed and into a world of mahogany bliss!

    Niki Teaches Women How to “Put The Cream in Their Coffee!”

    When my good friend Alex Keating called to tell me that he’d interviewed an up and coming Hollywood Starlet who’s been rumored to catch the eyes of NBA superstars (like Dirk Novitzki and Blake Griffin, to name a few) to music stars (Mark Wahlberg and Justin Timberlake), I went into panic.

    Some of those names my seem confusing at first look.   Before Mark Wahlberg was wooed by the apparently ‘natural Egyptian honey scent’ gently emanating from the silk skin of Niki McElroy in passing, he suddenly changed his name to Marky Mark and made a gang of street toughs called “The Funky Bunch” to try to impress her.  Perhaps it was at this moment that Niki began to realize her Isis powers.  A quick search reveals many men see her talk and have called her a ‘Los Angeles Goddess Isis Anew’.  The strange hold she held over Justin Timberlake and Blake Griffin literally made them turn from white to black.

    And don’t get me wrong here.  I am extremely terrified of sexy and savvy black women, but I am not racist.  I just don’t want them to rob my husband out of my home.

    The science here is terrifying.  Since 2008, the rates of our husbands being snatched up by the beautiful black women is drastically increasing.  They go and create bronze skinned children with sand blonde hair.  It’s just not fair.  How can we compete with that?  There answer is that we cannot!

    As if it’s not taxing enough already to got get tans during the summer, having to eat up to keep our curves and all the other that black women naturally have, now they have best-selling ‘how to’ book on how to date white men.  I’m really scared right now and you should be to.

    I for one am looking for to Mr. Keating’s interview and keeping tabs on this book.  Sure, on one hand it’s great that our Republican freed nation is realizing the equality that Christian Republicans Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr., dreamed about.  On the other hand though, I’m actually terrified of the new competition.  And I’m already married.

    This new interview should reveal much into this book and answer many of the questions I have burning for Niki right now.

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