• What Happens If My Child Listens to Skrillex, in Reverse?

    May 25, 2012 9:39 am 163 comments
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  • Your child will make such faces and gestures after listening to Dubstep, a new form of Satanic music.

    Is your child excessively dark in nature, always gesturing their hands around and rolling their eyes in their head, like the autistic man-child John Mayer?  Does your teen lock herself in her room for hours on end, making all sorts of weird, grunty noises as weird, screeching music plays in the background?  Does your child sometimes smell of soft-boiled cabbage or outdoorsy when they come home from ‘hanging out’ with their friends?

    If you’re noting these things, you are not alone.  To date, over 2.3 million parents in America have a child who is secretly partaking in a new music called ‘dubstep’.  This dangerous music is of Satan and is used to brainwash children into doing dark demonic ceremonies that masquerade as ominously cute names as ‘Tobasco Tot Creation’ and ‘Freaky Leashy Flesh Party’.

    Before getting into all this, it is pertinent to detail the backstory.  Dubstep is a music created by a 90s gothlord who calls himself The Skrillex.  We can only assume this name is of Celtic origin, as Reverend Mark Figgs suggests it refers to some druid homosexual act where the backside of followers must all be stung at will.

    Skrillex has managed to harness the powers of druidery and insert it into this new form of Satanic ritual called Dubstep.

    Related: Is My Child Suffering from Andy Biersack Obsession Disorder?

    Several months ago, we warned all parents about a new APA diagnosed disease called Andy Biersack Obsession Disorder.  Since that article, we’ve helped thousands of concerned parents correctly diagnose their children and fix the condition by banning Black Veil Brides music from the home.

    Is your child still suffering from ABOD?  Please read the primer and if your child is afflicted, please immediately contact the police.  Your child cannot be trusted and will be need to be put in restraints and taken to a psychiatrist for proper medication and detox.  They should also be tested for STDs, as 89% of all Black Veil Bride army fans (what the cult calls itself) engage in unprotected flesh thrusting orgies.

    The word DUBSTEP itself is a Satanic anagram:


    The hidden, Latin anagram of the word sums up what we know about the ancient rite of Skrillexing:  it is all about backside attacks and colonic pacts.  It was used as a weird rite to join the brotherhood of shameful banality.  But now, in its modern form, even women are allowed to participate.

    To date, researchers estimate that over 8 million people listen to dubstep music.  Considering the fact that for every one dubstep fan, the rate of STD spread in a locale increases by 40% after one of their raves, we should expect to hit a crisis point after any dubstep event.

    Last year, we all sat around in horror and wondered if we would die from H1N1 swine flu.  This ‘flu’ did not exist until a dubstep concert was thrown in the Oaxaca region of Mexico.  Locals detail that the musicians were strangling chickens and using that noise as dubstep music, then dropping carcarasses of the birds off from pyramids and onto giant tom-toms to create the ‘bass drop’, all while people rolled around naked in the dirt and thrusted all over the place, causing Mexican pregnancies, avian viruses and all sorts of other illnesses to take place.

    In America, Dubstep is considered a genre of Electronic Dance Music.  All EDM music is dangerous for the womb of your daughters and the backside of your son, but Dubstep is seriously in a league of its own when we are talking about music threats.

    At every dubstep concert, there is a VIP area called The Bass and Nectar room.  In these rooms, women agree to let themselves get pregnant and ensure ‘future dubsteppers’ or ‘tobasco tots’ are born.

    Followers of the music are brainwashed, wish is why they allow the shocking sequence of events to take place.

    1)  Women takes copious amounts of LSD infused gummy drops.  Men toke magic mint, which increases phallic length and duration.

    2)  Men then are required to put tobasco sauce all over their Satan scepters.  These are then ‘daggered’ into whatever women is nearest, while multiple women can be used up.

    3)  The ‘tobacco nectar’ placed in each woman by multiple men ensures that the father of any sin children conceived is not known, since this strange druid cult only believes in the Dark Father.

    Women who fail to get pregnant after participating in multiple Tobasco Tot rituals are forced to wear collars.  If you see your daughter shopping at a dangerous store like Hot Topic or wearing a ‘choker collar’ around her neck, that means she has partaken in a few of these Dubstep pregnancy rituals and has not been successful. 

    She’s been forced to be a ‘freaky leashy’, a song which Skrillex has written about her.  Freaky Leashy women are seen as barren and thus are considered at no risk to get pregnant.  Thus, they have to wear collars to concerts and let any man with an ‘urge’ have his way with her.  It’s sick how many young women are letting this happen to themselves and only you can save them.

    Skrillex proves his dark power by stopping a bullet as her performs his hit song, Freaky on a Leashy. This song is a praise anthem for all the Freaky Leashy dubstep girls who let men have their way with them at EDM concerts. Has your daughter been drafted as a Freaky Leashy?

    If you try to listen to a dubstep song, you’ll note that you don’t become brainwashed. The key is that you have to listen to the music in reverse to be fully mind altered. The dubstep song below is played in its true form. Please pray and demand all women/children leave the room before listening.

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