Mount Ida, Massachusetts – Crazed atheist scientists have used the power of bionics and genetics to create a Helikitty, that is, the unholy union of a cat with helicopter technology.
The cat, named Orville, was ran over by a car after the owners let it stray around the neighborhood. Instead of letting the cat pass on and complete the circle of life, the Mount Ida ASPCA voted to put it into a new bionic cat program whose mission is to ‘give our furry friends eternally new lives’.
This is like a macabre adaptation of robocop. The cat is able to control it’s new body on its own and can be overridden, to an extrent, via remote control. The helikitty project is rumored to be funded by the Chinese, who may be planning to use America’s large stray cat population against us.
The cat’s ears are equipped with multi-phasic sonar technology, allowing it to use echolocation, like a bat, to hunt down anything: mice, flying birds and even humans. It’s top speed is Mach 3 and the cat also has a small BB gun internally placed bilaterally in its anterior legs.
Even more terrifying, is the cat’s eyes. Notice that the stare is unwavevering and shows no fear. The cat’s dead stare and large body proves one thing: it is an ultimate killing machine.
All cats love to kill: just watch Animal Planet and you’ll see that’s the only thing cats devote their lives to doing. What’s sickening about all this is quite simple: if we allow atheists to reproduce this experiment, these cats will only escape their ‘sanctuaries’ and get into public, into a schoolyard or business district, the wreck havoc upon the innocent. Imagine, your child can now be at summer camp and be stalked by a helikitty, who shoots your kid in the knees and then feasts upon his or her flesh. Is this what you want?
We must stop all this now. We must sign legislation to make sure no cute word games can be played to litigate making this technology legal. We have no choice but to make a law that states, “Any injured cat must be left to die.”
If we make a law that forbids giving medical ‘help’ to injured or sick cats, we can prevent these new cyborg cats from killing us dead or even worse, being used by the Chinese to overtake America. Do you really think we can defend a small town or city with a sudden invasion of 200 million rabies infected flying cats with gun arms and heat-seaking eyes. What if they upgrade and start putting this technology on lions or even a wild, feral tiger.
Let’s do what’s right and let nature put these cats down, as it’s meant to be. If a cat is ran over, let it be. It’s the circle of life. The alternative is unthinkable.