Zombie Put Down by LAPD
Rev. Billy Ray Sunday
(On assignment in Los Angeles)
May 31, 2012 / 2129 hours
<chris†wire> This morning shortly after 7:00 am, Los Angeles County Health Officer, Dr. Déwei Nguyen, MD announced that sporadic reports of cannibalism have been reported in Los Angeles’ downtown district late last night. Fearing the reports are linked to the spread of the so-called “Zombie Apocalypse,” California Governor Jerry Brown has declared Los Angeles County under a state of emergency.
Also known as “bath salts Zombies” a name first coined by the local media in reference to drug dealers who use bath salts to “stomp on” their drugs (LSD, Meth, Coke, and Heroin) to increase the dealer’s quantity thereby sharply increasing profits. Street slang for using bath salts to cut high grade narcotics is called the… “Zombie Pathogen,” since bath salts rapidly increase the body’s temperature to the point of cooking the brain usually resulting in psychotic episodes, seizures, violence and death.
Similar cases of impromptu cannibal attacks began just days ago with the first incident occurring in Florida, then 24 hours later in Texas. The panic driven American media circus immediately coined the two events as the “2012 Zombie Apocalypse.” Officials with the CDC confirmed a short time ago that the Florida and Texas incidents have been linked to the dangerous practice of mixing the so-called Zombie Pathogen.
Infected with the Zombie Pathogen
Once this deadly recipe is ingested by unsuspecting users its affects cannot be predicted. CDC officials are closely monitoring the situation and hope to contain distribution of these tainted drugs to the three primary areas where Zombie-type attacks have already occurred.
Los Angeles County officials are asking everyone to remain calm and to remain indoors. Dr. Nguyen added “We are working closely with CDC officials to determine if the few cases of cannibalism reported late last night in Los Angeles are linked to the spread of the Zombie Pathogen.
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Earlier LAPD spokesmen, Capt. Arturo Sanchez confirmed the LAPD 911 communications center had received scant reports of spontaneous acts of cannibalism from Los Angeles’ Garment District, Little Tokyo and Lincoln Heights areas. Sanchez added the LAPD and the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department believe they have already quarantined all those suspected of being affected.
I was fortunate enough too call an old Christian friend after arriving at LAX who happens to be a patrol division lieutenant with the LAPD to see if I could get additional details. My friend arraigned to have me ride along with him when a multi-agency rescue effort begins in the downtown area. The LAPD’s objective is too locate and transport all unaffected civilians to a make shift triage facility set up by the National Guard at the L.A. Coliseum. Using my Nikon D3X SLR camera I will document what I observe and upload the images to chrisTwire as soon as possible.
San Fernando Police Officer Jake Tollifer Checks Possible Zombie from a Distance
Dr. Nguyen, and CDC spokesperson Garrett Joplin have just issued a short press release confirming trace evidence of the Zombie Pathogen has been found at all three LA crime scenes where cannibal attacks occurred last night.
Daylight Zombie Kill on City Street
The LAPD is now arriving in downtown Los Angeles en masse. Many SWAT vehicles are seen with LAPD’s air support above. Considering it’s a weekday afternoon the downtown area is a surreal scene. Normally thousands of people would be walking, driving and going about their daily business, but today the downtown area looks almost deserted.
Small groups of people stand on street corners talking and looking at the strange spectacle, many appear to be homeless, but all have taken notice of the eerie silence that has fallen over the city. A number of cars, most on surface streets appear in a hurry to leave downtown.
Los Angeles’ Homeless Street People Congregate in Large Groups for Protection from Killer Zombies