Tasty teen bubblegum pop sensation Carly Rae Jepsen may look innocent, but underneath the tween styling and upbeat instrumentation, there is a hidden darkness. Her hit song “Call Me Maybe” has some very deviant messages veiled in saccharine sweetness. Let us decode these together, brothers and sisters.
“I threw a wish in the well”, she starts the song with, obviously referencing the recent teen trend of witchcraft and sorcery, as seen in “Harry Potters” and “Sabrina The Teenage Witch”. Later she croons “I trade my soul for a wish”, which is either a deal she is making with a powerful dark wizard, or she is selling her soul to Satan himself. This is a dangerous trend. This is even more dangerous than the hand sanitizer trend with teens. The first Commandment is an important part of God’s word. Respect it. Nothing good can come from our nation’s children practicing dark arts. We need to keep our young ones away from the influence of Wizards and Satan. It’s a crying shame that I have to even say that, in God’s America.
Like all Hollywood liberals, Carly Rae is clearly promoting the homogay agenda, and glamorizing gays in the military, with the line “Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell”, a blatant celebration of the repeal of such a great policy in God’s America’s armed forces. This is offensive and inappropriate for a public figure our children welcome into their iPads. This is part of their recruiting method, slipping in greasy come-ons into what would otherwise be an innocent musical product. There is a long history of this kind of backdoor shenanigans by the homogay conspirators. The Village People, for instance, made themselves attractive to children in order to indoctrinate them into the homogay cult. Wham later used the same tactics. We should not be fooled again.
Rape. “Ripped jeans, skin was showin'” Violent tearing of clothing leading to explicit nudity. “Where you think you’re going, baby?” An attempt to escape by the victim, sung with the smug superiority of a successful rapist. Not only is this definitely not age appropriate subject matter for teens, it’s also a sin against God. This is a horrible message to send our youth. Premarital sex is a sin.
Prostitution! Underaged prostitution is being touted by our tween sensation with the line “pennies and dimes for a kiss”. This is quite shocking and inappropriate. Sex workers are an ancient evil, and recruiting our young girls is a dastardly thing for this agent of sin and depravity to do. Is nothing sacred in our so-called “society”? Of course this is also an allusion to Greed. When will Hollywood keep their twisted morals out of our tweens’ pretty little heads? I predict that soon God will send them an earthquake as a warning.
Hell. “I took no time with the fall” Is this finally a positive message? Is Carly Ray admitting that she will be punished for all this vile filth and wanton sexiness? Will she be greeted by demons to atone for her embrace of dark magic and sorcery? Only our Lord can know for sure, but if gambling wasn’t sinful, my money would be on “yes”. Many of our children will be “taking no time with the fall” if we don’t eliminate Carly Rae Jepsen. Call your Senators and Wal-Marts. Get this filth off the shelves and into a landfill along with the devil’s video game “E.T. The Extraterrestrial”, where it belongs. This is a call to arms, brothers and sisters. We need to ensure the future of God’s America is not tainted by the demon seed of this foreigner temptress.