• Family Values Crisis: What Adele’s Bastard Child Means To You

    June 29, 2012 6:11 pm 51 comments

    Adele

    Adele Laurie Blue Adkins is pregnant. All of the mainstream media outlets have reported on this travesty in a congratulatory tone, signaling our so-called society’s further descent into hellfire. Not even our friends at FOX news have taken the correct stance in denouncing this assault to family values. No Adele, it is not okay to have a child out of wedlock. The good, hardworking Christians of the world face enough persecution from the homogay agenda brutally sodomizing the sanctity of marriage. We do not need a morbidly obese crooner further sullying the holy waters of proper marriage. (Anyone else find it ironic that Adele’s last name is Adkins, yet she weighs more than two Smart Cars in the trunk of a Bentley? Perhaps she should cut out the carbohydrates!)

    For those of you who are unfamiliar, Adele is a British rhythm and blues singer who dazzled audiences with her Afro-Americanized Christina Aguilera-esque minstrel show. She cites the heathen “Spice Girls” as a major influence. It should not be a surprise that modeling herself after that sinful group of race mixers and purveyors of bad taste has resulted in her personal life becoming one Godless tragedy after another. She even went so far as to have performance enhancing laser microsurgery to cheat at singing. She has been very successful with her dramatized break-up songs, which should come as no surprise considering her deviant upbringing.

    “Brother Ford, what do you mean by ‘deviant upbringing’”?, you are most likely asking yourselves. Adele’s evil out of wedlock pregnancy is what should be expected from someone who came from a broken home herself. According to sources, Adele was born to a single teenage mother. This is the kind of thing Christian thinkers know to perpetuate itself among the unholy. Women born to single mothers become single mothers themselves, and continue the ghettoization of the family unit. Poor Adele and everyone like her have a very hard time figuring out where to send their Father’s Day cards.

    What does this mean to you? Well, Christian brothers and sisters, this means we must strengthen our resolve. There is a war raging, and we must be prepared to don the Armor of Christ, and win the War On Families. Strikes occur daily, with cultists Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes making a mockery of marriage, the homogays demanding to legalize their abominations against the American family, and the mainstream liberal media supporting these assaults by reporting them without the righteous condemnation they deserve.

    What can we do? One word: Boycott. Refuse to purchase Adele’s satanic recordings. Picket Adele’s concerts of debauchery. Why stop there? Boycott Oreo for their homogay pride rainbow cookies. Boycott rainbow trout. Boycott Tom Cruise movies. Erase your Dawson’s Creek videocassettes. Boycott that sacrilegious strumpet, Madonna (whom you should have been boycotting anyway) for calling Adele “brilliant” in her faux-British way of speaking.

    Finally, a message for Adele: Adele, please find a Christian white man to marry. Repent. Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Apologize to the public for your indiscretions. Abandon your ghetto style of music and use your God given talents to spread the good word. Thank friend of Christwire, Sarah Palin for your success, as nobody in America would know who you are were it not for sister Palin’s ratings grabbing appearance on Saturday Night Live, which you thanklessly rode the coattails of. Fix your train-wreck life, because I would hate to have your bastard child grow up to be someone like you.

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    About The Author
    Frederick Ford Persecuted Christian Warrior in Christ's armor, Korean War Veteran, White, Republican Man. More endangered than that owl the hippies cry about.

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