• Fat People ARE Gay.

    June 14, 2012 1:49 pm 353 comments
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  • How “Homobesity” is the newest threat plaguing God’s America.


    Mark E. Figs

    America is one of the fattest countries in the world. Deep-fried fritters clog the arteries of many Americans, while damned filthy ding-dongs plug the buttocks of numerous others.

    It should come as no surprise that homosexual sin is at the root of this problem. The combination of gluttonous gayness is known as “Homobesity” and has been pioneered for years by hell-bound fatties like Bruce Villanch, Andrew Zimmern and Dom DeLuise. But what has caused the nation to stray from God and seperate from his flock? Why has America turned its back to God in lieu of mulattos and Muslim mystic Presidents and homosexual Skrillex dance festivals? Could deep-fried food and sinful “trans” fats be responsible?


    (A typical HOMOBESE American, “deepthroating” at the Electric Daisy Carnival)

    Yes. In fact, the Southern Baptist Convention recently released a study that links being a desire to consume to a desire to “bottom.” Obesity is a gateway to homosexuality. Allow me to explain further —

    Gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. When a person becomes so depressed with life that they take it upon themselves to gorge themselves and gain weight at disgusting, epic proportions, it lowers their moral inhibitions, therfore making them more likely to engage in “rectal romps” and other God-less sexual activities. If they care so little about God’s temple and their health that they constanty trash God’s beautiful creation by adding McDoubles and Dorito’s Locos into it, then what is to stop them from having anus sex for a hit of heroin?


    And that is why homobese people are some of the most disgusting unfortunate creations that God is responsible for. These girthy behemoths subject the population to grotesque peep shows of rippling, palid flesh, compounded with the underlying fact that they enjoy engaging in gay sex with one another. These people fellate a penis with the same vigor they have when attending a BBQ and digging into a juicy pork butt. Watching two, chubbyfaced teenaged fans of the Black Veil Brides hug is like watching yogurt have sex with itself.

    With a country that celebrates the mongoloid sinners known as the “Jersey Shore” and the horrible, homobese troll known as “Snooki,”  is it any surprise that this country is the leading country in Body Mass Index and homosexual fecal play? If you were to show the numbers of Americas body mass index rates to foreigners, you would think that this country is populated by whales. Gay whales.

    American children are more likely to recite the menu of a McDonalds and Burger Kings then they are to know delightful passages from Galatians, or Ephesians.

    That’s why our children are more inclined to shove juicy wieners down their mouth from roadside hot dog stands instead of learning and reciting Old Testament stories.

    “Trans” fats are to blame. These fats are named so because they are fats with differnt chemical makeups — different “sexual orientations” if you will — and are solely enjoyed by the transgendered communities. There is a reason that corn dogs have high “trans” fat levels; the penile-shaped construction of the food is often used by disgusting “trannies” who use them in their evil sex practices.

    These fat gluttons will undergo a “food lust” not unlike the infamous “Butt Lust” that gay homo’s undergo.  Homobese people are more inclined to thirst for meats and sausages, including “man meats.” (Penises) They become so enamored by hunger and gluttony that they grab the first meat tubes they see — oftentimes a clothed penis. People who suffer from homobesity are not only visually disgusting, but spirtually they are also unclean. Disappointments of God’s design, not only physically but all around. They encompass everything hideous in the world.

    If you know a flithy homobese person, it is not too late to offer advice to them, so they do not end up disgusting piles of gay flesh. Form a prayer group in your community. If this doesn’t work, it is NOT against the law to contact the authorities and file a complaint. A lot of times, the local police will be glad to imprison a homoebese fat slob, for breaking the law —

    God’s law.

    Figs out.

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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