Brussells, Germany 16.06pm June 1st 2012
Looks like the financial collapse in Europe has finally driven their leaders completely insane.
President of Europe Jean-Claude Van Damme said on Saturday: “Due to the increasingly dire state of our economy I have come to the conclusion that there are simply too many people on this island. In consultation with my European partners I have devised a highly organized and structured plan to lower the population drastically before prolonged food and water shortages become more common. With immediate effect, all heterosexual activity must cease in all EU countries. I understand only too well that as Europeans our carnal lust and insatiable sexual fantasies aren’t just going to go away, so all adult males in the same zone must now mandatorily engage in homosexual activity to the point of ejaculation every six hours. Women will refrain from any and all sexual activity as they don’t really like it anyway. That way, heterosexuality shall become a thing of the past in Europe just like driving cars and yoga have disappeared following my legislation in February. That is all. You may return to your duties.”
Almost 4 million Americans are now in Europe and many are said to be cowering in their hotel rooms, terrified of the sickening perversion taking place all around them. It seems that all Europeans are now conforming to the new rules like the spineless weaklings we always knew they were. Like their Nazi fore-fathers before them, they’re “following orders” with ruthless efficiency. It’s sickening to think that the share prices of anal lubricant and butt-plugs reached an all time high on the French stock market in response to the news. France switched to full-blown homosexuality with great ease, having been bi-sexual for decades.
To the average Christian American these worrying developments in Europe seem incomprehensible and terrifying but remember we’re talking about Europeans here. Most Americans have had their suspicions about all Europeans for a very long time now. Hasn’t it crossed your mind every time you meet a European that he would all too easily ‘switch’ to homosexuality given half the chance? It’s crossed mine many times, and it now seems my suspicions were not ‘delusional paranoia’ after all.
At this very moment, many more Americans are planning a vacation to Europe to see the sights in the ‘effeminate city’ of Paris, France or the leather-clad Germans at the perpetual beer fest in Munich. Perhaps to see an opera in Budapest, or to wonder at the ancient Roman ruins of Tel Aviv.
No foreign threat has ever stopped an American from going wherever he wants whenever he chooses so if you’ve already booked your vacation I would strongly advise you to wear dark glasses at all times and to arm yourself with a bible in one hand and a .38 special in the other. If scripture doesn’t work, small gauge ordinance is usually sufficient to at least disable any homosexual I’ve ever encountered, and an under-nourished, European homosexual should go down pretty easy.