Gays Trick God Into Burning Focus on Family Hometown in Colorado Springs, Colorado
The awesome power of God has been accidentally unleashed on Focus on the Family’s Christian headquarters in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The Gay was able trick God into smiting Colorado Springs after they sneaked boxes of Rainbow-colored Oreo cookies into store shelves in the city, causing the moral people there to buy them and inadvertently give support to gay marriage laws.
Shock and awe have fallen upon the Christian city of Colorado Springs, Colorado, after God was tricked into unleashing his fiery weather wrath usually reserved for the sodomite megalopolis of Southern California. Colorado was put into God’s radar of fury after a pack of debauchery prone gays bootlegged crates of Rainb0w-colored Oreos from San Francisco and into store shelves in the dead of night.
Bodies drenched in sweat from hours of thrusting exhausted thighs and flexing summer-tanned bodies against each other in ecstasy, gays in Colorado Springs revel in the fiery destruction as they hold a massive sinstick glow rave orgy in the midst of damnation they caused to fall upon the city. God was upset because he thought all Colorado City stores agreed to sell the Rainbow-colored Oreos the gays had planted there.
Rainbow-colored Oreos are a new mind-altering food that Obama’s gay controlled FDA has approved for human consumption. These Rainbow Oreo cookies have already caused a 37% increase in homosexuality and many bizarre actions to take place.
Local woman Carlie Frances reports, “One moment the sky was bright and we were getting ready to take the kids to the pool. Then, everything suddenly turned bring orange and a booming voice from the sky said, “No HOMOS!” It was at this moment I knew something was wrong, I knew it was something like a Mount Vesuvian doom coming upon us.”
Nearly 40,000 people have had to be evacuated from the city and the only people staying behind are packs of gays, who are throwing a ‘bareback firefighter’ themed rave where they say they will ‘put out the flames with their passions of lust’.
There has been no miraculous signs of apology issued from heaven, though we all know this treachery means that the gays have gone too far. To plant gay items in a store and spread them through a city, so you trick God into smiting an innocent people has much to be atoned for.
This plan of the gays prove why they are so dangerous: by default, a gay’s mind is more crafty and meticulous than a normal mans. They can see things with the insight of a woman but the aggressiveness born from their primarily wasted Y chromosome. That is all a recipe for nefarious plots that can trick the masses. This is why we must stop their main goal and plan, to get us all to accept gay marriage.
If we accept gay marriage, we will all end up sodomized freely and it will be legal. God will just be forced to destroy us all and we all know that gays tend to be anarchists.
It remains unconfirmed if God plans to gently rescue Colorado Springs with a rainshower or if they city will be allowed to suffer, since they were caught with very gay things in their city and should have had better Homeland Security in place to prevent such items from being smuggled into their town.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Thad Connely
The gentleman of choice, Thad Connely brings experience of two familial generations of news coverage and hard biting reports.
2:17 pm
Theyl be damned by the Lord, with There glistening , hairless bodies golden brown soakin up that hot hot sun
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10:14 pm
Hey, you did pretty good this time, only missed a few words and didn’t abuse caps lock.
They’ll* their* soaking*
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9:02 pm
so when for your next homoerotic best seller …. oh wait you are not billings … My bad
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2:29 pm
If God is perfect and flawless, how can he be tricked or fooled? Why do you blame the ‘rainbow Oreos’ when the product doesn’t exist and the image was just used to show support for the whole Pride Month thing going on?
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8:23 pm
He must be some really stupid god if a human can trick the all knowing.
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11:02 pm
Or there is no god at all, and the humans are really stupid
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2:12 pm
No, our Lord is not stupid by any measure. Unfortunantly The Gay have used the Holy Bible for their own evilness. Using Judges 1:19 The Gay were able to conceal their actions using iron chariots (I believe that the latest version of iron chariots are motorcycles with sidecars). As you well know, according to Judges 1:19, iron chariots are like Kryptonite to God.
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4:26 pm
“our lord is not stupid by any measure”
please, i laughed enough at the article.
Matthew 5:16 Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.
Matthew 6:1 Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
Matthew 10:34 Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
John 5:31 If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid.
John 8:14 Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid.
all of the above was jesus speaking, and what is jesus if not dog? sorry, god.
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6:51 am
Why not just re edit the bible and remove that part like you do every 5 years?
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2:30 pm
Haahahhahaha… they did trick “god”?
hahahahhaha
Wonder how he didn’t notice that, while he supose to be “almighty”.
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2:54 pm
I knew it was only a matter a time before you guys would have an article about the Colorado fires…And yet you somehow managed to blame homosexuals and a non-existent product…Which dosen’t make any sense in the slightest…
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11:37 pm
O-Dawg! I’m glad you’re safe. When I heard about these terrible fires my first thought was for you and your girlfriend and your roommate. Stay safe, dude!
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12:34 am
I appreciate the concern…While the fires aren’t anywhere near the my home or my girlfriend’s home, they are way too close for comfort…You can see the pillar of smoke from pretty much anywhere in Colorado
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12:47 am
Remember to drop and roll, O-Money, if it (hopefully never) comes to it!
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1:17 am
It’s funny…I thought getting branded would be my last run in with fire…But now that Colorado is on fire, that might not be the case
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4:31 pm
i’m kind of wondering why they haven’t touched on the california fires.
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3:23 pm
Dear Christwire,
Ex-Athiest you like tentacles in your ass,
Rev. Billy Ray you like to touch little boys,
Blanch you are really a manwhore,
Billings you are a fat, homo-obese man,
finnaly,Susan B Xenu, you like to have strange alien dick in your ass.
I would say that you like horse dick up your ass exbrony, but I like you and august the best on this website.
But really, put your shit together, Make the articles more real. Susan B Xenu? Really? Xenu? Take yourself fucking seriously Xenu is known in pop culture because of south park, use something else. Anther thing, Xenu doesn’t sound like an american christian last name.
Thanks, ApathyIsDeath
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12:03 am
How lewd.
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1:10 am
How *true* there fixed it for ya.
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3:36 pm
are you guy’s serious? this whole website is well i don’t have words to describe the amount of insanity in it.
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3:59 pm
Stop being blasphemic, saying that men can fool God.
You sir, have yogurt instead of brain.
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8:26 pm
I’m not even going to waste my time reading this one. The title alone goes against everything you……preach on here. C’mon!! The gays “tricked” God? Huh. Well, I guess score one for the gays.
(Rainbow Oreos?!? Really?!?)
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9:27 pm
The gays are so evil and tricky.
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9:30 pm
So you’re saying that God isn’t perfect then?
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9:42 pm
God is perfect. And the gays are evil, they planted gay paraphenelia in that store so God would smite Colorado Springs. How underhanded is that?
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4:41 am
God is perfect.
You know minus the BEING TRICKED part.
Try not to get too butt hurt your lover might not like it.
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7:24 pm
“How underhanded is that?”
The question, Mr. Nordgren, is how RIDICULOUS is that?
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9:39 pm
“God is perfect.”
But you believe he was ‘tricked’, how can a perfect being be tricked?
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9:30 pm
Excellent reply, Mr. Nordgren. Please, do go on.
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12:40 pm
you know, good dentist could fix that
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10:13 pm
I believe this is an all out war from the homogays to attack all that is decent in our nation.
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12:07 am
Prayer is the only recourse, now. The Power of Christ will compel those devils.
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1:24 am
We should organize a synchronised hyperspace prayer event. Bless!
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4:44 am
Yes go pray in them fire I’m sure you all knowing untrickable god, oh wait, will protect yo from the flames.
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10:39 am
Still an idiot with using the word “homogay”… guess nothing can help you.
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1:01 pm
Beating a dead horse.
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1:26 pm
He’s just correcting you.
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3:09 pm
Dead horses can’t be corrected.
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3:58 pm
true
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9:07 pm
I’ve been over this, many times before.
There’s no such thing as an “illogical” word nor a “made up word”.
You can’t correct something that wasn’t wrong in the first place, but in your eternal naivete you’ll just defend your false presumptions and continue to argue in nothing but Ad hominem.
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1:07 am
Goddamnit are you that dense?
is homosexual really that hard of a word for you to learn?
“There’s no such thing as an “illogical” word nor a “made up word”.
Really? So I can go around saying something no one in the world has ever heard of and that only I would know what it means and it should be totaly exceptable. That is what you are saying.
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10:03 am
“I can go around saying something no one in the world has ever heard of and that only I would know what it means”
Nobody’s stopping you. Although I don’t know how this has anything to do with the term homogay since I’m not the only person who uses it and even an emosexual like yourself knows what it means.
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5:27 pm
“I’ve been over this, many times before.
There’s no such thing as an “illogical” word nor a “made up word”.
You can’t correct something that wasn’t wrong in the first place, but in your eternal naivete you’ll just defend your false presumptions and continue to argue in nothing but Ad hominem.”
Do i really need to explain the meaning of the word “homogay” again?
Or you just don’t want to get it and you keep will hit with your head against the wall?
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1:03 am
37% from a product that isn’t real. id like to see the research to back that up
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1:17 am
You all should take a break from your hate and anger towards our brothers and sisters. Christ can into the world not to condemn, but to redeem the world. We are called not to hate our neighbor, but to love them with all of our heart, for He reminds us “Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me.”
How much longer must we deny the humanity of any of God’s people. Why must we continue to use His Holy Word to put others down, let alone go as far to judge and condemn them? “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
It’s easy to love our friends, but Christ called us to love everyone. His arms are open for anyone who believes, and the hate filled ideology of a few blind here will not stop that. No one can deny His salvation to anyone, it is HIS alone to give to ALL who believe.
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11:10 pm
Sir, learn to write your ‘own’ “speeches”, not a speech from a preacher or some fucking moron you met at a church.
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4:36 pm
“Christ can into the world not to condemn, but to redeem the world” came, i believe you meant. and i have but one quote to prove you wrong:
Matthew 10:34 Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
that was jesus speaking.
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10:04 am
Or maybe they grew weary of Focus on Family using Christs and his name in vain. Now imagine the response such an ignoble article written in a way that violates two of the ten commandments might inspire…
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1:07 pm
“Sean”? “Erik”? I’m confused.
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7:46 am
“I’m confused.”
Yes. We’ve ALL figured that out already.
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12:38 pm
I ate one of those cookies and now my rectum is all tingly and I tried to put a carrot up there but it made my privates start to dribble clear goo out the end and it won’t stop cuz the carrot broke off and I can’t poop it out but I don’t want to cuz it feels really good and oh no I want to watch HGTV because the colors are so pretty and that Asia guy has big arms and that makes me feel weird a little
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11:11 pm
Dude, that is fucking HILARIOUS!!!
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6:23 pm
If god can be tricked by one something that doesn’t even exist (there are no rainbow Oreo cookies), then that god isn’t something that deserves worship. It’s a idiot that deserved ridicule.
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10:38 pm
ok first off shut the hell up your religious fakes
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10:40 pm
also whats so bad about being homosexual?????
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5:57 am
There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just that “love thy neighbor” doesn’t seem to apply to us.
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1:56 am
I have a question…..why is it that if one person has an imaginary friend they’re insane but if multiple people have one then they have a “god?”
Also…If this imaginary friend is so “perfect” then how was he tricked?
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8:03 am
Logical loopholes. They’re everywhere.
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4:38 pm
but mostly in religion.
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5:08 pm
I dont mean to hate but my brother is gay and he’s normal. God doesnt hate gays. God didnt do that. God loves everyone. Gays are still human. They dont need to be treated diffrent. Everyones that same.
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4:55 pm
Its ok
Jesus was gay
Jesus loved his Fellow men
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7:25 pm
Yes, please boycott Oreo for their support of Gay Rights. We’ll all appreciate you going on a diet. While you’re at it, please also throw away your iPod, iPhone, and iPad since Apple supports as well. Hopefully you have lots of clothes, because you’ll need to ditch your Levi’s and Nike’s too. Perhaps you bought them at … JC Penney’s or Sears? Sucks you’ll have to take them back … or actually, anything you wear from anywhere probably had a gay involved. Flying somewhere soon? Better not be on American, Delta, Southwest, or United…you’ll need a new ticket. Airline wasn’t mentioned? Just be sure your jet isn’t Boeing made. Don’t sleep at Marriott or Hilton (or any of their family brands) because you might catch the gay they support. That morning coffee from Starbucks will have to go as well, go ahead it replace it with a McCafe…oh wait, McDonald’s supports gay rights too. Hmm, do you clean with Tide, Gain, or Bounty? Use Duracell batteries, shave with Gillette, or use Fixodent? Brush with Crest, use Pantene, Scope, Tampax, Venus, or Old Spice products? Those are all gone too, stupid Proctor & Gamble supporting the gays. Damn, you’re using Internet Explorer or Crome to see Facebook? Download something else, Microsoft and Google show their Pride as well. Ah, but your drinks are safe. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and Budweiser are on your side … if your side is on the right side of history since all three also support Gay Rights. Hopefully, you or your lawyer will never need in-depth research. Both LexisNexis and Westlaw, who together control the market, support Gay Rights. Drive that big, manly, Ford F350? It’s a “Friend of Dorothy” too, as it’s company Ford and General Motors also support the rights of all. So, do us all a favor, don’t take it all out on a festive cookie … just stay home and boycott everything.
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4:41 pm
i think i love you. also, almost no one uses IE anyway.
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8:33 am
Even though I’m a lier to, at least I know how to clean up a religous shitstorm. And plus, id rather wipe out the universe instead of breaking my back over some imaginary friend.
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2:25 pm
Would you please bother reading the actual damn Bible
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8:34 am
This website is full of so much shit.
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1:45 pm
I don’t know how the citizens of Colorado keep their homogays in line but in Alabama when the gays get too uppity the state opens Queer Hunting Season so that good decent God-fearing people can purchase a Gay-tag and hunt gays legally. Its a good way to keep the homo population to a minimum. Of course hunting gays out of season is a crime and carries a stiff sentence. Thankfully purchasing a Gay-tag is only $5 so that poor people and kids can afford to buy one and join in the fun.
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1:52 pm
Advocating and wanting to murder innocent people, I hope you die horribly and your house burns.
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2:07 pm
Rev. Billy Ray… you’re an idiot. There is no “homogays”, so stop using it for christ sake…
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7:25 am
That’s strange.
I thought God was supposed to be Omniscient.
*le gasp* Could it be you people are deliberately fabricating this “news” in an effort to spread your hate against Homosexual people?
How very surprising……
By the way, hello everybody! I’ve just joined this site and I hope you’ll welcome me:D
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11:22 am
Is there a fact checker in the house?
See this other Christian website for details:
http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/2012/0626/Pride-themed-Rainbow-colored-Oreo-stirs-up-more-than-milk
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4:52 pm
There are a few “FAT LIARS” but no fact checkers
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5:09 pm
Tomorrows Christwire headline
GOD TRICKED BY Commies To attack the Port of San Diego on 4th of July
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5:11 pm
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8:30 pm
I have plenty of friends who are non christians in colorado springs and this article is an insult to them. They have lost their homes because of this disaster that has been started by dry conditions and heat, not a gay tricking god into doing this. I thought your god was all knowing? Oh he was tricked! Guess he’s not all knowing, is he? hypocrites.
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9:58 am
For the love of PANTS.
God was NOT tricked by a bunch of gays with multi-coloured oreo cookies.
God is an onmipotent being, he sees all and knows all. And if you REALLY think that ANY human being could, willingly or accidentally, FOOL God, then you are the worst and most uninformed and, frankly, unintelligent Christian I have ever come across.
I just can’t help imagining the look on God’s face, seeing this article. Probably incurring his anger more than anything any gay has ever done.
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