• How to Feed a Cat

    June 12, 2012 12:35 pm 298 comments
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  • Disclaimer, the following information is based on faith. Individual results may vary. It is important that any cat see a veterinarian at least weekly as cats carry rabies and it can flair up any time without warning and your cat will kill your loved ones.

    Please consult a veterinarian before feeding any animal anything.

    (chrisTwire)— At some time in your life, whether you are a spinster, homosexual, or need pest control for a farm, you might find yourself owning a cat. And if you own it you need to feed it. An animal as a pet become your property, you need to take care of it.

    Cats are wild animals they have special dna that make them want to kill and eat live animals. Now that the feline genome has been mapped by chrisTwire scientists, we have learned much more about what a cat needs to live and function with regards to food.

    A brief synopsis of the science we used is included for male readers:

    For investigation of the relation of cell cycle regulation with feeding desire in cats, we carried out molecular cloning of feline p21WAF1 and p27Kip1 cDNAs and chromosomal mapping of these genes on the cat genome. The feline p21WAF1 cDNA clone obtained in this study encoded 164 amino acids (aa) showing 83.5% and 76.8% sequence similarity with those of the human and mouse counterparts, respectively. The cat p27Kip1 cDNA clone isolated here encoded 198 aa, showing sequence similarities of 93.4% and 90.4% with its human and mouse counterparts, respectively. Using a panel of feline x rodent somatic cell hybrids, the feline CDKN1A (p21WAF1) and CDKN1B (p27Kip1) loci were assigned to feline chromosomes B2 and B4, respectively. Southern-blot analyses of 17 feline spontaneous rabies and hunger cases using these cDNAs as probes did not reveal any rearrangements in either the p21WAF1 or the p27Kip1 gene. RT-PCR/SSCP (single strand conformation polymorphism) analysis of p27Kip1 cDNA did not uncover any amino acid substitutions in the 10 feline rabies and hunger cases that were examined.

    It is clear to most novice of minds that cats require special dietary requirements that are not currently being met by your average pet owner.

    So, what should a cat owner feed a cat in today’s modern age of super science?
    Mice: Cats need exercise; we have all heard the term “fat cat”. In nature and as god intended it, a cat had to work for that meal. Much of that exercise and diet came from catching and playing with mice. You should feed your cat live mice, both for the health of the cat and for his entertainment.

    Birds: Watching a cat stalk a bird is amazing. It shows the pure hunting instinct of a cat. If it could a cat would kill you and everyone you love. Feeding your cat live birds is a constant reminder to you and your family to never turn your back on a cat.

    Tobacco: Surprisingly tobacco is very good for your cat. It keeps them docile and friendly. It can also prevent distemper and reduce the likelihood of spontaneous rabies outbreak syndrome. The best way to get tobacco into your cat’s diet is through leaves, but failing that some chewing tobacco can work nice.

    Snakes: One of a cats favorite meals is a poisonous snake. Cats are thrill seekers. Adrenaline junkies they are. Going toe to toe with a poisonous snake can be fun and provide a good meal. Release poisonous snakes into your cat’s habitat, your cat will thank you for it.

    What not to feed your cat
    Fish: We all know cats love the taste of fish. But why do they hate water but love that fishy smell and taste? It comes from years of fish cave licking forced upon them by spinsters. Do not feed your cat a fish. Everything that smells or tastes like fish is an abomination and should be avoided.

    Catnip: Catnip is a gateway drug to harder things, drugs are bad and wrong. The last thing you need is a cat turning tricks in the alley for a fix.

    Cat food: Cat food is the liberal gruel of the feline feeding industry. It encourages laziness. Do you want a cat that just lies around and gets fat all the time like a minority housewife on foodstamps, then feed it cat food. But just remember, if you feed your cat like a minority you shouls be imprisoned like a minority.

    For further reading on feline How to’s: please see How to Bathe a Cat.

    In other cat related news:

    One of our own visitors has a gift for music. See if you can guess who it is by listening to the singing in the video below.

    If you cannot figure out who it is please click THIS LINK.


    Abused cat:

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    About The Author
    Senator August Weisz Retired Hydroelectric Engineer. Now spend my time helping others who won’t help themselves. http://christwire.org/august-weisz-biography MA

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