• Is “Call Me Maybe” Turning Our Daughters Into Sluts For Satan?

    June 26, 2012 8:41 am 262 comments
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    Mark E. Figs

    Carly Rae Jepsen is a powder keg of slutty energy. The whorish singer has captured radio waves with her secular summer jam, “Call Me Maybe” — a tour-de-force of sexual groveling featuring depraved lyrics condoning sinful group sex and illicit drug use.

    The song has become a mantra for secular teenagers around the country, dominating the charts, as well as Facebook statuses and Tumbler accounts. Teenage girls have adopted the song lyrics into some twisted philosophy that excuses their shameful sexual behavior, including but not limited to — garage sex, random sex, pre-marital sex, unsafe sex, hot sex, and grass sex.

    (Carly Rae eyeing up another man, possibly Mexican due to his lawn mowing, to rape and have unclean sex with.)

    Teen pregnancies have increased 3000% since the songs release. More and more Christian girls are skipping Sunday School in order to hang out with garage band musicians and lay in AND smoke grass while having their birthing canals explored by an unknown teen boy’s fingers and/or penis. The sad fact is if your daughter listens to this song SHE WILL BE A SLUT, and will likely give birth to a drug-addicted ethnic child. This is encouraged in the song’s lyrics —

    “I’d trade my soul for a wish,
    Pennies and dimes for a kiss
    I wasn’t looking for this,
    But now you’re in my way”

    The first line expresses Carly’s desire to trade her beautiful God-created body to Satan for lusty carnal desires of the flesh, in order to have her vagina infiltrated by random men. The second line states her willingness to offer sexual services such as “blowjibbers” for monetary compensation. The third and fourth lines attempt to claim that Carly isn’t usually this slutty, but since the man is in front of her, she might as well have unprotected gang-sex with him and his friends.

    Carly Rae wants our daughters to give out their telephone numbers to strange men. What good could come of this? Mindless sex? AIDS? Perhaps pregnancy? Carly Rae should consider changing her name to Carly Rape, because that is what she is blatantly promoting.

    So how can we curb this slutty songstresses message? Do we enact female circumcision like the savages of Africa, because while cruel, it is a viable way of curbing sluttiness. Do we lock up our teen girls  and force them to date and reproduce with men of our choosing? Do we cancel our Earthlink internet service so Youtube is not accessible?

    It’s sad that songs by Toby Mac and Michael W. Smith are banned from the airwaves in lieu of 4 minute advertisements for slut sex. Our teenage daughters do not need to be encouraged to frolic in the grass with ethnic tattooed men, when they could be trying on full-length skirts and highlighting interesting Bible passages. Carly Rae wants our daughters to have sex with unclean men, and sex before marriage is a sin. Why can’t we celebrate the lyrical depth of the Newsboys or DC Talk instead of turning a blind eye to harlots and whorishness?

    Carly Rae is training a generation of sluts. These sluts are our daughters, and they are being encouraged to be loose and easy in order to be accepted by the neighborhood garage band — a band full of rag-tag skateboarders and drug using vagabonds in “dago” tees. Don’t let your daughter be “fingerbanged” by a dark-skinned man on a moonbounce, or in a meadow of Kentucky bluegrass. Ban this song from her life. Destroy all of your radios, Youtube accesors and Pandora’s box music services. Ban her from using the Spotify service as well.

    Here is a safe alternative to the chorus of this song, in order to make it slightly more appropriate for your family.

    Hey, I just met you…and this seems crazy…but I love Jesus, because He saved me.

    Figs out.

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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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