• Is Lebron James The GAYEST Man in America?

    June 20, 2012 10:11 am 15 comments

    We’ve had “The Decision,” “The Celebration” and now “The Sin.” With the Miami Cheat one win away from buying an NBA title, we can now step back and look at the factors that make Lebron James the GAYEST man in America.

    As an avid Bulls fan, I take pride in a number of things. The legacy of my franchise, due to Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen and Phil Jackson. The name of my franchise, “Bulls” is slang for “strong males who run roughshed through females using sex intercourse.” The exploits of Derrick Rose and his strong Negro presence make me happy throughout the course of the regular season; before Rose realizes he needs to return to his “gangbanging” (non-sexual) duties.

    With all that said, it comes as no surprise that I dislike Lebron. I loathe him — it’s not because of his overwhelmingly exhausting Negroid presence, or the promiscuity of his mother, or because of his dastardly hairline. I don’t like him because of his perverse desires to be a gayhomo, or “homogay.” He established this disgusting habit of homosexuality during his time in the AIDS-infested town of Cleveland, where he invented the grotesque “Cleveland Steamer” and became enraged after learning the Delonte West no longer wanted to continue a relationship with him (Lebron) and instead wanted to impregnate his (Lebron’s) horribly overweight, toothless mother.

    Lebron’s wayward lust for the company of other men has been evident ever since he went on national television and announced his decision to take his bottoming talents to South Beach (a haven for criminal Cuban imimmigrants and homosexual sex relations) in order to “play” with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. His intent to engage in homosexual activities was evident from the get-go! He told millions of people watching that he wanted to “play with” other men — the sound of throat gagging would resonate around the country and would be the official sound of Miami! His reign of gayhomosexuality is thought to be at the forefront of the wave of homo zombie attacks that have gripped this country.

    (The Heat are well-known “Toppers.”)

    By surrounding himself with other gay Negroes, Lebron was able to “play with” them and be himself — a large, balding, gay black man. Together with Dwayne Wade and Chris “Dinosaur” Bosh, they made it to the NBA Finals last year, only to be defeated by a far superior Christian team, led by the Germanic Dirk Nowitzki. Now the Cheat are poised to win this years championship, which is in part aided by their habit of “Gay Boshing” in which Dwayne Wade and LBJ (slang for Lesbian Blow Job) acquiesce the “ball handling” to the hideous Chris Bosh, who uses his limited skill set and intimidating facial features to carry the Cheat to victories.

    While no one outside of Miami (one could even argue that no on INSIDE of Miami cares either) is excited about these prospects, the fact remains that Lebron is the gayest man of all time. He is set to win an NBA championship, all because he wanted to play with other men. He will never be on the same tier of Michael Jordan. He will forever be known as a gayhomo who spurned Cleveland, heterosexuality, Rogaine and the adoring love of thousands of Christian fans.

    Figs out,

    Thanks for rating this! Now tell the world how you feel through social media. .
    How does this post make you feel?
    • Excited
    • Fascinated
    • Amused
    • Shocked
    • Sad
    • Angry
    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

    Facebook Conversations