Topeka, Kansas Releases Gaydar Machines To Protect College Students
Over the last year Topeka, Kansas, has repeatedly proven itself to be the Christian backbone of America: it denied the liberals at Google from renaming the city Google, it has allowed husbands the right to rule their wive swith gentle, loving taps of disciplinary affection and most recently, it has announced a great new technology: gaydar machines.
On college campuses across America, there is a frightening new liberal epidemic taking place. College men are being tricked into thinking homosexuality is okay and that it is fine to vote it into law. In fraternity parties that were once only for lesbian equality as God is usually fine with (id est, drunken girls kissing girls), now we have the gross and filthy acts of two men kissing each other.
Stats:
- Gay mouth diseases like gingivitis, thrush and Bubonic strep throat increased by 84% on gay friendly campuses.
- Men who kiss each other have a 67% greater risk of becoming sterile and being unable to father children later in life.
- On college campuses where man kissing is prevalent, the female student population is prone to depression and destructive decisions such as drug use and lesbian prostitution, leading to chlamydial outbreaks.
Who would want to watch nonsense like that: it is gross, unnatural and sloppy. Mixing to musky areas of bacteria should not be considered attractive. Innovative Topeka startup Gaydar Tech has fixed all this, however, with these gaydar machines.
These gaydar machines help normal college fraternity bros quickly realize the shirtless, pantless gay who may be trying to drug them at a college party.
In the machine above, five examples of homosexuality can be seen. In slot D4, is dirty Russian ‘barrel thrust’ homosexuality. The tell-tell blonde hair and more sleek dorsal canal leading to the midsection are only outdone by D6, the douchebro. Douchebro is a brand new brand of gay, who prefers to actually be a powerbottom and is always ready for a little reverse humpty dumpty action.
The Douchebro will usually take greedy swaps of his Jersey Shore styled hair to get secretly placed astro oils, which he will furiously rub all around his errogenous areas once he gets your naive college son plastered at a college party. Before your son knows it, he’s taken a very musty dip into the unholiest of Jersey shores.
In E6 there is the rare Afrogay. Overbearing black mothers are usually able to weed out examples of homogayness in their sons, but there are always those who slip through the crack and who really loves to do that more than an afrogay. Primal and muscular by genetic nature, the afro-gay asks no permission and does not bother with roofieing or plying with alcohol: this gay will just snatch your son up and do shameful things to him, just like a shower scene from the Sopranos.
In A1 there is a Marthon Gay, the most ravenous of all. By the build you can tell it is a cross country runner. According to recent statistics, over 80% of cross country runners engage in random acts of homosexuality. There is something that running like the Greeks of old that seems to turn men gay. Cross country runners will simply run after your son until he gets tired and then have their way.
In C3 is the College Professor gay. This variety likes to exchange A’s for Ass, as they put it. They will show up to a party and scare your innocent college student, pretending to really be upset that he’s partying instead of studying. Scared about being busted for underage drinking or failing a class, your son will do whatever this professor of prostrate wants to do.
These machines will be expanded to reveal more gays in the future and are being tested out at the University of Kansas. Already in the summer session, K.U. is reporting a 86% increase in gay awareness and an impressive 59% drop in samples of homosexulity.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Amber Vos Savant
Amber Vos Savant is an award winning conservative journalist and currently serves as Young Republican coordinator for Romney 2012 in Boston.
3:38 pm
The “vending machine” is just a marketing ad for the gay dating site: Gaydar
Also this was in the UK, not in Kansas
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3:59 pm
So amazing that this can happen in Americas heartland. Liberals have turned field of dreams into field of gays. College fraternities are known nationally as upstanding young men with high moral values. Hopefully they can scare some of these homosexuals straight.
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4:01 pm
Read my above comment…That should straighten things out for you…
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4:46 pm
Hi O!, long time no chat. What about that trip later this month? I can send you some airline tickets. We books some nice rooms.
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4:49 pm
Just going to ignore my other comment huh?
If you’re talking about the las Vegas trip, not interested
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4:52 pm
What other comment? Looking forward to seeing you. Do you like horse racing?
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5:12 pm
The very first comment in this comment section….The one by me…
I already said not interested in any trip with you guys…and no…I don’t like horse racing
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6:08 pm
I’ll bet O-Dawg cleans up at the track!
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6:11 pm
I just said I DON’T like horse racing…besides, I don’t gamble
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6:17 pm
We can go watch cirque du soleil, then go have a few drinks and write about what we did not like about it.
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6:23 pm
Don’t drink either…why assume you won’t like cirque du soleil?
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8:23 pm
No, Claire. Among other reasons it’s because Cirque du Soleil is French Canadian.
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10:45 pm
“That should straighten things out for you…”
Nothing needs to be straightened out on this website, sodomite.
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10:52 pm
“Nothing needs to be straightened out on this website, sodomite.”
Apparently the FACTS do, Mr. Pen. How does assisting someone with getting them straight make them a sodomite? Just curious.
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11:49 pm
Clearly, he was talking about his desire to straighten out August’s gobble missile.
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6:23 pm
This is just an ad… I hope you people know that.
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7:07 pm
The homogay-agenda wants to put gaydar machines in EVERY school.
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8:00 pm
So you think that this supposed machine was put forth by an imaginary group of people for the sake of something, and yet the information that you got this from was this ‘article’ which claimed it was there to ‘tell people what kind of gays are out there’.
You really must hate logic if you’re going to talk like that.
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9:40 pm
Amazing!! I stay away for a while and come back to find the same old thing going on. =D Christian Intellectual…..still isn’t. Proof? Sure. Just read below…
“The homogay-agenda wants to put gaydar machines in EVERY school.”
Funny. The article says YOUR agenda wants them in every school. Huh…
“These machines will be expanded to reveal more gays in the future and are being tested out at the University of Kansas.”
Odd how you would contradict one of your own.
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9:43 pm
Maybe you should go away again.
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9:51 pm
Maybe YOU should stay in your own league.
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11:06 pm
Your fey “come hither” winking emoticon won’t work on me this time.
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12:03 am
You crack me up, Erich. I know Susie has a problem with the smilies……but she’s old. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. If they don’t like us to use them, WHY ARE THEY ACTIVATED?!? They can be shut off, so apparently SOMEONE in “power” likes them being used. They help set tone and keep it light. So….lighten up, Erich.
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10:34 pm
The gays want love exposing themselves to kids, LOOK at the gays inside the machine they are Happy to be there.
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11:08 pm
What are you talking about? Where do you see any children that they are exposing themselves to in that (pilfered) picture?
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11:14 pm
where have you been sodomite?
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11:22 pm
Ahh, Susie. Have you missed me? I highly doubt it. I know I haven’t missed YOU.
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11:36 pm
The homogays look like they are preparing to rape someone, it is obvious that children are close.
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11:51 pm
CI, you’re thinking of people like you who would rape children and defile America.
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11:58 pm
Mmmm….nope. Not seeing it. You seem to have a very vivid (and twisted) imagination, CI.
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8:17 pm
This vending machine is strikingly incomplete.
Where is the mincing flight attendant, the surly Starbucks barista, the call-centre operator on an ecstasy comedown, the portly, unmarried uncle and the lesbian couple waiting for the hardware store to open on a Saturday mornings?
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11:13 pm
WOW!!! No bigotry in THAT question. No siree. None whatsoever. (Bigot.)
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11:15 pm
Is this sarcasm? Your tone is mighty suspect.
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11:25 pm
You’re very observant, Erich. I may have misjudged you. (Though I doubt it). Nothing suspect…..blatant.
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11:31 pm
Yes, yes, yes. I see now that you can detect and manipulate sarcasm like a master…you might prove to be a worthy adversary indeed. Well played, Maniac. Well played.
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11:55 pm
Do NOT patronize me, Erich. Adversary? HA!! 15 years on the online boards. I AM a master.
Not at manipulation though. Rather at pointing out unsupported…….”facts”. I love proof and FACTS. Real facts and NOT merely the “it’s true because I said it” ones we usually get. 
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8:28 am
Jesus H. Crispy Christ on a goddamn pogo stick!
You want sympathy for the homosexualists?
Rose Tattoo said it best 35 years ago: “It ain’t too funky comin’ down in jail. It ain’t too funky, baby, comin’ down in jail. It ain’t too funky, momma, comin’ down in jail. It ain’t too funky comin’ down.”
You want corroboration?
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8:30 am
Yahweh dammit! What the steaming lake of sulphur is with the auto-embeds?
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6:44 pm
My, but you do have a very foul mouth, exbrony.
“Jesus H. Crispy Christ on a goddamn pogo stick!”
You use that type of language in your church? They don’t in mine. We have a bit more……control apparently.
…and who cares what Rose Tattoo said 35 years ago. A bit outdated for this conversation, don’t you think?
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2:18 am
“You use that type of language in your church?”
What on Earth makes you think that I go to church?
The point of the Rose Tattoo link is that it ain’t too funky coming down in jail. That is as true and relevant now as it was 35 years ago.
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11:16 pm
Not bigoted.
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11:29 pm
“Where is the mincing flight attendant, the surly Starbucks barista, the call-centre operator on an ecstasy comedown, the portly, unmarried uncle and the lesbian couple waiting for the hardware store to open on a Saturday mornings?”
Everything ABOUT this statement is bigoted. You demean several groups all in one (very long) sentence. Prove me wrong.
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8:21 pm
Personally, I find the best way to identify local homosexualists is to go on a homosexualist “hook-up” site like Grindr and familiarise yourself with all the photographs of the torsos and genitals of all the homosexualists in your area.
Then if you suspect that someone is a homosexualist you simply ask him to show you his torso or just sneak a peek at his genitals in the bathroom.
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9:50 pm
Just kind of curious, exbrony. Is “homosexualist” a new word or are you joining the Urban Dictionary group? Webster’s says it’s a “made-up” word. You know, like most of the news “stories” (I refuse to call them articles.) on here. It’s a cop out for someone who is afraid to use the correct term of “homosexual”. Are you afraid, exbony?
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9:55 pm
Lies. Webster’s does not say it’s a “made-up” word.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homosexualist
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10:09 pm
http://www.webster-dictionary.org/definition/homosexualist
You were saying? :O Actually you’re right. It doesn’t say it’s a made-up word. In fact, it says it’s not there at all.
Who’s right here, Erich.
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11:07 pm
Yes, I’m right here. What is it?
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11:11 pm
I’m right. I linked to the current site, not an outdated edition.
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12:48 am
I know you hate it when I’m right, Claire.
Which, of course, I almost always am. *shrug*
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2:21 am
Claire, get back to me when I’m wrong about something.
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11:23 pm
Claire, if you had a list you would have been cutting and pasting it into every thread already.
But sure, go make up a list. Anything that I’m wrong about I’ll cheerfully admit and thank you for the correction.
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9:36 pm
My. The amount of “pride” I see you “members” take in a so-called win is astonishing. Any good Catholic knows that it’s one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Tsk…Tsk…
(Remember, Karma is a bitch.)
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11:31 pm
I take no moral instruction from the Catholic church whatsoever.
It is a global child-rape cartel that hates gays and women and which continues to condemn untold millions of Africans to death from AIDS by spreading lies about condoms.
Also, Catholics aren’t supposed to believe in karma.
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11:19 pm
Sweet mother of God i love this website. I cried a little bit reading this.
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12:17 am
Dear Amber,
Might I be so bold as to ask for your source for these…..stats? Just kind of curious. They sound so…familiar.
“Stats:
Gay mouth diseases like gingivitis, thrush and Bubonic strep throat increased by 84% on gay friendly campuses.
Men who kiss each other have a 67% greater risk of becoming sterile and being unable to father children later in life.
On college campuses where man kissing is prevalent, the female student population is prone to depression and destructive decisions such as drug use and lesbian prostitution, leading to chlamydial outbreaks.”
Gingivitis is a “gay” mouth disease? Really? C’mon. Really? Just the gays get it? Huh. Not according to ANY dentist (unless one of you is).
Men who kiss each other become sterile? Really? So a father kissing his son good night is condemning that child to a future of fruitlessness? Kind of ironic, isn’t it?
Men kissing leads to outbreaks of chlamydia? I would think that men having sex with multiple women would lead to that much quicker than “girl-on-girl”. Now, I could be wrong (but, I doubt it).
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1:53 am
I prefer the japanese girl vending machine ….
cirque du soleil is french from quebec Got a problem with that arnold (exbrony) you are jealous that we have talent and you have None ?
and fraternities high value ??? ya Kidding me
they are drunk they have sex orgy they smoke pots just to name a few
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7:43 am
Où sont les toilettes?
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8:38 am
Cirque du soleil is a ‘splinter cell’, a breakaway faction of the Blue Man Group, the well-known Al-Quanadian viagra-munching pervert act.
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12:32 pm
Careful — millenium is one of those Quebecois.
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12:36 pm
millenium is in the Blue Man Group? I did not know that. Interesting.
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6:52 pm
You are way too funny, exbrony. Where I come from, we call them Cannucks.
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6:33 pm
These “statistics” are completely made up. If they aren’t, would someone mind citing the evidence? And nobody is going to change a gay man’s mind since it’s all about genetics. I hope beyond hopes that one of these monitor’s Childs will be gay. #GaysAreMoreOfPeopleThanHaters
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12:13 am
How does this machine work? Does it trap gays inside it as they try to enter the University gates?
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5:23 am
No, it works by being bullshit.
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8:59 pm
Gay mouth diseases like gingivitis, thrush and Bubonic strep throat increased by 84% on gay friendly campuses.
Men who kiss each other have a 67% greater risk of becoming sterile and being unable to father children later in life.
On college campuses where man kissing is prevalent, the female student population is prone to depression and destructive decisions such as drug use and lesbian prostitution, leading to chlamydial outbreaks.
Dies ist Stierscheisse!
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3:02 am
Wow I didn’t know that there are different types of gay! Boys should be aware of this so they can avoid them and prevent diseases. I already shared this link on my facebook.
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12:56 pm
Man, there aren’t different types. It’s not a sickness. ANYONE can get gingivitis. ANYONE can get strep. I got strep in 3rd grade, 4th grade, and 5th. I’m sure you don’t want to think I was having sex when I was 6 and 7.
Believe me, gays are nothing to fear. You can be disgusted with them, but that don’t mean you have to fear them.
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12:54 pm
I… I don’t think that gaydars are real…
Y’see, being gay isn’t a sickness, sure, it can bring upon sickness, but it’s no more dangerous than having a person with herpes or std’s having sex with another person, male or female.
It’s not sickness, it’s just the flu system from the extremely cold winter we’ve been having.
I’d just suggest trying to learn more about certain things before suggesting that it’s evil. Perhaps it’s just insecurity.
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6:06 pm
Swiftly trumped by your comment at 6:02 pm.
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8:55 pm
What do you have against fraternities, Claire? They are full of upstanding young men. Do you not have fraternity socials at your school?
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6:04 pm
It would appear the girl is upset at the popular young men who did not find her appealing.
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6:21 pm
Adam, getting drunk off your ass, partying all night, and fucking random chicks is NOT what anyone with common sense would call ‘upstanding’.
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12:47 am
Not homophobic, Claire. Some of my best friends are shirt lifters and sapphists.
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12:50 am
I don’t speak French. I never claimed to be able to, mon cherie.
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2:20 am
I just told you that some of my best friends travel on the other bus.
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10:50 pm
“Doesn’t sound very respectful.”
This is from the same person that suggested I mouth sex my own tallywacker.
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11:22 pm
Laughing out loud, Cassidy! Claire is nothing if not consistent in her double standards!
I have great respect for those friends of mine who also happen to be friends of Dorothy’s.
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