• Batman Dies At The End of Dark Knight Rises, Spoilers

    July 16, 2012 3:05 pm 58 comments

    As many of you know, I’m a big fan of American heroes.  For years now I have cheered and got excited every time a superhero blockbuster has raised nearly billions of dollars in global profits, as everyone worldwide is being encouraged by heroes created by Americans years ago.  And it’s great for the economy.

    Unfortunately, sources indicate DC Comics are going to ruin this feel good summer of movies.  We’ve already had a great movie from Marvel, The Avengers.  In that movie a Christian superhero named Captain America wields a patriotic shield forged by George Washington at Valley Forge to bludgeon villains with morality.  All other heroes, genetic mutants, Soviet mistresses and even a false god bow before the wisdom and leadership of Captain America.  The movie was a great metaphor of how the modern world should work.

    Then we had The Amazing Spiderman 3d.  What a great change for that film franchise!  We went from a scrawny, awkward Toby McGuirde obliviously passing up cake hanky-panky invites from his beautifully blonde and odd neighbor, to doing everything he could to dump the red-headed delight Mary Jane all so he could instead have goowebbing and flesh stripping sessions with his billionaire boytoy Harry Osborne.  In this new Spiderman movie, Spidey’s male hormones were working fine and he did everything in his power to, stick his unholy pedipalp into Gwen Stacy’s nectar flesh.  Not that I’m condoning that!  I’m just saying it’s better than a gay Spiderman like we had before.

    But this news about Batman in the Dark Knight Rises is all too low.  Maybe this is indicative of a fact that many people have spoken of before:  Marvel run circles around DC Comics in the movie-making department.  I’m not sure, but as a Christian I do not approve of killing off American superheroes in feel-g00d summer blockbusters.

    What kids want to think back to their carefree summer of ’12, where they have vague memories of Team USA dominating the Olympics and bringing home gold?  Barack Obama’s administration was in its final throes of terror, as a bright horizon was just around the corner come elections.  They don’t want to think back on that carefree time of ice cream sunrises and first kisses by the pool and think, oh, that summer BATMAN DIED.

    Christopher Nolan and DC Comics, please don’t give America any more grief and hate.  We’ve endured a tough economy, certain dainty people causing all sorts of bad apocalyptic weather and more. Let’s us just have Batman, so we can continue to have this hero to use in our media as we need.  A dead Batman really benefits no one.

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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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