• Do You Want An STD? Go To The Warped Tour

    July 18, 2012 10:28 pm 153 comments
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    Have you ever gone to a “Warped Tour”?  I have.  I actually got sucked into performing at one of these swinger events.  Years ago, before I found Jesus, I was in a wrestling group called “Portland Organic Wrestling”.  We did our shows at a tiny and filthy club named Satyricon.  There are still a few people that act like they are famous due to this awful “wrestling” group, but I have given up.

    I am now focused on shutting down the horrifying new style of music that has emerged called “Emo”.  These kids are stealing the KISS facepaint  idea, and mixing it with Insane Clown Posse’s Juggalo’s make-up and claiming to be cool.  How is cutting yourself and not actually killing yourself cool?  Emos need to learn one thing…  Don’t cut across the tracks, a train goes right down the tracks.  Left to right is never right, up and down is very sound.  Stop being a pussy.

    Many of you are wondering why I was talking about Emo’s and the Warped Tour, but have you seen the schedule?  This looks like a gigantic crying festival with a few anal rapes involved.  If you do not like anal rape avoid this concert series of sodomy.

    Blood on the Dance Floor is playing.  One of the members has a Rape conviction against him, yet 12 year olds still worship him.  All Time Low is playing, yet the guitarist was accused of murder.  Chelsea Grin is allowed to play even though a girl dropped dead during their set earlier this summer.  It is said that she was high on a new synthetic drug called Monster Energy.  They say that she ingested over 64oz of this drug in just 4 hours.  These bands are encouraging kids to get high on this drug and get in “the pit”.  “The pit” is a circle where kids go so the bands can take turns sodomizing them.  This makes the kids feel like the bands actually like them, and aren’t just making music for the money.  This whole festival is a nightmare.

    When I went to my first Warped Tour in 1995, it was Punk bands that had something to say, now it is bands that cause people to die or kill themselves, like the Chelsea Grin girl.  I have become disgusted by this new wave of suicidal music called EMO.  The Warped Tour seems to have been taken over by it.  Gone are the staples like Social Distortion, The Descendants, Reel Big Fish or The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones.  Now we have bands that cry about being bullied while being bullies themselves and forcing kids to take drugs and have abortions.

    As a Christian and Republican, I will not complain about these awful fakes, but I will point out that they are evil musicians and deserve to be murdered in the most awful way.  I am actually not sure that some of these people are musicians after looking them up on the Interweb Netsite called YouTube though.  There was a “band” called Falling in Reverse , who is scheduled to play.  They had absolutely 0% talent.  Then there was a band called New Found Glory playing….HAHAHAHA.   Talk about gays loving gays,  Gross.  Vampires Everywhere?  Do we need more Twilight references?  Also, that band is just awful.  Taking Back Sunday?  Sunday is God’s day!  Go away, you Emo whores!     Of Mice and Men?  You probably relate more to the mice than the men.

    Last year, at the Warped Tour, I decided to start a poll.  I wanted to see which new STDs people caught at this show.  I have 3500 e-mails from people who have caught a disease because of this show, and that was from last year before Skrillex and the Emo bands became part of it.  Cases of forced sodomy rose 743% during the weekend of this festival.  Cases of forced abortion rose over 3000% that weekend as well.

    It turns out that every year at the Warped Tour, there are 8213 cases of pregnancy, and over 15,000 cases of new STDS.  Nobody reports this because Planned Parenthood has an abortion tent set up there.  Planned Parenthood is destroying our beautiful White babies.

    How can we combat this pure evil?  Bands like “Everytime I die” and “Funeral Party” are playing this festival in front of our White children.  They might try to suicide themselves after listening to a band called “Miss May I”. or “Pierce the veil”.

    The point of this article was to show you that only people like Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, Petra, D.C. Talk and Stryper are wholesome bands.  If you do not want an STD or do not want to be reverse sodomized or do not wish to have a forced abortion, do not go to this festival because all of that will happen. Do not go to any Music festivals unless Amy Grant or One Bad Pig are involved.   Have a safe summer, and Praise Jesus.

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    About The Author
    Bruce Myron Danus Years of Mental Gymnastics, and lots of love from Jesus has made this man realize he was not "Born this Way", but instead chose to be a Homogay until he met God and realized God doesn't make mistakes like a homogay.

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