For years I have given you sound medical advice and warnings about the danger of cats. Despite the words and actions of some people who love to claim cats are not dangerous, today I will bring you the ultimate proof that cats are not only dangerous, but can destroy humanity.
Cats are responsible for the Bubonic plague. Their stray bites spread the disease. Cats almost wiped out humanity during the middle ages, spreading both plague and vampirism through olde Europe. Civilized humans were almost eradicated by these little beasts. Let’s not even talk about how the vermin caused the fall of Egypt or the Roanoke colony.
The man, a 59-year-old gentleman named Paul Gaylord, was simply minding his own business and walking down the street. All was well in his life and he was in great health. But what he didn’t know, was behind a cluster of dense bushes lurked a deadly beast. The predator had no desire in its heart but one thing: taste the blood of a human.
As Gaylord threw his head back and took in a good, hearty breath of fresh air, the cat saw its opportunity. Muscles primed with the raging strength of Satan, the cat unleashed its body into a calico colored torpedo and bit Gaylord right in the hand.
And now, my friends, look the hand. Look at it!
The plague did not take long to set in. Mr. Gaylord’s brain functions became darkened, making him walk down the street like a zombie from perhaps the set of the Walking Dead.
Onlookers said the cat, no more than 2 feet tall and 15 pounds, greedily licked its chops and wanted a second taste. Fortunately a trashman with a set of German shephards lived nearby, and after a grueling battle the dogs were able to overpower the bloodlust cat and chase it away.
But the story does not end there. Gaylord begin to show signs of plague and was rushed to the hospital. And it was at 12:07 am that horror struck again.
At 12:03, security footage caught a cat entering a lobby at the hospital. Reported the guard, “the hairs on the back of my head stood on end, and a voice said, “hide yourself””. The guard continued, “So that’s what I did, I hid and shook with an unreal fright.”
The cat could be heard grunting and sniffing deeply into the air, then within 4 seconds, it was in Mr. Gaylord’s room again! It had returned to get yet another taste of its pray. The stray calico cat bit Mr. Gaylord in the other hand and gave him more Bubonic plague!
Cats are truly evil and now we know, stray cats –especially calico– can carry all sorts of weird disease such as Bubonic plague. Fortunately, with modern medicine we can better treat plague and we will pray for Mr. Gaylord.
But friends, let us remember the only good stray cat is locked up in an animal shelter, preferably one that ensures they will never be unleashed upon society again.