Proof: 93% of Twilight Fans Cheat on Their Boyfriends, Kristen Stewart Cheats On Robert Patterson
Abe’s Juicyed Hollywood Gossip
Please send your juiced Gossip Tips to holymailbox@christwire.org, ATTN Abe Goodman.
Promiscuity is the central tenet for the Twilight fan vampire cult. Even though the Twilight movies are far behind us, author JFK Rowling has surely left a major stain on the bedsheets of America’s future mothers. And that stain is ADULTERY.
I could have told you twenty years ago that the little twiddle rompus sparkler boy Robert Pattinson would not have snake enough to keep the thick thighed Kristen Stewart loyal to him. Sure, in marriage or dating a women is supposed to be loyal to her man, but if you aren’t packing the holy goods 9/10 a woman will cheat on you. Women just are not loyal as men.
So when you sprinkle in the vampire rave sex cult on top of everything, it’s no surprise to see the Madem harem vampire Kristen Stewart is a cheater. It’s like putting a nice, shiny car in front of a little chocolate hoodlum gang and then hiding behind the bushes to see what happens. You know how it’s going to end.
For you parents or boyfriends out there who have daughters/women who wear all black clothing, go to raves, like Twilight or the demon band One Direction, here are some facts you should refresh on:
* 93% of Twilight Fans Cheat on Their Boyfriends/Husbands. You can be as rich as Robert Pattison, she will stil cheat on you. Here blood is tainted with Satan oath.
* If she gets pregnant, the creature springing from the womb will probably be a sin child.
* For boyfriends: She will be tempted to go to a Black Veiled Brides mosh orgy, get an STD and then hide it from you until your tallywhacker falls off.
* She is on drugs. Her face will look like this following diagram from lack of muscle control (caused by Quaaludes used to relax muscles of the sin holes since they are always cheating with every other new man they meet).
So now you know. We pray for Robert Pattison as he learns a hard lesson. If you want to keep your woman, you must first be a man of Godly ruggedness. And two, you can’t trust a womens.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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2:07 pm
And the actions of one person somehow dictate the actions of others how? Guess that means that all christians are psychos who kill people. Hey, Abe, don’t be surprised when some cops show up on your front door step and start asking you questions, ‘k?
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4:01 pm
JFK Rowling…I think you meant JK Rowling…Rowling didn’t wrte the Twilight books either, Stephenie Meyer did…
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4:29 pm
Usually when you say you have proof you SHOW that proof. Also you forgot the MS paint watermark on your little Photoshop image.
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6:32 pm
What proof? You’ve shown no proof to your accusations.
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8:27 pm
It’s great to have a conservative voice with his ear to the ground in liberal Hollywood! Thanks, Abe! I’ll keep an eye out for hot tips!
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9:09 pm
“…with his ear to the ground…”
His ear may have been to the ground, but that’s only halfway to where his head is, Rookie.
So now you’ve become a gossip columnist, Abe? You should do VERY well at it. Every story on this entire site is based on gossip, rumors and flat-out lies. Well, you know what they say: “Practice makes perfect”.
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1:08 am
But as a singer in the band slint i hear you know Hollywood well. least for the past 30 years.
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9:31 pm
Another good indicator of a loyal woman is if she has remained pure.
Used goods aren’t known for their good judgement. Unlike those like myself who pious and rational enough to exert self control.
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2:46 am
yes because I’m sure you need to “exert self control”. There’s a difference between having to say no, and not being able to say no.
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4:14 am
“” Your Self Control is Called the Gagging Reflex “”
“” You Manage not to Puke up the Pints of Spunk that Aug and the boys pump into your Mouth and you Taste the taste of Shit on their Dicks and You Realize they been shoving their Cocks up each other and are just using your mouth as a COCK CLEANER “”
PS
Don’t Forget to lick around the Bellend and under the Foreskin
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5:47 pm
You sure know a lot about “used good” do tell us more about your self.
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12:13 pm
Women are not the only one who cheat. Mens do so also.
“* 93% of Twilight Fans Cheat on Their Boyfriends/Husbands. You can be as rich as Robert Pattison, she will stil cheat on you. Here blood is tainted with Satan oath.”
You have no prove that 93% of their fans do cheat.
“* If she gets pregnant, the creature springing from the womb will probably be a sin child.”
lol
“* For boyfriends: She will be tempted to go to a Black Veiled Brides mosh orgy, get an STD and then hide it from you until your tallywhacker falls off.”
Wtf is a “mosh orgy”?
“* She is on drugs. Her face will look like this following diagram from lack of muscle control (caused by Quaaludes used to relax muscles of the sin holes since they are always cheating with every other new man they meet).”
Again you have no prove.
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12:55 pm
The last part makes me laugh, since it sends very mixed signals and contains a significant amount of inaccuracies. ChristWire truly is on it’s top form.
I would have loved to have been involved with the survey, where it was allegedly ‘revealed’ that 93% of Twilight fans cheat on their boyfriends. Firstly, it is unlikely that it would be admitted so frequently. Also, the general demographic of the Twilight franchise is 10-15 year old girls. How many of them do you reckon are in serious relationships?
By the way, J K Rowling is the author of the beloved British series of novels ‘Harry Potter’. Not ‘Twilight’, which is by Stephanie Meyer.
I must ask, when you refer to people ‘all dressed in black’, do you mean those of the Gothic subculture? You may be interested to know that many ‘goths’, including myself, resent the Twilight franchise due to it’s association to dark literature, and, to be honest, literature in general.
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