Abe’s Juicyed Hollywood Gossip
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Promiscuity is the central tenet for the Twilight fan vampire cult. Even though the Twilight movies are far behind us, author JFK Rowling has surely left a major stain on the bedsheets of America’s future mothers. And that stain is ADULTERY.
I could have told you twenty years ago that the little twiddle rompus sparkler boy Robert Pattinson would not have snake enough to keep the thick thighed Kristen Stewart loyal to him. Sure, in marriage or dating a women is supposed to be loyal to her man, but if you aren’t packing the holy goods 9/10 a woman will cheat on you. Women just are not loyal as men.
So when you sprinkle in the vampire rave sex cult on top of everything, it’s no surprise to see the Madem harem vampire Kristen Stewart is a cheater. It’s like putting a nice, shiny car in front of a little chocolate hoodlum gang and then hiding behind the bushes to see what happens. You know how it’s going to end.
For you parents or boyfriends out there who have daughters/women who wear all black clothing, go to raves, like Twilight or the demon band One Direction, here are some facts you should refresh on:
* 93% of Twilight Fans Cheat on Their Boyfriends/Husbands. You can be as rich as Robert Pattison, she will stil cheat on you. Here blood is tainted with Satan oath.
* If she gets pregnant, the creature springing from the womb will probably be a sin child.
* For boyfriends: She will be tempted to go to a Black Veiled Brides mosh orgy, get an STD and then hide it from you until your tallywhacker falls off.
* She is on drugs. Her face will look like this following diagram from lack of muscle control (caused by Quaaludes used to relax muscles of the sin holes since they are always cheating with every other new man they meet).
So now you know. We pray for Robert Pattison as he learns a hard lesson. If you want to keep your woman, you must first be a man of Godly ruggedness. And two, you can’t trust a womens.