• Six-Foot Lizard on the Loose, Dragonforce Atheist Demontologists Are to Blame

    July 18, 2012 1:40 am 32 comments

    Eyes ablaze with the spirit of Satan himself, a six-foot tall lizard is wrecking havoc in the Colorado countryside.  Summoned by a musical band of atheist scientists calling themselves The Dragonforce, the lizard to date has only made the Colorado wildfires worse and has viciously consumed forests, cattle and even humans who dare stand in its demonic path.

    As wildfires continue to rage in Colorado, a group of Satanic demontologists have naturally been drawn to the fires and the flames to perform evil hell-ambiance ceremonies. One weird cult is apparently calling itself the Children of Dragonforce and within Colorado, they hosted a demon summoning ritual where they prove themselves through the “Fires and the Flames”. This entire ritual was done with a mutant six-foot lizard who allegedly has the spirit of Ba’al coursing within his blood after the ceremony.

    Atheist scientists hacked the human genome in 2010 and found the bit of Satan the devil sowed into Eve’s womb when he had of her ‘fruit’ in the Garden of Eden. When a lizard chimera is created of this DNA, the lizard gains considerable intelligence, the ability to grow wins and to spit fire.

    The people of Colorado are in grave danger. Ba’al is Hell’s evil, dark version of the archangel Michael and he’s inhabitating the six-foot lizard that’s on the loose.

    What’s even worse is that the species of lizard on the loose is a creature relatively unknown to the general public, as the government does not want to incite public panic.

    Called Cannabis incendia (Latin scientific nomenclature for Death (cannabis) Fire (incendia)), the six-foot-tall lizard is estimated to be an adolescent form of this new genetically engineered species.  But unlike its already dangerous broodmates, this specific lizard is actually infested with a demonic soul of hell.

    From what sources tell us, Cannabis incendia can grow up to twenty feet tall and gain the ability to walk upright.  The animal is thought to be recluse, though is known to be harbored and kept exclusively by demontologists for the Satanic rituals they perform in their dark chambers.

    One farmer named Billy Dale Joel, just outside Breckenridge, Colorado, reports:

    “It all happens so fast.  You are just inside, eating supper and praying that all will be will through the night.  Then chaos!  Chicken clucking like heck, pig squealing with horror.  By the time I made it outside, it smelled like bacon, eggs and steaks.  All my lifestock was seared and half eaten. I saw a great, giant green lizard running off and I could have sworn I hit it with my rifle but it didn’t budge.  I heard a very faint, deep laugh.  I think I heard the devil in it.”

    And the devil is exactly what Mr. Dale heard.  In the following song, which already has 50 million views on YouTube, we see some of these Children of Dragonforce performing the very song used to summon Ba’al to this giant lizard chimera.

    WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING MUSIC IS A DEMONTOLOGY RITUAL SONG CALLED THROUGH THE FIRE AND THE FLAMES.  THE SONG IS PERFORMED BY DRAGONFORCE AND IS SO CATCHY, RIFF-HEAVY AND WELL-TUNED THAT IT WILL NOT LEAVE YOUR BRAIN.  DEMAND ALL WIFE/CHILDREN LEAVE THE ROOM BEFORE LISTENING.

    If anyone comes across or can send a message to the atheist Dragonforce band that summoned Ba’al to infest the lizard, authorities ask you to tell them to undo the ceremony because this creature is deadly and may be impervious to small arms fire.  If you see the lizard, run away with fear and great panic.

    Cannabis incendia hatchling.  The lizard currently on the loose in Colorado will have a similar body type to this hatchling created by atheists.  Farmer Billy D. Joel reports the lizard did not appear to have wings, but a very large body that alternated between walking on all fours to hind legs.  It can breathe fire and managed to destroy an entire lifestock farm in under give minutes.

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    About The Author
    Mike Watson Intrepid, bold and dashing, Mike Watson's investigative reporting prowess is only outdone by his burning desire to restore conservative values and morality to America. With a unique penchant for purity, Mike Watson's TV, Radio and writing inspire millions to know the truth behind American culture. Also on Facebook

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