Team USA Uniforms Laced With Steroids, Chinese Seastresses To Blame

The Chinese have once again tried to cheat in the Olympics.  It was not good enough for them to try to cheat everyone in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, where we caught them:

using genetic supersoldiers to gain an edge; using 12-year-old gymnasts to wow judges with the cutesy factor; sneaking sleeping pills in the Gatorade of team USA’s basketball team; shining bright street lights into the hotel rooms of American athletes, making uncomfortable nights of rest so we could not perform as well.

But new findings outdo all of those things.  As Team USA prepares to fly to London for the 2012 Olympics, multiple clergy has come over to pray for the athletes and for safe travel.  One clergy felt in his spirit that the Olympic Uniforms had something wrong, and after more prayer, he could sense that the uniforms were made in China and had steroid compounds placed within.

Forensic study found the clergy’s prayers were true and that Chinese scientists had tainted the USA uniforms with a complex steroid that would only soak into the skin once sweat was produced.  When USA athtlests competed in sprints or basketball, their bodies would start to soak up steroids.  China apparently then planned to press charges against all the American gold medals and claim we were using ‘steroids’.  Of course every test would come back positive and America would be stripped of all Olympics gold.

Republican lawmakers unanimously voted to burn the uniforms in a giant bonfire.  China has yet to apologze for this act.