If you are planning on seeing the Dark Night Rises, don’t. It is a terrible film, I wish I had seen Ice Age instead. The entire movie centers on Bruce Wayne and his older husband, Alfred, breaking up and getting back together at the end. I hardly ever got to see Batman, and the entire time I was trying to figure out what his relationship with Mr. Wayne was? They never even interacted with each other and I was hoping Batman would punch that pansy rich boy in the face just once. When did this happen to America’s superheroes? When did we trade in our wholesome and manly do-gooders for Edward Culkin and Shia Laboof?
What we need as a nation, now more than ever is an extra large portion of justice with a side of Christian values. Instead, director Christopher Nolan served our families a double scoop of Anne Hathaway’s posterior. It seemed that Catwoman’s only superpowers were stealing many a man’s hard-earned money and working her bottom into every wide-angle shot in the film like she was a Kardashian. What kind of role model is this for our American daughters? Ms. Hathaway should never have taken off that maid outfit — house cats live richer and fuller lives. Even her sinful cheeks cannot plug the numerous plot holes in this movie. At the end of the film, we see that boy from 3rd Rock from the Sun enter the batcave. Am I supposed to believe that that toddler is Batman? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, Mr. Nolan.
And another thing, why is Bane wearing that mask? Is that some sort of bath salt injection system that makes him super strong and bald? In fact, everyone in this film looks like a freak for no explainable reason. Batman’s groin is about 5 times too big and the mayor looks like Cher wearing 3 coats of masquara. I would revolt too if my mayor was a King Xerxes-like transvestite.
This movie was rated PG-13! Do you know what would happen to a 13 year old if they saw this film? Boys would become girls who would then become thieving whores. Our children don’t know how the world works. They don’t know that Christopher Nolan is a deranged homopath who will stop at nothing to corrupt our beloved heroes until they become unrecognizable fetish symbols like Christian Grey. If only Mr. Nolan had received his spankings as a child, maybe his craving for black leather bondage torture would be satiated. But no, his depravity knows no end, and now he will be making a Superman movie. If you don’t want Clark Kent to be swapping his business suit for a black slip and some blush, tell Nolan to keep his slimy Devil claws off our heroes.