• Watch Out, The Amazing Spiderman 3D 2012 Online Now – Christian Movie Review

    July 5, 2012 10:56 am 49 comments

    The Amazing Spiderman 3D 2012 is a debacle of atheist filth memes:  homsexuality, magical sky beings who can shoot eye lasers, evolved man spiders, Stan Lee apologetics and other marvels of comic-drug writer sins.  Like most of these new dirty movies, DC Comics is responsible for this nimble, tights wearing character who loves to play with his goo webs of sin in the dark, dankest alleys of New York.  The Spiderman is the ultimate homosexual atheist’s fantasy and this movie pretty much lets them live it out.

    Rain pelting their exhausted bodies after an epic fight with Magneto and Lex Luthor, Spiderman thrusts himself down a spent web to only lunge his head back, letting Superman gently peel off his sticky mask and throw tongues deep into each other’s face in a non-verbal sign of affection.

    The opening scene of this movie leaves little to the imagination.  I went to see this movie in 3D and let me tell you, what I saw made me spit out my salty buttered popcorn in disgust.   It was shock after shock of lurid loin shots and homosexual bravado.

    In the first scene of the movie, Peter Parker (Spiderman’s secret name) is seen taking a shower.  His tight body quivers under the cold water of the shower and an internal monlogue goes, “It’s been months since I divorced Mary Jane.  Her fresh, feminine scent still haunts my nose and my sheets.  I want to be full of Clark, but she just will not move out.  Not all the way.”

    The next moment, Peter Parker is joined the the shower by none other than Clark Kent.  It seems that in the summer of 2012, all these movies are going to be giant propaganda reels for gay marriage.

    After the disturbing initial scene, we see Clark Kent has moved to New York to work at the Daily Bugle with Peter Parker.  They are planning a gay wedding as their civilian personas, but we quickly learn Peter Parker is having a conflict of interest.  He still has desire for his ex-wife, Mary Jane, and a few other women in the film.  But Clark Kent is using supermoves on Peter, trying to fully convert him to homosexuality.

    The rest of the opening act to this movie are cheap excuses of action so the directer, M. Night Shalamylama can show off all the cool new cameras he gets to work with.  After a bunch of cheap battles, we learn that Lex Luthor has been hired to come ‘rid’ New York of the new Dynamic Duo who has taken to its defense:  Superman and Spiderman.  No one has really put two and two together at this point of the film.

    Spiderman grunts and gives in as Sabretooth gives him the business, all while an emotionally hurt Superman watches the impromptu affair, aloft miles above the Earth.

    During the second act, Spiderman is patrolling the streets when suddenly he runs into a very old nemesis named Sabretooth.  After a very tough fight, Sabretooth proves too strong for Spiderman to fight off on his own.  Being snarky by his homosexual nature, Spiderman makes a comment on Sabretooth ‘growing in girth’ during their fight and only moments later, finds himself the victim of a reverse adamantium injection.  Spiderman gives into this scene without a fight, just as Superman uses his supervision to zoom into the shocking sight at left.

    A bunch of teen angst and dialogue ensue, as Superman flies angrily through the solar system, battering comets in 3D.  While Superman is flying through space, Spiderman sits at his home and cries.  Why is it that he cannot remain loyal to one person?  It is at this point that the movie hits on its only good point and truth:  homosexuals are promiscuous and that’s why 90% of homosexual couples cheat on their ‘dabbing buddies’.

    With both heroes distracted, Sabretooth reveals that he seduced Spiderman at the behest of Lex Luthor.  Lex then hires a metal controlling villain named Magneto, who uses his great powers to to replace the State of Liberty with an identical statue made out of Kryptonite.

    Kryptonite is to Supermas as the words ‘get a job’ to a black Obamamomma with 8 kids:  it makes them furious and weak in the knees, panicked and unable to think straight.   After the switcharoo is done on the Statue of Liberty, Sabretooth calls Spiderman up on a rainy night.  “Meet me in Lady Liberty’s torch.”

    Spiderman complies and is met against more than he could imagine:  Sabretooth, Magneto, Lex Luthor and a villain named Dr. Light are all present.  Spiderman is quickly overpowered and splayed suggestively, each of the villains making weird innuendo and implying they plan to cleanse his colon in unholy ways.  They demand Spiderman screech for help, which he does.  Superman comes rushing into the new statue and immediately falls to the power of its kryptonite.

    The villains beat up the weakened Superman and toss him in the water, then start in on Spiderman again.  Spiderman is mourning Superman as he’s assaulted, thinking that his lapse of ‘responsibility and loyalty’ caused Superman’s demise.  Another fight scene breaks out, with Sabretooth again taking the lead against Spiderman.

    After many scenes like the one above, Superman recovers and tosses Sabretooth into the Sun, in a fit of rage and jealousy.  The other villains escape in a wormhole and Superman gives on last look at Spiderman, then flies away.

    The movie ends with Spiderman questioning who he is and if he will ever find love.

    As you can tell, this movie is not a family venture.  It is very confusing and has a bunch of artsy scenes and quick camera shots.  The 3d effects and musical score are brilliant, and if the movie was not an ad for homosexual marriage it could be way better.

    Christian Movie Review Online:  The Amazing Spiderman 3D 2012

    Movie Rating:  S (Sinister) for – homosexual goowebbing, mass gay orgies, gooch sampling on a car hood, affair, divorcing an attractive wife, New York gay marriage, comic book carnality

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    About The Author
    Dan Nordgren Born and raised in upstate New York, Dan Nordgren is currently a film student who enjoys martial arts, mountain climbing and football as components of his very active life. Join Team Sarah TODAY

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