• Your Daughter’s Pubic Region: Shaved Barren for Career in Internet Pornography?

    July 10, 2012 5:33 am 63 comments
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  • Your Daughter’s Pubic Region: Shaved Barren for Career in Internet Pornography?

    By Berenice Swarthson

    On my way to my weekly prayer session outside of Planned Parenthood’s baby murder factory, I passed a new shop called “The Pretty Kitty”. Naturally, I thought this would be a perfect place to take my two cats, Mary Anne and Sarah Belle. So after trying to save those poor babies from becoming stem cells, I brought my two angels into “The Pretty Kitty” and do you know what I found? A bunch of Oriental women stripping young ladies’ private areas using wax and paper strips! At first, I was sure that this was a mass kidnapping in order to make some sort of Chinese hair-rug or heathen delicacy. But then some of the loose women there told me that they had actually paid for their rose bushes to be stripped bare! Apparently, this was “normal” and some did it regularly. I couldn’t help but think how Mary Anne and Sarah Belle must be feeling at that moment, thinking they might be waxed next. And I don’t think it was a coincidence that “The Pretty Kitty” was so close to Planned Parenthood either. You can get hussied up for some pervert and then abort your out-of-wedlock child all in the same block. But that is just the kind of city Los Angeles has become. So I ran home to escape this Gomorrah and do some research of my own.

    Well it seems that some of us American women are being saved while most are being shaved. Any temptress seeking to look like a bare infant is a stain on God’s earth and any man who should gaze upon this foulness with anything but loathing in their heart is as good as a slimy child rapist. It took me a long time to discover the origin of this hedonist practice because it was hard to read while covering up all the pictures of… I’m not going to say it this time. I endured so that the truth may be exposed to Christians trying to protect their families.

    A hairless Satanic slut wielding a large masturbatory scepter — a common sight in Brazil.

    Its no surprise that this genital torture originated in Brazil, where female savages with large posteriors would rip out their woman hair so that their feminine odor might better attract the males for group orgies. Desperate to find a loophole to selling snuff child sex videos, American pornographers began popularizing this awfulness. One thing led to another and now I can’t buy groceries without seeing Lindsey Lowhand’s hoo-ha next to the Altoids. I never thought I’d say this, but after all my research, it seems like the Japanese are the only people with any decency anymore!

    Jesus died for her sins

    Is your shower drain clogged with sin?

    The worst thing is that any teenage girl can get a hold of a razor and dispose of their pubic hair so that no good teenage boys can take pictures of their twaddle dandies and post them on the Internet. She may say it is for shaving her legs, but it’s a slippery, razor-burned slope. Eventually she will be telling you that her birth control is for acne, and that she has a modeling interview to go to on the colored side of town. Parents, its important that your children don’t take the first step to a career in prostitution and hard-core pornography. Her below beard is the only thing standing between her and the lead role in a sequel film ending in double digits.

    Ladies, God bestowed hair upon us to ward off unwanted eyes and phalluses. If you cast aside his protection, then you are deserving of the brutal rape that you are asking for. Eventually, you will wish you had the tuftiness to cover the festering sores that now plague your sin hole. Then your kitty won’t be so pretty, will it?

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