Several weeks ago, America stole the spotlight from the London Olympics by landing a highly advanced robot on the planet Mars. The people of England were jealous and shocked, much like the rest of the world. How could America be so far more advanced than all the lesser nations on Earth?
Queen Elizabeth set a mandate: one up the Americans. The British couldn’t do that during the Olympics, because America won most of the gold medals and the most medals overall. The British quickly realized that America is just better. So, instead of trying to recreate the wheel and outdo America with something new, the British have tried to one up America by repurposing one of our prized inventions, the cheeseburger.
Succulent meat seared to hot perfection, placed between two toasted buns with a heaping mess of onions, melted cheese, ketchup and mustard, gives us Americans the strength to do things like land a rover on Mars. The British, known for their bad cooking, should have stayed out of the kitchen and left the cooking to America’s women. What would make these people think that ‘scientists’, let alone British scientists who cannot even put a man on the moon after 6,000 years, would know anything about a cheeseburger?
In less than 200 years, Americans put a man on the moon and had plenty of great grilled burgers and ice cold Budweiser by real American men to celebrate. This is how the British (even conspiring with the Germans) try to ‘show-up’ America. One, it’s disgusting. You cannot put cheeseburger in a can. It’s bad enough having to eat a leftover burger from the fridge the next day. Burgers are meant to be served fresh, juicy and hot!
At any rate, keep trying, redcoats. One day you’ll do something that impresses us.