• ChrisTWire Appoints First Deputy Detective of Sarcasm To Root Out Atheist Sentiments

    August 12, 2012 11:50 am 101 comments

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    It has been brought to our attention over the past few weeks that there may or may not be undetected instances of sarcasm on ChrisTwire. For those of you not familiar with sarcasm, it is an atheist weapon that infiltrates God-loving discussions posing as genuine concern. It then proceeds to corrupt from the inside, like some sort of Darwin super-AIDS virus. If allowed to fester unchecked, eventually it turns friend against friend, warping praise into provocation. In the past, enemies of God such as Jon Stewart, Richard Dawkins, and Hitler have infamously deployed sarcasm with devastating effect. See, atheists are notorious cowards that cannot come out and say what they really mean. So, instead they created the passive-aggressive weapon known as sarcasm to circumvent having to ever make a real point. The bill stops here, Godless scum! ChrisTwire must draw upon its diverse user community to bring forth a champion to protect us from the pernicious threat of undetected sarcasm.

    We have procured this sample of Atheist sarcasm although we are still unsure what point they are trying to make.

     

    We are so pleased to announce that we have found the perfect thing for the job. Our very own L.N. will, from this day forth, be appointed ChristWire Deputy Detective of Sarcasm! She is truly a sleuth of snark, a master of rooting out these cloaked agents of destruction and pulverizing them with truth. Because L.N. already monitors this site 24 hours a day without sleep, he will receive zero monetary compensation for his efforts but will surely be rewarded with a speedy entry through the gates of God’s Kingdom. Her main duties will consist primarily of documenting possible cases of sarcasm and reporting them to us for official review. To prevent possible abuses of power, we will still not pick up the phone for L.N. but rather his reports will be submitted weekly at the bottom of each article’s comment section in a 20-30 paragraph response as per usual for her. L.N.’s first task will be to examine the comments of the following list of undesirables that plague this holy site — CelestialDeath, Mainiac58, Ouroborus, Passion Pitt, KBLME, 36, and Claire.

     

    Artistic rendering of L.N. on patrol

    And so L.N. shall become ChristWire’s smiter of satire, pounding away the evil-doers that lurk in its shadows. Consider your days numbered, undetected sarcasm. Oh, and evasive irony… YOU’RE NEXT.

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