• God Strikes California with 4.4 Earthquake, Pot-smoking Gays to Blame!

    August 8, 2012 12:37 pm 18 comments

    Today God came down and personally knocked the Quualude laced noon-time quickie reefer out of the yearning mouth of every power bottom in Los Angeles.  He’s angry, my friends, and is getting tired of America’s fecal quagmire. 

    FOR IT IS WRITTEN:

    Mark 13:8

    For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places; there will be famines. These are but the beginning of the birth pains.

    Behold, the power of God!  He has struck down California yet again with a great earthquake!  Homosexuals today had their morning ruined, as their double mocha lattes dribbled all over their $400 Versace cashmere sweater vests as God plundered the homosexuals true booty desire:  high end fashion and Starbucks caffination.

    The Bible verse makes it clear. “Nation will rise against nation”, that is talking about the Olympics! China is whooping everyone and that already makes God frustrated, so he’s letting out his steam in ‘various places’. The Midwest is being hit with drought and famine. But at the beginning, there are the ‘birth pains’.

    Gays know nothing of birth pain!  But they do know about BACKSIDE PAIN and God has put the pain of birth deep into the guts of Earth and of every gay.  Quickly, message a ‘gay friend’ on Facebook and ask them if their backsides are sore after that Earthquake!

    They will likely get huffy, unfriend you and then talk bad about you because they are GUILTY AS CHARGED!  But the truth of the matter is that in Venice Beach, a tandem of gay botony majors from Loyola Marymount created a strain of marijuana that contains Qualuudes, the gay’s party drug of choice.

    The drug has the effect of loosening the rear sin muscles that power bottoms train hard to keep loose, fleshy and compliant to keep their promiscuous mates from seeking another hole to dig.  It’s all sick my friends, but it’s the way of the reverse intestinal winds in Southern California.  Somehow gays have started to serve this new gay smoke drug at Hooka bars, and the name of “Hash Pipe”.

    Hash is an anagram that stands for “Homosexual Anus Softening Herb”, and pipe means the phallus of the power top.  So this drug’s name is secretly letting the gays know it will ‘soften the powerful, pulsating rectal muscles so that the sin pipe of a thrusting top can enter’.  It’s all sick and the gay’s forgot, GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING!

    They even got so bold that they made a song about all this, called Hash Pipe by a band named Weezer.  In this song you hear some choice lyrics:

    “I’ve got my ass wide”

    “You’ve got your big g’s (gonads)”

    Knee stocking flavors!  West Hollyood and Santa Monica pier references!  Everyone is just lucky I’m not God, or it would have been shaken tsunami city!

    Dear friends, my Christian preaching is of love and peace. Please warn your friends and do the gay test, to see if they are using this new Quaalude laced hash pipe party drug! If so, they may be brining an earthquake to a city near you!

     

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    About The Author
    Reverend Clyde H. Higgins You're all sinners in the hands of an angry God, a spider dangling over the burning flames of hell and only protected by one silk thread. God has scissors ready and hates those who spin webs of sin.

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