Tampa Bay is spared and not struck by Hurricane Isaac, GOP Convention creates passover miracle.
Another ancient styled miracle has taken place at the new age Holy of Holies, the GOP convention. Hurricane Isaac is bearing down upon America, but there is one city that was spared. Just like the time of passover, where God shielded His people who observed their covenant with him from the Angel of Death, today we saw a similar miracle where all Republicans in the city of Tampa Bay enjoyed crisp, blue skies and a warm sun with not even a drop of rain. This was made so because Republicans are moral: our children are circumcised, we eat only of proper steaks and not non-cheap cuts of poor man’s meat and we pray to our God every day, giving him the offering of tithes from the hard work that makes our million dollar family worth entirely possible.
For days now, snarky liberals were pointing of their fingers and laughing, trying to say the fact Hurricane Isaac appeared to be bearing down upon Tampa Bay where the GOP convention was being held was final proof that God and Jesus Christ are not Republicans. This is nonsense. Let’s let the science speak for this fact, since that’s all liberals care about in an argument:
In the scientific weather chart up above, you can see the path of Hurricane Isaac was altered because prayers and GOP fund-raising in the city of Tampa Bay. We’re raising money to help Mitt Romney become president, so we can bring morality back into the White House. This is all holy work and when you throw in some prayers on top of that, it was only natural for God to give a little puff from his mouth and blow the hurricane a bit to the East. You can see an area of golden shielding exists, where our prayers and money are literally protecting Tampa Bay from any harm while the GOP Convention is taking place.
For those who walk by sight and not by faith, this little miracle should speak volumes unto you. The GOP Convention is more than just a collection of wealthy businessmen, politicians, lawyers and trust-fund kids. It is a meeting of people whose burning passion to keep America on the path of morality and holiness come together to celebrate life, tax breaks and the company of each other.
These are the true values that make America work and give us happier times. All this talk of Obama trying to raise your taxes, give alms to the poor (raising your taxes), cutting our military budget and making us a de factor member of the European Union is terrible and not pleasing. The hardship we suffer we have brought upon ourselves, for not voting for Senator John McCain and his proposed presidential secretary, Sarah Palin.
We need to get our heads on straight and realize that America was once in the very state it is in right now: Terrorists knocking on our doors, bad weather, high gas prices, horrible fashions and culture among the nation’s youth: that time was the late 1970s.
But in 1982, only 30 years ago, America changed course and voted for a man named Ronald W. Reagan. And look what happened : the 1980s saw some of the most perfect American weather. Gas prices dropped to under a dollar. Wonderful, holy 80s fashion replaced the gaudy of the 1970s and we saw a spectacular reemergence of kids turning to morality, with guys like Rick Astley and Michael W. Smith becoming the musical voices and cultural stewards of a new generation.
It’s time to vote for our new Ronald Reagan, Governor Mitt Romney. Let the GOP Passover be the final proof you need, America. It is a divine miracle.