• Russian Emosexual Punk Rockers Finally Arrested for Hooliganism

    August 18, 2012 5:44 pm 4 comments


    Shame, heaten ravers, shame! The Russian high command put the ravers Pussy Riot behind decontamination glass as they’ve been littered with musty sins after years of partying hard on the club scene. Russia courts finally charged this nasty band with ‘hooliganism’ and we can only hope this is the first of many of our Top 25 dangerous bands that we see brought to holy justice.
    In a strange show of morality, Vladmir Putin and the Russian government investigated the dangerous emo rave band ‘Pussy Riot’ after a ChristWire expose into their cult.  Just like the name implies, this group is all about convincing your daughters to do very immoral, sick things that should never enter an unmarried woman’s mind. 

    Nadezhda Tolokonnikova

    She is the one on the far left.  She’s the lusty ‘American Mistress of the group, named so because beneath her rugged, Great Depression Ken Burns photograph looking jawline and Okie hairstyle, lies a sizzling little vixen who enjoys tricking frat boys into picking up all sorts of disease by plowing her immoral gardens.

    Maria Alyokhina

    She is the hippy of the group, the purveyor of free love and puts the riot in Pussy Riot.  Normally, we would praise a young woman for lambasting Putin, but when it involves throwing giant, diseased parties where people listen to Skrillex and Deadmau5, we will side with Putin every time.

    Yekaterina Samutsevich

    Yekaterina is the Russian word for sexy, so her real name is Sexy Samutsevich.  Doesn’t that just soun dlike a Bond villain?  It’s appropriate, since this woman has caused several MI-7 and CIA operatives to defect and leak our nuclear secrets.

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    About The Author
    Pat Heinkel Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat

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