Tim Tebow’s Madden Rating Proves 2013 Dominance

Holy muscles drenched by the tears of heavens, Tim Tebow’s fitness is only outdone by his ability to create miracles in the endzone.  Tim Tebow’s Madden rating has many people jealously excited to wield the second greatest quarterback to ever play the game in Madden 2013.

John Madden NFL 2013 has done something unprecedented and unpredictable:  the developers have created the nearly perfect player, by default.  Gamers will soon learn that Tim Tebow’s nearly perfect 97 rating, way above Mark Sanchez’s paltry 80, gives him the ability to run through defenses with the speed of a cheetah and grace of a savannah gazelle.  He’ll be more dominate and hungry to run than Michael Vick at a hot dog stand in Coney Island.  But don’t think he’s a one trick poney:  Tebow’s 98 passing rating gives him the abilities of the legendary Mark Ripken, able to throw a 80 yard pass off his back foot while being beared down upon by any defense.

Detractors of Tebow are calling shenanigans, saying that Madden is unfairly trying to lobby for Tebow to get the starting spot in New York.  But EA Games insist that after watching Tebow train and play in the off-season, they realized the halo huxster was the best player to ever play the game.

Players will also be treated to a ‘shirtless’ backyard mode, where Tebow has the option to go sans jersey after he completes over 1,000 yards passing and rushing in the game.  Developers know this feature will bring a female crowd to the game and let men marvel and admire Tebow’s amazingly hard-earned, Olympianesque physique.