• Black Veil Bride Lead Singer Sonny Moore Skrillex Dies, Given Vampire Funeral

    September 28, 2012 2:20 am 154 comments

    Sonny Moore Skrillex’s grave had to be covered with blessed black iron, a way to keep his tortured zombie body from rising from the dead and trying to reunite with his band the Black Veil Brides.

    Editor’s Note:  Please help us mourn Black Veil Bride’s Sonny Moore Skrillex on the memorial page that has been established for him.

    Wachovia, Translyvania – A great loss today for the Gothic community, as their lead singer and idol Sonny Moore Skrillex has died.  He was only 44-years-of-age.

    Sonny Moore, aka Skrillex, started his life off as a troubled teen from Los Angeles.  Always shunned by his family for his aversion to daylight and strong desire for shoving raw meat down his mouth, Moore took to dark music and arts as a solace and way of stress release.

    As he aged, Moore turned his musical skill into a profitable hobby with a group of youths he met at a boy’s home named Strawberry Field, on the north side of Skid Row.  Moore and his friends called their band, “From First to Last”, a name of a carnal act they wanted everyone at their shows to perform if they wanted to get into the VIP section.

    After several years, the band realized that against quality 90′s era groups like Smashmouth and Sugar Ray, they just didn’t stand a chance.  Sonny Moore also hated doing concerts during any sort of daylight hours, hurting the band’s ability to really build up a strong fan base.  This is one moore told his band, ‘Let’s form a dark metal group’ and they slapped on women’s makeup, started playing their instruments even more demonically and renamed themselves the “Black Veil Brides”.

    From First to Last:  Jake Pitts (bassed guitar), Jinxx (tamborines), The Skrillex (weird electrical noises/lead vocals), Ashley Pretty (drug distribution, female vocals), Puts Christian in a Coma (atheist preist, league guitar).  The band will now face a tough time that their EDM chief and lead vocalist Sonny ‘Skrillex’ Moore has passed away.

    Black Veil Brides enjoyed relative success, playing at several small venues and birthday parties of celebrity children with parents who wanted to be seen as ‘edgy’.  But beneath the band’s black clothed exterior did not lie innocent young men wearing costumes for show:  they were all secretly practicing vampirism.

    Using the alias of “Andy Biersack”, Sonny Moore and his companions went out to steal the heart of a prist, so they could necromance Vlad the Impaler.  When the story broke, the Pope and others obviously prayed against the “Black Veil Brides”, named so that they could trick Catholic parents into allowing their kids to partake in their music.  While experts cannot figure out a cause of death yet for Moore to date, the power of the prayers agains this vampire spirit likely had much to do with his untimely, spontaneous passing.

    One day after his funeral earlier in the week, groundskeepers reported that Moore’s corpse bursted from its grave and attempted to walk in the land of the living, suckling the blood of small animals and even trying to bite a couple taking a late night stroll.  The secretive city of Wachovia tried to veil the secrets of what happened, but images of The Skrillex’s grave site now show it has been blessed by a priest and is shielded by Holy Roman cast iron.

    Hopefully with their lead singer now layed to rest, the Black Veil Brides threat will be gone from our children, forever.  Amen.

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    About The Author
    Reverend Clyde H. Higgins You're all sinners in the hands of an angry God, a spider dangling over the burning flames of hell and only protected by one silk thread. God has scissors ready and hates those who spin webs of sin.

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