• FESTIVAL OF FILTH AND SIN: Liveblogging the 2012 Democratic National Convention

    September 5, 2012 8:43 pm 12 comments
  • Share on Tumblr
  • By Mark E. Figs

    I’ve used my immense bravery to prepare this liveblog for all of you faithful Christwire readers. Enjoy this holy coverage from the filthy, filthy land known as Charlotte.

    9:39 PM — Speaker Bob King is lying about Obama using Chinese sorcery in order to boost the “U.S.” automobile industry. He must confuse Kia’s with Fords. King is advocating for the existence of Unions; however Unions are inherently Satanic — after all it was a “Union” that conspired to kill Christ.

    We’re awaiting Chancellor Obama’s arrival.

    9:45 pm — A group of drug-using, shady former “employees” of companies that Romney and Bain owned are onstage, slandering the glorious Governor. They’re complaining about being expendable assets of Romney. His job is to buy and own companies that provide YOU with jobs. Your firing is just a by-product — nothing personal, but a BUSINESS decision and a good one at that. Leave it to the homosexual sympathizing Liberals to have no concept of  how business works.

    10:03 pm — Sandra Fluke, known Liberal harlot and spokes-whore for the Democratic party stands at the podium, advocating for free sex and ungodly love. She is literally standing onstage, destroying the Bible. Free sex? Check. Abortions = Murder, paid for by taxpayer dollars? Check. Being able to spit in God’s face, disguised as “Women’s Rights?” Check.

    The right to choose, is the right to lose. God doesn’t want women to have rampant sex and then abort the fetuses. He wants them to be wholesome vessels of childbirth. This is the most offensive speech of the entire convention. I might have to go to the bathroom.

    10:16 PM — Elizabeth Warren comes onstage to praise Bill Clinton for having the tepidity for marrying Hillary Clinton. If this is a precursor to things to come, than I have no doubt that Bill will come onstage, crotch-chopping the crowd, surrounded by buxom blondes, and shooting t-shirts into the crowd with a rocket launcher. Ugh.

    10:27 pm —  Just got word from the pot dealer next to me that Obama will appear onstage with Clinton after his speech, presumably to mark the END OF DAYS.

    10:33 pm — A video intro for one of the worst Presidents ever is playing on the screen. I wonder if they will show Monica Lewinsky during this montage? In any case it’s the perfect example of one sleazeball introducing another, slightly more sinful and MUSLIM sleazeball.

    10:40 pm — The master of Sleaze, Bill Clinton has had Liberal plastic surgery to make himself appear younger. He spreads Liberal lies about jobs and Obama born in a log cabin he built himself. He accused the GOP of being far-right Conservatives who hate Negroes and the Democrats. Bill says he loves the Blacks.

    11:25 pm — The lights go down after Clinton delivers a rambling, incoherent speech about Comrade Obama’s falsehoods and lies. It is silent in the arena when all of a sudden this song blares over the loudspeakers

    And Obama struts out, with a wicked smile on his face. His speech may have been one of the worst excuses of Liberal propaganda that I have ever heard. We don’t need a “cool dude” with “awesome hair” to be our President.. we need a President who can lead us in our fight against the GayHomo agenda and the Chinese-Russian coalition.

    Thanks for rating this! Now tell the world how you feel through social media. .
    How does this post make you feel?
    • Excited
    • Fascinated
    • Amused
    • Shocked
    • Sad
    • Angry
    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

    Facebook Conversations