By Mark E. Figs
I stand before you today, brothers and sisters in Christ, with horrible news. News that can leave a hole in your heart, news that may actually make you cry.
There is a new dangerous trend these days, and its been labeled by secular teens as “blowing Robocop.” It refers to the act of huffing silver spray paint, leaving a “bukkake” mark of silver on their face, similar to what would happen if one was to give Robocop a “blowjibber.”
(Known homosexual, the “Ultimate Warrior” after an intense bout of “blowing Robocop.”
But Reverend, why would rad, cool teens huff paint? The answer is shocking and simple — so one can become high on drugs and ignore God’s laws concerning that our bodies remain pure and sober. Look at the picture above and it becomes clear that teens are easily influenced by these “role-models” and more susceptible to “blow Robocop.”
Robocop is the heterosexual hero of the movie series of the same name. In the movie, he was dismembered by pedophiles, rapists and homos — a clear metaphor for the dangers that each of these sinful practices bring! Robocop is a lot like Jesus in this sense. He was murdered for the wrong doings of others, and then brought back to life, in order to seek revenge on those who wronged him!
He, much like Jesus’, uses the power of holy retribution in order to rebuke the multitude of sinners! Oh hallowed be thy name when I call for that Kingdom of the most high! You can see then, why it is such an affront to not only Robocop, but Jesus when the concept of “blowing Robocop” is discussed. These sinful, hip teens might as well say that they’re “blowing Jesus” — it basically means the same thing!
But why would my teen son or daughter “blow Robocop?” How would my son or daughter “blow Robocop?” What can I do if my teen “blows Robocop?” I’ll tackle those three questions in this sermon, and offer advice on how to curb this unwelcome, hedonistic behavior.
The Obama administration has consistently made disparaging remarks about how abusing marijuana is acceptable, and encouraged. This has created a flock of ambition-less “stoners” who have no desire to do anything but ruin their bodies by smoking pot. In addition, this pot smoking often leads to junk food abuse, fondness for inappropriate video games, and desire to experiment sexually with ANYONE, including members of the same sex. This penchant for sin has a DIRECT CORRELATION with the rise in popularity of dubstep and Skrillex.
Known gangster rapper and avid drug user Wiz Khalifia has made numerous contributions to the Obama campaign and he is the unofficial Czar of Obama’s pot outreach program!
The truth is smoking marijuana is a definitive gateway to “blowing Robocop.” Users of pot and listeners of Wiz Khalfia (along with fans of the Assassination Creed video games) are at the forefront of this dangerous new trend. These teens tire of the same ol’ drug and then move on to get another fix, one that homosexuality and pot cannot satisfy. Thus, they decide to “blow Robocop.”
Your son or daughter can “blow Robocop” with relative ease! If you own a garage or shed unit, they can easily gain access while you are asleep, and steal a can of paint in order to “blow Robocop.” There they can “blow Robocop” until the wee-hours of the morning or until their GENITALS fall off — but that’s a side-effect that the Obama administration won’t tell you about!
Even if you don’t own spray paint, your teen can walk into any local hardware store and easily buy a can for less than three dollars! With this money, it’s possible that your son and daughter can “blow Robocop” and sin against God! Do you want your teen to sin against God? NOPE. That’s horrible and a death sentence — a sentence to HELL!
What to do if your son or daughter is caught “blowing Robocop?”
Well first and foremost, it’s IMPORTANT that you implement a rigid structure of intense spanking sessions! Broaden the backside of your sinful lot with your hands, until they learn to respect YOU and your Christian household!
Next, eliminate all outside sinful influences including — jewelry, makeup, music containing uptempo dance rhythms, Obama, Dubstep, “glam,” Wiz Khalifa, graffiti and “Hello Kitty.”
Confine your child to his/her room and continue to spank them while reciting scripture. You need to instill in them a sense of respect for the Lord, and Robocop. It is unbecoming for them to sully the good name of Robocop AND Jesus by referring to them in a sexual manner when sinning and using drugs.
Destroy your child’s will to smoke pot by whipping them with your hands, eliminating dance music, and teaching them the decent moral laws of Jesus, Christ our Lord. You can thank me later.
Statistics provided for this article were provided by the Christian Science Study for Disease Control.