• SCIENCE: Smoking Pot Causes Testicular Cancer

    September 10, 2012 1:51 pm 16 comments

    Two of the Beastie Boys pose outside a hedge shop in Venice Beach, where it’s well known everyone tooks a hook of hookah! Well too bad, liberals, because pot smoke is causing testicular cancer and we prove it with SCIENCE.

    For years I have warned everyone that pot is the most dangerous drug of all.  It is a hallucinogen, it causes all the drug wars in Mexico and now we find that it poisons the body with cancer.

    In 1981 I lived in Florida, enjoying my retirement and living out my golden years.  I preached and oversaw a great church, so it was not uncommon for me to receive phone calls to bless people who were on their death bed.

    One day I got a call from the University of Miami, sometime around September.  They told me to disecretely come and give someone their final blessing before death.  I obliged and was shocked to find the person seeking my blessing was none other than Bob Marley.

    He was laying there, looking so sad in the face.  I asked the doctors what got him and they told me, and these men were professionals, ‘marijuana causes ravaging cancer and he got it in the foot and his testicular region’.

    I was not shocked!  Their words only confirmed what my infallible faith had known since I heard of those hell damned beatnik commies doing the drug in the 1960s!  With all their loud music, lack of showers, twitterpating and can0odling all hours of the night without remorse, I knew there was something even more deadly in their lifestyles.  Maryjane!

    Those doctors from Miami could never release the facts they knew, they explained to me, because too many of their funders and grants were pro-drug.  They did not stand a chance of keeping a job if they reported the facts.  But now, finally, the truth has been set free.

    Scientists from the University of Southen California have discovered a link between recreational and second-hand marijuana smoke and testicular cancer.  People who smoke these deadly drugs have a 80% greater chance of being rotted away by non-seminoma tumor before they reach 30.  After 30, the risk increases up to 94%.

    All these facts were published today in CANCER, the official peer-reviewed journal of the American Cancer Society.

    “The group that is at risk for developing these tumors is overwhelmingly young men. They should be looking and paying attention to changes in their testicles anyway,” said Victoria Cortessis, one of the study’s authors and an assistant professor of preventive medicine at the Keck School of Medicine of USC in Los Angeles.

    As such, it’s being recommended that anyone who has smoked the deadly drug to immediately tell their doctor and also their local law enforcement where they got it, so others aren’t afflicted.  As Dr. Cortessis said, the fella’s Satan toking ”might be something they would want to mention to their usual health-care provider.”

    Cortessis et. al analyzed the recreational drug use of 16,300 young men who had been diagnosed with testicular cancer.  These young men were compared with 29,200 young men who don’t do stupid things like smoke weed or get drunk on the devil’s nectar.  Analysis immediately revealed that men who smoke drugs are 51% more likely to get mixed-germ cell tumors, which include the deadly non-seminoma tumors.

    Researchers speculate that marijuana smoke triggers the body’s endobannabinoid system, which is the body’s natural defense against any invasion of marijuana.  The human body correctly recognizes hemp smoke as a deadly pathogen and does all it can to defend itself:  it makes the smoker ridiculously hungry, so they will overeat, vomit and curl up in a ball.  This will keep them from smoking more.

    The body makes itself dizzy and loopy, so that hand-eye coordination will fail and the marijuana user cannot bring the parchment paper to his lips.  But this is also why so many traffic accidents are caused by potted-up drivers.

    The endocannabinoid system also ties to the cellular network that’s vital for the production of sperm.  So for every one sperm the body produces, a week smoker’s chance of getting testicular cancer increases by 51%. The study was was funded by the National Cancer Institute.

    Researchers have also sent a warning to  the 17 states where medicinal marijuana is legal, making it clear: “The findings suggest that the potential cancer-causing effects of marijuana on testicular cells should be considered not only in personal decisions regarding recreational drug use, but also when marijuana and its derivatives are used for therapeutic purposes.”

    The science here is pretty clear.  If you do not want testicular cancer, do not smoke weed.

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    About The Author
    Reverend Clyde H. Higgins You're all sinners in the hands of an angry God, a spider dangling over the burning flames of hell and only protected by one silk thread. God has scissors ready and hates those who spin webs of sin.

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