With a new school year upon us, we have a new season of worrying about our college sons being preyed upon by sorority college girls. It never fails that women will find new, inventive ways to seduce our sons and make them drop-out to become baby’s fathers. In the past we’ve had to warn our sons against Vajazzled jezebels and the dangerous Sip From My Devil Cup game, all parts of schemes to force our sons to spill their manliness into the incubator of a fiery little vixen.
But this new threat of Klebsiella Pneumoniae is beyond ridiculous and frightening. As we should have expected, women can eventually learn sciences given enough of exposure, and a group of girl scientists from California State Fullerton are apparently behind this new little pregnancy ponzi scheme.
According to our scientists, Klebsiella Pneumoniae is a mammalian lactose bred superbacteria that can ‘alter cognitive assosiation and inhibition’. That is, this bacteria can pack the punch of downing 2o flaming Russian vodka shots chased by Uncle Tweety’s liquid flipper LSD. It alters the mind.
The most likely source of this bacteria is a woman’s personal milk of mammals. Pregnant sorority girls at various colleges can go into a laboratory and milk themselves, carefully putting their babyfeed onto petri dishes were strains of normal pneumonia are placed. A woman’s pregnancy feed has the ability to overwrite the basic functions of a mind. That is how mothers can always brainwash a child to listen to her and cry to live with her if she needs a divorce. It’s all about the lactose milk.
The effect of human milk on a brain can be exploited all throughout an adult’s life, which is exactly where the Klebsiella Pneumoniae comes into play. Being able to quickly spread throught the body, this super bacteria (named for sorority girl/phD Allisyn Klebsiella of Sigma Alpha Episilon) makes the milk’s effect nearly instantaneous. When exposed to the milk of pregnant women, men cannot think clearly and can be easily brainwashed by mere suggestion. A woman possessing your son in her grasps, in the throes of ecstasy, is a no win situation for him. He will fall for her wiles.
Women are rubbing this Klebsiella Pneumoniae onto their lips and then making out with your sons at lung parties. They simply have to mix a bit of the gelly bacteria with lip gloss and your son will think his ‘hook-up’ for the night has sweet lips that taste like ice cream or honey milk. What he doesn’t know is that sweetness is going to eventually make him suggestive to his ‘sugar momma’s’ suggestions to take off everything and make babies. When he snaps out of the trance several weeks later, he’ll be week, spent and signing his upcoming baby up for Obamacare while he drops out of college in shame.
The pneumoniae is also used because it takes the human body 1 month to fight it off, meaning that by the time your son is able to snap out of his trance and the woman who possessed him, he’ll be baby daddy number 3 and not remembering how he got into such trouble.
Parents, warn your sons to keep their lips to themselves. Formerly pregnant women can easily make this concoction in any lab and they will use it to seduce his mind and then his lifetime, minimal wage wallet. After tricking three or four young men like this, a woman will always be set with alimony and child support. Your son will be a victim and always poor, living in your basement and working as the local ice cream man. That ice cream will be a constant reminder of how the milky taste of some college girl’s lips ruined his life.