There is a new video game store calling itself the Gamers HQ and it’s maybe the most dangerous thing since World of Warcraft was first released. This place has it all: super cheat game prices, demon games like World of Warcraft Morrow Wind and Mrs Pac Man (lesbian) and this beast demon game here!
Look at how these four poor college students cannot break their eyes from this game’s unholy grasp! Gauntlet Legends is the story of Satan’s life in the Medieval times, how he would go around to Christian cities and arise armies of darkness to slaughter the innocent and drink the blood of puppies his minions slew.
Those who play Gauntlet Legends get throne into Satan’s campaign, with one player having to be the atheist Wizard (“scientist”), one the Necrodemon (arising the dead), one a Night Shyamalan (a mystic healer whose power work under a full moon) and a Dread Knight Orc. These demonic forces join together in this game to do evil and can one-up their power once the user chants various Satanic things to the gaming screen. This game is forcing college kids to learn magic and big surprise that the most popular video game store is using it to lure in the innocent.
I wish I could see the stats, because I bet the dropout rate in America’s holiest capital city has increased by 500% and obesity x5 if not more! God does not like video games, my friend. They make the mind think of all these unholy natural thoughts full of color, imagination and magic! Video games make all the feats of Jesus in the Bible look like ‘weaked sauce’ in comparison. What’s a little walking on water and feeding a crowd of 5,000 with two fish when you have orcs with eye lasers torching a flying zombie whose body turns into mannah when you kill it.
I don’t even need to get into how Mrs. Pacman can turn your daughter into a pill-popping lesbian. Or even worse, how all the bright, flashing colors of a game like Left for Dead or Pokemon makes young women loose and compliant. Studies show that after 2 hours of Pokemon, a young woman will get all overheated and strip down to a sport’s bra, mistaking the game’s turn based tournament play for athletic competition. With all the guys around her all hot and sweaty, giving off their pheremones, it’s only a matter of time before they all go play touchy feely in the gamer’s lounge to unleash that tension!
These used video game stores are getting too high end and savvy. All these perks like video game lounges, women showing up to only get all hot and bothered and all these video gaming men around can only mean less homework being done, less wives home putting supper on the table, more men cheating around and the destruction of Western civilization.
It surely is a wild bonanza at Gamers HQ and please check out and ‘like’ their Facebook page, so we can keep track of them and warn more people about this cutting edge video game store.