Will Gangnam Style Harm My Family?
By Mark E. Figs – award winning saxophone player and neighborhood philosopher
Scientists in North Korea have recently used secularism to resurrect Kim Jong Il in order to perform an infectious and catchy dance song called “Gangnam Style” — which translated into English literally means “Open Condom Style.”
The popular hip-hop song features the re-animated Kim Jong Il in a variety of settings, all of which include him dancing or being terribly close to committing pedophile rape. This is just the latest in a long line of moves designed by the depraved North Koreans in their quest to take over the Western world. And so far, it’s (sadly) been working. As of today, the song has over 150 million views – the exact number of people living in North Korea’s most populous city, a city known for its rampant anal sex and America hating ways.
(Kim Jong Il “blowing his load” Gangnam Style at the sight of a five year old boy.)
But what exactly is Gangnam Style? Is it something that Christian families should worry about? The answer might shock and scare you.
Gangnam Style is Korean slang for “Animal Sex” — it denotes the commonplace Korean practice of having wild, unprotected, hedonistic sex, hence the word “Animal.” However, in English, “Gangnam Style” literally means “Open Condom Style” — similar in meaning to it’s Korean counterpart. While I am surprised that this song is already popular in the United States, it’s not surprising in the least that Blacks and college-aged Liberal youth love and identify with this song so much; they pretty much live it and heed its message on a daily basis.
Other sinful side effects of listening to Gangnam Style include:
Beastiality – Kim Jong Il frequently does a “horse riding” motion in the song. This is NOT meant to simulate horseback riding but rather to imitate the act of having “doggystyler” sex with animals. Kim Jong Il enters a stable full of muscular, beautiful horses in the beginning of the video; he immeaditley becomes flush in the face (and genitals) and mimics someone who would pull up behind a horse and thrust his hips and pelvis into the horse’s anal cavities. Do you want your children to have their first sexual experience at the petting zoo? Barack Obama does. That’s why he legalized gay marriage. And Kim Jong Il and his Gangnam Style push the envelope even further.
Pedophilia – Kim Jong Il tucks his large, grapefruit-sized testicle sack and tiny penis into tight pink shorts and sits on the beach, a five year old boy sitting on his lap. The boy begins to dance while Kim Jong Il begins to “thrust” behind him, simulating rape and rapping about Gangnam Style. Toby Keith or DC Talk would NEVER make a music video of this nature. Would you allow your son or daughter to be raped by an adult? No, probably not. But if you allow your family to listen to Gangnam Style or let them have fellowship with someone who listens to Gangnam Style then you run the risk of being the victim of pedophile rape.
Transsexualism – In the video, Kim Jong Il dresses disgustingly as a woman and rubs up on a man in a sauna. This alone made me vomit up over four days of delicious Kraft products. I have never seen such blatant promotion of sex-change operations and disgusting homosex. But Gangnam Style and its “Open Condom Style” sex acts make it clear that selling all of your precious family heirlooms in order to finance a sex change operation is more important than memorizing the books of the Bible or carrying around index cards with your favorite verses from the Book of Job highlighted.
Dancing – As many people know, we here at Christwire don’t believe in dancing. We abstain from the carnal practice of rubbing one another’s flesh together in rhythmic gyrations designed to inflame the genitals. Dancing is the fruit of homosexuality; it is a sinful practice that invokes the livelihood of Satan and his wretched ways, and thus we cannot support it. Kim Jong Il’s “Gangnam Style” is not only full of dancing, but it encourages dancing with people from all walks of life. Men dancing with children, men dancing with slut women, men dancing with men — it’s all a wicked walk down a frightening path, led by the pied piper of sin, Lucifer. “Gangnam Style” wants you to dance, and have sex with small children on the beach.
Homosexuality – Perhaps the most damning thing about “Gangnam Style” is its blatant support for obnoxious, in-your-face homosexuality. It features opulence unseen since the days of Liberace, the pornographer. The video is full of “fashion” which is the crutch of the gayhomosexual and many other sinful acts, mentioned in the previous bullet points. “Gangnam Style” is the captain of the S.S. Homosexual and it’s pulling into port — for your children and grandchildren. Will you let your loved ones aboard this vessel of homosexual gay inequity so that their hind parts can be pilfered in a reckless orgy of Kim Jong Il penis and bloated gayhomo flamboyance?
I hope not.
Instead of “Gangnam Style” one might want to check out DC Talk’s groundbreaking music.
I’m praying that you reject Kim Jong Il and his lustful “Gangnam Style” and instead accept Jesus into your heart.
Mark E. Figs is an award-winning scientist with a degree from Pepperdine. His latest essay “Tiger Sharks: The Elton Johns of the Sea?” has garnered world-wide acclaim from numerous international Christian Science organizations.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Mark E. Figs
Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)
1:31 pm
Took me about 15 minutes to realize this isn’t a comedy web site. I thought you were kidding for the longest time. All anybody’s getting out of Gangnam Style is a fat guy doing a funny dance in funny places.
Seriously, that’s it. To be perfectly honest most of the things I read in this article were more homoerotic than anything I got out of that video.
“Kim Jong Il tucks his large, grapefruit-sized testicle sack and tiny penis into tight pink shorts”…..Really?
Unless…for real, is this a comedy website?
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4:12 pm
Sir, I am afraid this site is all too real. You would do well to attune yourself to the horrid realities we all face today in this godless world. Christwire is a brave vessel of truth.
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3:13 pm
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4:07 pm
Thank you brother Figs for another gritty yet fitting commentary on the dangerous debauchery filled internet web dangers posed by youtube and facebooks. Why people spend time in those cesspools instead of viewing the fine articles on Gods most holy page, ChrisTwire, is a mystery to me.
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7:37 pm
So now the china has the power of resurrection does that mean jesus was from china?
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7:49 pm
No, that’s absurd. When Jesus comes back, he most assuredly will be American.
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8:24 pm
Arabic. Jesus was a towel head.
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1:22 pm
hmm No he will still be israelian and not an american therefore israel and USA are both a Bunch of terrorist
with the new stupid movie they make
you really wnat to die ? in the hand of Muslim you fucking provoke them
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3:17 pm
If you provoke someone and manage to make it look like he started it, you have a reason to defend yourself and go to war.
It´s less about terrorists and more about making the others look like the bad guys.
That´s one of the unwritten rules to justify war.
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1:21 pm
Korea *
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7:55 pm
And the Cancer has officially just let booze do the writing.
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7:51 pm
LN, just because you’re a vicious boozebag doesn’t mean everyone else is too.
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12:24 am
“award winning saxophone player and neighborhood philosophe”
AHAHAHHA how did i miss that
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12:27 am
i love u thank u for warning me i did not know it meant such profound things i will be sure to make sure my dautter never has posters of kim jong il or any asian peple because i kno they are able to change into kim jong thank u christwire thank u for keeping us on the path the glory bless u a-man
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1:17 am
I can do the dance from this video :3
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7:53 pm
Is there anything you can’t do, O-Dawg? Methinks not, laughing out loud (not sarcasm)!
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9:33 pm
Oh good…You’re finally accepting that Im the real Ouroboros
If you had ask me one more time, I was gonna have Mr.O show up to convince you that he wasn’t using my account anymore
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6:54 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cG7ZVBXQII
hey hey hey hey this is what your looking for
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8:25 pm
I’m a terrible dancer.
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6:39 pm
for someone who hates sex so much, you sure do use alot of words to describe it.
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7:51 pm
What a horribly misguided observation.
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5:34 am
Hows your band? or you just going to keep ignoring it seeing how it just proves you took some photo off the internet?
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3:16 pm
Detective Dipsh*t is on the case!
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6:21 pm
Take that as a yes hows your GF susan
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10:21 pm
Looks like the Koreans haven’t recovered their sanity since Nagasaki.
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11:32 pm
Are you racist or just retarded?
I’d say you’re both.
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1:28 pm
hmm or you failed in geography class ?
Nagasaki = Japan = worldwar II
korea = Korean war
Therefore Gangnam style is in SOUTH korea
Your supposed allies ( I said supposed because they are scared to defend themselve but if they really wanted they could They have support from Japan … Oh wait No Japan can’t help them because USA forbid them to Build an army
if it’s was of Japan I would tear up the fucking treaty and make a new one
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5:20 pm
Japan, Korea
SAME THING!
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7:13 pm
Two completely different countries, you retarded Lich.
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12:06 am
it’s Like saying american are canadian or american are european ?
seriously it’s not even the same thing
not the same language not the same culture not the same ideology
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1:11 am
ChrIstians, catholic
Same thing
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12:28 am
The entirety of this website is beyond words. skateboarders are going to rape your children at community centers? Lady Gaga is a proven transvestite? Sharing a Pepsi will make you gay??? Your so bound on “saving” people that you have resorted to spreading lies…. so congradulations….. YOU are going to hell. Good job!
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2:35 am
congratulations*
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3:55 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcLNteez3c4&feature=relmfu
YOU GUYS GOT IT WRONG THIS IS THE RIGHT VERSION MORONS
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3:16 pm
was this guy serious?? the song is from south korea, the guys is psy not kim jonng the 2nd my god people these days…..its only a song not some weird message about animal rape and stuff, obviously the author is extremely rascist. unblevieable
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12:05 pm
*facepalmrepeatedly*
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5:49 am
This article just gave me cancer… twice…
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7:13 pm
Too much stupidity to be mad…
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5:45 pm
Oh my fucking idol, this article almost killed me
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12:00 am
I have served this country for ten years and of all the friends i have had die i wish could be replaced by the christian morons who write and comment on this site
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5:52 pm
May I just say some things.
1. This website is a sham.
2.Gangnam style (translated to english) is Gangnam style. Gangnam is a town located in Seoul SOUTH Korea.
3.Yah a song can turn you gay (sure…)
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12:14 pm
I dint know about that third one. A friend of mine was singing that sinful song Smell Yo’ D**k and he then became homogay.
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11:09 pm
Thought sounding closely to open condom style
Oppa= boyfreind/brother
Gangnam style= very high up in style life aka rich
So bassically rich boyfreind/brother style
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7:32 am
That is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard. NO ONE disses Gangnam Styles and gets away with it. I’m a Christian but this is just ATROCIOUS! I am NOT a homophobe and I think people should be aloud to do what they wish with there OWN lives. I’m not sure whether to take this thing seriously or not.. if there a re people with opinions like this in the world then.. I feel sorry for you and ur children that are never going to be able to live life if u make them and urselves abide by these ludacris rules. I think i just became un-christian by reading this.
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1:02 pm
PLEASE HERE ME OUT,
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHERE YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION FROM. FIRST OF ALL
-”GANGNAM” IS A DISTRICT OF SEOUL “SOUTH KOREA” IT DOES NOT TRANSLATE TO OPEN CONDOM
-THE SONG WAS FROM SOUTH KOREA. SOUTH KOREA IS REPUBLIC
- NORTH KOREA IS COMMUNIST AND PEOPLE DON’T LISTEN TO K-POP ONLY LOCAL MUSIC. ANYTHING ELSE PEOPLE LISTEN TO THATS NOT UNDER THE GOVERMENT THEY WOULD GET THROWN IN JAIL
- HIS NAME IS PSY NOT KIM JONG. THE IDEA IS OF THE SONG IS THAT IT’S SUPPOSE TO BE ABOUT PSY TRYING TO LOOK COOL AND THINKS HIS ATRACTIVE WHEN THATS NOT WHAT HE IS. SINCE GANGNAM IS A RICH AND HIGH UP IN STYLE. IF YOU ARE KOREAN YOU WOULD GET THAT THE IDEA IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUNNY.
IF THIS WHOLE THING IS A JOKE, YOUR NOT FUNNY
YOUR INFORMATION ANGERS THE COMMUNITY AND MISLEADS CRISTIANS. YOU MAKE CHRISTIANITY LOOK BAD AMONGST THE NON CHRISTIANS FROM YOUR WRONG INFORMATION. PLEASE BE MORE OPEN MINDED AND DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE EXPOSING YOUR IDEAS TO PUBLIC.
I AM A K-POP(KOREAN POP) FAN, A CONSPIRACY THEORY RESEARCHER AND A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN
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11:33 am
Oppa- respectful term for an older male
Gangnam- a place in Korea
Style- obviously you should know what this means
In no way was Psy trying do anything inappropriate with his song. It is just amusing.
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