• Will Gangnam Style Harm My Family?

    September 12, 2012 4:14 am 50 comments
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  • By Mark E. Figs  award winning saxophone player and neighborhood philosopher

    Scientists in North Korea have recently used secularism to resurrect Kim Jong Il in order to perform an infectious and catchy dance song called “Gangnam Style” — which translated into English literally means “Open Condom Style.”

    The popular hip-hop song features the re-animated Kim Jong Il in a variety of settings, all of which include him dancing or being terribly close to committing pedophile rape. This is just the latest in a long line of moves designed by the depraved North Koreans in their quest to take over the Western world. And so far, it’s (sadly) been working. As of today, the song has over 150 million views  — the exact number of people living in North Korea’s most populous city, a city known for its rampant anal sex and America hating ways.

    (Kim Jong Il “blowing his load” Gangnam Style at the sight of a five year old boy.)

    But what exactly is Gangnam Style? Is it something that Christian families should worry about? The answer might shock and scare you.

    Gangnam Style is Korean slang for “Animal Sex” — it denotes the commonplace Korean practice of having wild, unprotected, hedonistic sex, hence the word “Animal.” However, in English, “Gangnam Style” literally means “Open Condom Style” — similar in meaning to it’s Korean counterpart. While I am surprised that this song is already popular in the United States, it’s not surprising in the least that Blacks and college-aged Liberal youth love and identify with this song so much; they pretty much live it and heed its message on a daily basis.

    Other sinful side effects of listening to Gangnam Style include:

    Beastiality —  Kim Jong Il frequently does a “horse riding” motion in the song. This is NOT meant to simulate horseback riding but rather to imitate the act of having “doggystyler” sex with animals. Kim Jong Il enters a stable full of muscular, beautiful horses in the beginning of the video; he immeaditley becomes flush in the face (and genitals) and mimics someone who would pull up behind a horse and thrust his hips and pelvis into the horse’s anal cavities. Do you want your children to have their first sexual experience at the petting zoo? Barack Obama does. That’s why he legalized gay marriage. And Kim Jong Il and his Gangnam Style push the envelope even further.

    Pedophilia — Kim Jong Il tucks his large, grapefruit-sized testicle sack and tiny penis into tight pink shorts and sits on the beach, a five year old boy sitting on his lap. The boy begins to dance while Kim Jong Il begins to “thrust” behind him, simulating rape and rapping about Gangnam Style. Toby Keith or DC Talk would NEVER make a music video of this nature. Would you allow your son or daughter to be raped by an adult? No, probably not. But if you allow your family to listen to Gangnam Style or let them have fellowship with someone who listens to Gangnam Style then you run the risk of being the victim of pedophile rape.

    Transsexualism — In the video, Kim Jong Il dresses disgustingly as a woman and rubs up on a man in a sauna. This alone made me vomit up over four days of delicious Kraft products. I have never seen such blatant promotion of sex-change operations and disgusting homosex. But  Gangnam Style and its “Open Condom Style” sex acts make it clear that selling all of your precious family heirlooms in order to finance a sex change operation is more important than memorizing the books of the Bible or carrying around index cards with your favorite verses from the Book of Job highlighted.

    Dancing —  As many people know, we here at Christwire don’t believe in dancing. We abstain from the carnal practice of rubbing one another’s flesh together in rhythmic gyrations designed to inflame the genitals. Dancing is the fruit of homosexuality; it is a sinful practice that invokes the livelihood of Satan and his wretched ways, and thus we cannot support it. Kim Jong Il’s “Gangnam Style” is not only full of dancing, but it encourages dancing with people from all walks of life. Men dancing with children, men dancing with slut women, men dancing with men — it’s all a wicked walk down a frightening path, led by the pied piper of sin, Lucifer. “Gangnam Style” wants you to dance, and have sex with small children on the beach.

    Homosexuality —  Perhaps the most damning thing about “Gangnam Style” is its blatant support for obnoxious, in-your-face homosexuality. It features opulence unseen since the days of Liberace, the pornographer. The video is full of “fashion” which is the crutch of the gayhomosexual and many other sinful acts, mentioned in the previous bullet points. “Gangnam Style” is the captain of the S.S. Homosexual and it’s pulling into port — for your children and grandchildren. Will you let your loved ones aboard this vessel of homosexual gay inequity so that their hind parts can be pilfered in a reckless orgy of Kim Jong Il penis and bloated gayhomo flamboyance?

    I hope not.

    Instead of “Gangnam Style” one might want to check out DC Talk’s groundbreaking music.

    I’m praying that you reject Kim Jong Il and his lustful “Gangnam Style” and instead accept Jesus into your heart.

    Mark E. Figs is an award-winning scientist with a degree from Pepperdine. His latest essay “Tiger Sharks: The Elton Johns of the Sea?” has garnered world-wide acclaim from numerous international Christian Science organizations. 


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    About The Author
    Mark E. Figs Mark is an award-winning children's author, and Christian Conspiracy Theorist can be found on Facebook and Twitter -- (Mark E. Figs)

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