NASA Discovers Oil On Mars
United States Colony of Mars (ChristWire) - New images captures by America’s Mars Rover has revealed what we had hoped all along: Mars is filled with oil. Tons of it.
NPR’s release of NASA’s findings has shocked the world at large, as many incorrectly assume that oil is the product of dinosaur bones. Since dinosaurs have never existed, here or Mars, it leaves us with one true fact: God has placed that oil there on Mars, by some means, and we must now develop our space fleet so we can secure it and ship it.
The Bush Administration long theorized that Mars did contain oil that would be vital for America’s continued dominance of the planet and eventually of space. For this reason, President Bush mandated that the USA establish an official Martian state by 2027 and prepare orbital defenses to shoot down any other nation who may try to plunder our resources.
NASA officials say the oil wells are so bountiful that they spout every Autumn, as we can see in this dynamic imagery. The oil is largely carbon based and comes out cold, according to quantified telemetry. The cold turrets of icy oil may even be more combustible than that we have on Earth, meaning that the yield of one Martian mindfield could represent quadrillions of dollars per annual shipment.
Officials assume that under the surface, Mars contains a giant subterrarean ocean of oil, just waiting to be freed. Dr. Phil Christianson of Arizona State University reports, “If you were there, you’d be standing on a slab of carbon dioxide ice. All around you, roaring jets of carbon dioxide gas are throwing sand and dust a couple hundred feet into the air. The ground below would be rumbling. You’d feel it in your spaceboots.”
While even Obama has recognized the need to establish a Martian base at this point in his presidency, he must be kicked out of office so Mitt Romney — a man whose faith dictates travel to other planets — will fund NASA with more military spacecraft funding so we can take over Mars and secure all this oil.
In related news, now is a great time to invest in Halliburton stock.
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Author: Christian deGrasse Tyson
Christian deGrasse Tyson is a Liberty educated physicist with expertise in theoretical Christian astrophysics. When not illuminating the minds of college students, Dr. Tyson enjoys submerging himself in books and writing.
3:39 pm
How do you read ‘dangerous black spots’ and think it’s oil? Your own source says you’re completely wrong, go back to school and learn to read, you fucking idiot.
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4:06 pm
Why did you post a photo of your ass?
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8:52 pm
how horrible do you want the blind to see or the seeing to go blind the blind are lucky they do nt have to see romney or bill o reilys face which for most is a curse
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4:23 pm
So, you think that Mars is filled with oil…… are you on drugs?
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5:22 pm
Look at all of that precious, precious oil! God truly is great and loves most of us! PRAISE HIS NAME!
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6:03 pm
Fuck your god.
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6:26 pm
YEAH, because that totally looks like oil and not just black points. (idiot)
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8:19 am
since when there is a “colony” on mars ?
but No there is No oil ( or dinosaur on mars for the matters )
and seriously Mars doesn’t belong to USA neither
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10:11 pm
Uh, dinosaurs have been proven to have existed. It’s an undisputed fact, unlike God. Saying dinosaurs never existed is like saying birds dodo birds never existed.
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1:25 pm
“NASA officials say the oil wells are so bountiful that they spout every Autumn, as we can see in this dynamic imagery. ”
Can you prove that?
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7:56 pm
Bless you brother Christian deGrasse Tyson for giving us this wonderful news of God’s bestowing the USA with such a bounty of beautiful oil!!! As soon as NASA puts a man on Mars to plant the American flag of Christian freedom & liberty Mars becomes a possession of the U.S. We can then cheaply extract US oil from the US Colony on Mars then starve out those backwater Muslim camel-jockeys by cutting off their sacred source of Muslim life… The US Dollar! — Keep the prayers up Christian brothers & sisters for our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ will not allow America, God’s chosen nation to slip into the abyss. Praise Jesus!!!
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9:17 pm
um im sorry but under a direct right which seemed stupid at the time but it exist if any country has finds or settles on anything in space that is unknown it does not belong to them same goes for under water
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5:08 pm
Jesus was actually gay. It’s true, read the bible. Jesus loves the cock.
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6:35 pm
Its really sad how you believe this.
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