• Why Must Women Dress Like Sluts for Halloween?

    November 1, 2012 1:35 am 89 comments

    With another Halloween nearly behind us, sensible men of the world once again sit at home, in bars, at work or in their cars, bewildered and shocked, trying to figure out what happened today.  All year, women spend their time acting dignified, acting like it is men to blame for all the sexual tension that exists in the world.

    But today, how many of you men were forced to ogle a witch’s cleavage at work, while she lustfully bent down in front of you to hand you some TPS reports?  How many innocent college aged gamers were innocently standing at their video game stores, when suddenly a bevy of young prostitutes in stilleto leather boots sashay in for no reason, other than to make everyone salivate and catch glimpses of their pert backsides sticking out from tight, snappy short skirts, unguarded by panties or even a thong?

    One cursory scroll through Facebook will show women worldwide, married or single, with child or barren, doing their best to send out their patently slutty pictures so they can get cheap likes and personal messages from guys clamoring for a one night whirl in their most pleasure place.  Gone today are their usual claims at fairness or insecurities:  women spend all year nitpicking and getting upset if their husband or boyfriend but look cross-eyed at a tempting, fit curve beneath the fabrics of yoga pants, but tonight, they venture out into thickets of men, doing their best to mask their desire to reveal their flesh and sexuality beneath the guise of some random character they could care less about.

    Case and point.  Look at Big Bird up above.  Big Bird has never had anything to do with sexuality.  Big Bird is a just puppet designed to teach children about sequential recitation of the letters in the alphabet and friendship.  Yet, only this week, Sesame Street had to take legal action to bar women from making even sluttier Big Bird costumes.  Why are women dressing up as giant, slutty yellow birds?  Simple, it garners them more attention!

    Men, you must realize that at her heart, a woman is no better than her source.  The source of all women is Eve, a woman who disobeyed the orders of God and fornicated with a snake in the forest.  The attraction to a foreign, unknown ‘snake’, fleshy and slithery, yearning and lusting for her body, is a temptation not one woman can resist.  Ask your woman if she’s ever thought about cheating on you, even if it’s just giving men a secret glimpse of her body or ogle of her flesh?  If she says no, she is telling you lies so now you have that to worry about too.  Halloween is the one day of the year where you get to see the true inner psyche and habits of women, revealed.  Women want to behave like this and trust me, they do when they think you are not looking or will never find out.

    At this point, women are naturally huffing and will claim this is not true, because we’ve stepped right on their toes and revealed what’s going through their minds.  To drive the point home, let’s see how women spent their day corrupting the true intent of various characters so they could gain the attention of as many men as possible:

    What does Ned Flanders have to do with tight-tights, sharp fetish blades and a backside pucker so sumptuous, that even gays would stamp their feet and switch teams to have but a thrust into this lusty little vixen?  There is nothing moral about this picture and Ned Flanders was supposed to be an upstanding Christian, not a tempstress.

    What is so sensual about a half-burned cyborg who has to use a fancier C-PAP machine 24 hours a day?  Somehow, women have taken one of the greatest villains of all time and turned into a bait-magnet to get several more likes from the ex-boyfriends on Facebook.  There is a galaxy that existed long ago, far, far away where I’m sure we could send women to gulags for things such as this.  And why the Michael Jackson pubic grab fetish?  It’s more than just a potty pose going on here.  It’s the two-finger tickle and you can rest assured there’s nothing bet Jezebel juice within this leather getup.

    Next, we find Zelda.  We’ve already exposed this cult today, for their blame in causing Hurricane Sandy.  The title character of the game is supposed to be a neatly dressed action hero, but we can see this young woman took that idea and ran with it.   How is a man not going to like this image?

    Today’s situation is much like we found with the comic book girl nerd panties.  Young women crave attention from men, no matter their status of commitment, and when opportunity presents itself they will take action.  Halloween is a special day where women for whatever reason think no tradition applies and they can be harlots, then go back to normal the next day.  This will never stop, most likely, because it is the nature of the beast.

    To break it down in finale, there is the parable of the scorpion and the fox.  The scorpion, shimmering brilliantly like onyx under an Egyptian sun, strolled up the Fox.  “Hey, Fox, please let me jump on your back and ride you across the river.  I will drown without your help.”  “No,” said the Fox, “you will just stab me in the back and we will both drown.”

    The scorpion continued to plead, begging innocence and denying is true nature.  The Fox finally relented, agreeing to let the scorpion hop upon his back.  Halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the Fox.  “Why did you do this, we will both drown,” exclaimed the Fox.

    “Sorry, it is my nature!”

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    About The Author
    Derek Van Buren

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