• Enter the New Year with Christ

    December 31, 2012 9:38 pm 354 comments
    Here's to your inevitable failure!

    Here’s to your inevitable failure!

    Everyone is hard at work making their New Year’s resolutions. I wonder why that is? Do you think it has anything to do with copious consumption ravaged by the average overweight American? New Year’s resolutions are a product of a country in deep denial. The problem is this: greed, gluttony and “gimme, gimme, gimme.” I call those the six G’s. Most of us think we deserve an extra helping or an addictive substance. “I worked hard, dammit!” They might say, “I deserve this spending spree at the porno store. ” Americans have been brainwashed to believe it’s  A-OK to “treat yourself”. Why don’t you treat yourselves to a little behavior management?

    As a result of poor self control and an excessive appetite for all things sinful, consequently our society is a nation of  overfed perverts and addicts of all kinds. You’re probably one of them. Take a deep look inside. This year find a solution, don’t repeat the inevitable mistakes of your previous resolutions – none of which had a chance in hell. Make Christ your solution.

    Americans are always causing a ruckus about their “rights” and “entitlements”.  They love to argue till they’re red, white and blue in the face about liberties and injustices. What a load of crap. All the greed and gluttony comes at an unattractive price, mind you. Would you call early onset dementia attractive? How about early onset death? So you have a right to smoke, snort

    Go ahead, snort up your youth.

    Go ahead, snort up your youth.

    and sodomize your way to inner peace and happiness, ‘Whatever makes you happy’. Go right ahead, don’t let me try and stop you yet. Go on, indulge yourself like there’s no tomorrow, because there actually might not be one for you.

    This year make it work and just give up on yourself. Instead, enter 2013 with Christ as your psychotherapist. You’re a psycho, and most of them , or all of them, need therapy and that includes you. It’s time to align yourself with moderation and responsibility. It’s called being an adult. Ask yourself, would Christ approve of my behavior? Most likely no.

    So in 2013 make it the year you stop using  Craig’s List to find sex partners. Do it for Christ.

    For  2013 , put an end to you suffering addiction to masturbation and your bizarre S&M fetish. For Christ would disapprove of you becoming a slave to your own genitalia .

    Make this the year you finally slim down and reach an appropriate weight for a person of your stature. Once you use moderation and stop pounding your triple chinned face with greasy fast food, donuts and bacon sundaes – you’ll thank Christ. There’s little room for the obese in God’s Kingdom. And if you think you  deserve a bacon sundae then maybe you ought to be on the way out. I’ll get my shovel ready.

    Gluttony defined

    Gluttony defined

    Make this the year you stop your endless addictive cycle to booze/ drugs /cigarettes/porn/lying/gambling/sodomizing/assaulting… obviously this list could go on.  Tell me that on January 1st you’re going to join a gym and stock up on Nicorette  and finally make those necessary changes. For who – yourself?  Make Christ the solution this time,  not more of your hare brained resolutions   doomed to failure.  You already know you’re not going to get it right. With Christ you won’t ever have to make a New years resolution  again. Not ever. Because for once in your life, it’s not about you. It shouldn’t be.

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    About The Author
    Eunice Political agitator at Americans for Inequality, campaigned strongly against Vermin Supreme until I cured him of demonic possession. Now we are BFFs. I enjoy the Facebook, crochet and mixing martinis, especially dirty ones. I'm a lonely widow only seeking to meet new friends as my life is an absurd island of loneliness. I believe in faith and wisdom. Hard work is a staple to a happy, productive living. I swim and do the yogas but for the most part shopping and relaxing at spas keeps me very busy and useful. I'm proud to be a well off American. Scrabble anyone? I'll kick your ass.

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