by Mark E. Figs
(Pizza Pizza!, he thinks.)
Obese hate-monger and anti-American Godless man of filth, Hugo Chavez is facing the ill effects of chastising the greatness of America, as he suffers another cancer-related setback. It’s apparent that God is punishing this disgusting Socialist heathen for speaking ill of Christ’s beautiful invention, America. Just another day at the office for the leader of a Latin American country.
When will these pagan neanderthals learn that speaking ill of Christ’s America only ends in violence and death? Jesus does NOT allow rampant criticism of his great design without severe consequences — as Saddam Hussein, Col. Gaddafi and Osama Bin Laden found out. And now Hugo Chavez joins these ranks, as his pathetic groveling to be included among these sadistic God-hating socialists is finally answered — with a recurring cancer diagnosis!
Did you really think God would let this icon of slothfulness, this obese pile of brown flesh DECRY the greatness of America for THAT long? God doesn’t just allow bad things to happen to America, otherwise we’d be governed by the king of China by now.
Latin America is going to learn that their backwards way of life is not going to work in a rapidly-changing world that is becoming more and more dependent on Christ and Christ’s America. Hugo is just one of many Latin American leaders to complain incessantly about America — Christ’s Nation — and is also one of the many to face God’s vivacious wrath.
Mexico? Drug infested and littered with corpses. Colombia? Drug infested and full of corpses. Cuba? Run by the bloated purveyor of Communism, Castro (who is also facing God’s wrath).
Countless other Latin American countries are facing God’s wrath, with poor economics and grotesque ways-of-life. But none are facing such severe consequences as Hugo Chavez.
Hugo, Hugo, Hugo. You had fun. You got fat off the backs of hardworking Venezuelans You redistributed the assets accrued by successful Venezuelans and “nationalized” them — giving scourges of sinful, undeserving poor the chance to make a mockery of decent hard work! Your obsession with Socialism is Biblical in proportion; and much like your beloved ideology’s Idol (Lucifer*) you too will suffer a Biblical fate. Struck down by the hands of an all-powerful God!
*Socialism, which stresses “equal opportunities for means of production” was directly lifted from Lucifer’s philosophy that ALL angels were on par with God. A claim that was quickly met with swift punishment from our loving God)
I am not gloating about Hugo’s cancer; rather celebrating the actions of my God, who proves time after time that he is not only a loving God, but a vengeful God. The same God that dictated the Ten Commandments to Moses long ago, the same God that warned about false idols and other gods is punishing this glutton of Latin America! Chavez’s socialistic practices are harmful in their construction; it upsets the natural balance of society that God has created.
So, enjoy your hospital stay Hugo. Maybe this period of medical treatment can allow you time to read up on your Bible and realize that America is GOD’S COUNTRY and full of his chosen people. Take some time to rethink all those harmful things you said about America and God.
Either way is fine, because judging by your cancer diagnosis, it looks like you’ll be able to spew all your AntiChrist rhetoric directly to God’s face soon enough any way.
Mark Figs is a certified lifeguard and former fashion model for ChristWear. He has written several books and is developing a pilot for NBC called “Pastor Cops.” He can be found online on the Twitter and Facebook.