The biggest event of 2012 is right around the corner ; Armageddon is December 21st and everyone’s going! But the question on most lips is what to wear. How you look is going to matter A LOT , but dressing for functionality and comfort will never be so important. As most God-fearing Christians know Planet Earth will succumb to a fiery abysmal inferno on the last day of the Mayan Calender 12/21/2012. It’s sneaking up fast. Quite coincidentally, there are other cosmic forces to be considered most notably the winter solstice and the sun’s alignment with an quirky and unpredictable black hole in the galaxy. Earth could go all topsy- turvy even before you solidify your final plans. Final being the operative word here, so listen up. As we all prepare for atomic incineration we need to consider the likely elements that will destroy us first. The really layered look will need to enter your fashion vocabulary. Plan wisely. It could go from scorching hot to sub zero in a matter of mili seconds.
There are a number of dire predictions , including the Mayan “Long Count” , The Tribulation, Rapture, and End of Days. Will you want to stick around for the fireworks? With the right funds you can board a shuttle and leave the flaming wreckage of Earth behind. Don’t expect sympathy from me. God has a way of weeding out the weasels. Your departure will also weigh heavily as you finalize for the festivities. For the pussies who have the funds to leave Earth , Escapism is the route to go. Style is still maintained with Ga Ga-like inspirations , but comfort and safety can be taken into consideration. Remember it’s not Escapism unless it is truly “out of this world” ; an important distinction.
For those of us staying behind, and awaiting Rapture, now is the time to listen to God’s Word, quit your day job,and start working full time for Christ. Unfortunately, you’re going to experience discomfort before it’s all over, that’s the harsh reality. And with practicality and safety winning out over style, functionality is the theme with just a splash of retro Mad Max. Count on survivalism to be the trending fashion for the End of Days. Here’s a handy list designed for those with style and survival in mind .
1.Head Gear: I prefer to wear a classic sloping derby, but again, not practical. A helmet is necessary protection from volcanic debris, projectiles and other falling space junk. A gas mask is also necessary, and one can combine the two in a fashion statement that speaks “I am fearless, prepared and strange”. Check gas masks for NBC standards: Nuclear Biological and Chemical agents. Important!
2. Eye protection. Score points with Hell Storm SpecOp goggles for $69.99 at AGM. These specs have a sleek yet mysterious appeal, and yet tells the rest of the soon to be extinct population that your sense of down to the wire style is beyond measure. Think of how this will make you look when the Lord is picking winners. You’ll be first in line!
3. Bug out bags. No wardrobe is complete without one. Radiates an allure of preparedness that will even impress members of your desired sexual orientation. Not that there’s any time for last minute quickies. But at least you’ll have the opportunity to go out thinking, “Yeah, I still got it ,” However delusional that may be. BOBs should have batteries, matches, rope , hand warmers, Iodine tablets , zip lock bags and mace. You’ll understand why later, don’t ask, just obey.
4. Flame retardant jackets, trousers and outerwear. Check for “No melt, no drip” fabrics that resist fusion to the skin. These fabrics tend to be more expensive than other FR fabrics, but now’s not the time to skimp. Imagine how much it would SUCK to be peeling away layers of scorched flesh from your body just because you settled for something cheap. Splurge. DriFire features fabrics with antimicrobial protection; so even under the greatest levels of panic and duress, you’re fresh as a spring daisy. Worth the extra buck.
5.Footwear: Don’t settle for less, the right footwear might not be attractive but remember, you may need to escape a collapsing structure with sharp glass or burning embers all around you. You want a shoe that PERFORMS. What if you had to quickly exit an area that became contaminated with boiling hot radioactive waste and your boots melted? Talk about DISAPPOINTMENT. Try the Modern Survivalist for best tips on sturdy FR footwear.
6.Accessories: accentuate your look with a colorful scarf or sport an edgy Islamic look with a colorful turban hijab. Nothing says “I don’t give a shit ” more than Islamic adornments hanging in crispy remnants.
With Christmas and New Years most likely “postponed” for good, it’s not too late to return holiday presents and stock up on other essentials like MREs. Still available at your local Army Supply store, but hurry. These packaged treats are flying off the shelves like hot-hot-hot cakes.
There’s less than two weeks to get your lazy behind in full commando and bring together the essentials of survival while expressing your radiant and colorful personality. You’ll want to look awesome, but dress for survival success too. Think of the EMBARRASSMENT you’d feel if you were tagged in in a photo with your face bubbling like a vat of boiling cheese. No thanks.
Good luck with your purchases Brothers and Sisters, and please, do share your shopping and survivalist tips. I found most of my immediate essentials at my Army Surplus store including fashionable furs, ammo and trendy dog tags. The end may be a precarious ride to God’s cosmic Fallout Shelter, but we can at least count on chaos and mayhem. Pretty soon it’s Home sweet annihilation! Hope to see you on the other side! God Bless!