Will Ferrell is in the headlines this week, not for a new movie but for perhaps revealing to the public a long, deep-harbored secret: he likes the backside pleasure.
At the Art Basel last week, Ferrell showed up with what homosexual insiders call a ‘stink stache’. The stink stache is a popular feature in the gay community, allowing a man to ‘contain’ the musk of his partner in his facial hair, so he can lust for him throughout the day after a wild night of pleasure. The oily pheremones of the human body readily absorb into the ‘stink stache’, making it the ultimate aphrodisiac within the ‘bear’ community of homosexuality.
Will Ferrell’s new movie ‘Anchorman 2’ features a character named Ron Burgandy, who wears a fake moustache. Some defenders of Ferrell’s straight lifestyle speculated that perhaps the moustache is for the movie, but it is important to remember that Burgundy’s moustache is stately and 70’s chique, a throwback to times when men would wear wooly Ditka sweaters and cheer for the Bears in -20 degree weather. The moustache Ferrell is sporting is more primal and feral, a bit unkempt and hap-hazzard, showing that it is more sexualized in nature and untouched so none of the scent will be washed out. The real question is who is Will Ferrell mounting these days?
Whatever the mystery behind this new moustache, we fully support Will Ferrell in his life choices and encourage everyone to go see Anchorman 2. The tale is a story of how news should be: man dominated, with tight-bottomed women as objects to slap on the keister for a secretarial job well done.