Pope Benedict joined Twitter early Wednesday morning after new reports that Howard Stern (@HowardStern) corrupted over 1,345,000 followers with gross potty jokes and explicit pictures of his sidekick ‘Robyn’, a Wanda Sykes styled comedian who many of his fan’s Twitter fans voted to be 2012’s most desirable woman.
Since being elevated to a ‘judge’ on America’s Got Talent, Howard Stern found a new degree of power, authority and influence to wield. While he plays squeaky clean comedian on network television, behind the scenes on his raunchy internet show and internet life, Stern continues to literally milk the teets of the innocent for a laugh and giggle.
We can see for the holidays, Howard Stern is trying to make his fans think about women and cats in heat for Christmas. With dreams of a milksack maiden and all those cats around, it’s only a matter of time before the more impressionable fans on his Twitter have visions of archbacked powerbottom sugar plums mewing and clawing in their head. We would like to see the statistics, because this subliminal image is nothing but sexual propaganda that is forcing people who see it to think about sexualized thoughts.
Stern’s defenders will say the image is clean and the colors, attractive milk maiden and specific placement of those cats was not intentional, but then we see only days before Stern tweeted a YouTube video on which he talked about the saucy details between Nick Cannon and his bountiful wife Mariah Carey.
The show that really caught the Pope’s attention was actually July 30th, 2012. We had joined with the interfaith political network to pray for Howard Stern and ask God to reach down and redirect his website to ChristWire.org, which if you follow his Twitter you will know happened. Fans cried and became scared when they looked to Stern’s Twitter and personal website, to only be redirected to http://foxnews.com. But even though God had taken control of the internet, Stern’s most masterful execution of sinful defiance to decency and the Christian faith was underway.
The show kicked off with Howard Stern forcing a Catholic college boy to fart on his mom. No, this is true. As soon as his Twitter was working, Stern proudly posted the picture and said it was a holy sacrament for ‘Christmas in July’.
Immediately when he was done confusing innocent college students with his brainwashing prank, Stern further confused them all with the enticements of Tiffani Amber Thiessen, aka, Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell. Stern knows that grad-level and doctorate college students of today were hormonal and randy back when Saved by the Bell was at its zenith. Stern exploited this fact by inviting Kapowski on the show and weakening her defenses by plying her with filthy images, asking to see her ‘milky Kapowskis’ and even having Robyn the tongue master hit on her using the DeGeneresian humor method.
Hot, bothered and confused, a flushed Theissen admitted that she slept with someone when she was 14-years-old, setting off an orgy of sin amongst everyone watching the episode from Stern’s Twitter post of the YouTube video. Stern made the entire episode hit an awkward climax when he allegedly said, “I used to beat off to you every day when you were on 90210”. This made millions of viewers feel more justified in googling images and doing the unthinkable.
With shows just as sultry as described every airing day, Pope Benedict realized that only he was powerful enough to counter the power of Stern’s perversion. The Pope’s first message was gentle and kind, gently caressing the wounded souls of everyone who has been following Howard Stern:
“Dear friends, I am pleased to get in touch with you through Twitter. Thank you for your generous response. I bless all of you from my heart.”
To make sure his message reached a maximum audience of interet exposed people, the Pople also tweeted the same in seven other languages: Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, German, Polish, Arabic and French.
“How can we celebrate the Year of Faith better in our daily lives?” Benedict tweeted a little more aggressively later, adding, “By speaking with Jesus in prayer, listening to what he tells you in the Gospel and looking for him in those in need. And not doing the things Howard Stern say are okay to do on his Twitter.”
Pope Benedict’s powerful words will hopefully turn people away from sin and maybe even turn Howard Stern over to Christ, so he will make his radio show about bringing people to the Lord and making raunchy porn vixens turn over their lives to Christ live on air.