• Proof That Cats Were Not Created by God

    December 29, 2012 2:21 pm 176 comments

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    Author:

    Adam Nelson

    Unlike all other animals on Earth, cats are unholy and born with natural sin.  From the time it comes clawing from its mother’s womb, a cat is a reprehensible beast who represents the worst qualities that humanity can imagine:  social welfare mooching, clingy, remarkably germy, defiant, ungrateful and unChristian.  With such blatantly bad qualities, it is a shock that any sane people would want to own a cat.  But beyond the simple realities of why cat ownership is bad, there is Biblical historical authority that proves cats are unholy and can bring about the fall of civilization.

    In short, cats are not of God.  Cats are of the devil.

    When you read through all of the Bible, you will quickly notice one fact:  cats are the only domestic animal never mentioned in the Bible.  In a historical archive of humanity’s spiritual history and Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (what Bible stands for), God is so repulsed by cats that he forbids the mention of them in his Holy Book.

    By this logic, cats are more evil than Satan.  The devil can at least be talked about in the Bible, but despite their widespread presence in the time of ancient Egypt -where a good portion of the Bible was reported- notice how they are not talked about.

    Ancient Cats And the Bible

    Scientists agree that domestic cats were created 10,000 years ago, some 4,000 years before God created mankind.  Cats were created as an ethereal companion pet of Satan, who likely stroked them as he wrote demonic metal music and plotted to overthrow God in heaven.  As we know, Satan’s little planned coup-de-tat failed and he was thrown into the lowest pits of hell, where all his demons belong burning for all eternity.

    Somehow in God’s wrath, cats were spared and eventually allowed to live on Earth with all the other animals created by God.  It seems that God cast cats out of heaven and onto Earth about 10,000 years ago, with ancient Egypt being the site of their first residence.

    The first cats that crept upon the Earth were duplicitious at best.  Any cat owner will tell you that cats are unbelievably sneaky and smart, usually able to open doors and perform small feats that defy God’s physics and constraints for Earth.  It is this ‘supernatural’ or magic ability that explains why cats serve as familiars for Wiccan atheists as well as pure witches.

    Toxoplasmosis parasite fully grown will wrap around the brain stem of a weak-willed human, usually a woman, then urge them to do the will of cats and Satan. This is Satan’s new way of reproducing.

    But all this started in ancient Egypt.  God sent Moses to free the children of Israel, but King Pharoah was already under the influence of t0xoplasmosis.  This parasite is pictured at right and is usually located in clutches of microscopic billions, as it is the sperm of Satan himself.

    When cats are in heat, male or female, they mist this parasite all over the home.  Each toxoplasmosis parasite carries the DNA of Satan himself, little miniature dragons that greedily rush to a human’s brain as a bevy of sperm do a female’s egg.  Once one of the parasites has successfully implanted with a human’s brain, the others die off and the main parasite quickly grows at the rate of a tapeworm.
    It wraps itself around the cat owner’s brain and ‘converts’ the person into a scary, mindless drone who does the will of cats and Satan.
    How many of you have friend who wear all black, celebrate ‘Yule’ or even worse listen to metal music during the Christmas season?  This is all manifestation of Satan and likely toxoplasmosis.  You will notice that your friend with these habits either own a cat or have a close friend who owns a cat.
    With little to no sanitary knowledge, the people of ancient Egypt quickly found ruin when cats were cast from heaven and into their society.  Has it ever struck you as odd that Egyptian pharoahs would be so smug and condescending, they would force their slaves and servants to be buried alive with them, so they could be ‘served’ during the aferlife?
    Have you ever noticed that your cat sits perched on a couch or seat, lording over a room like a pharoah of old?  This is no coincidence. Satan created cats to be smug and think of themselves superior to even that of holy angels, so looking down upon humans and plotting our demise/eternal servitude is no new thing to them.
    Cats know and understand that they are cats:  they have a sense of self-awareness.  Unlike other animals, cats know and understand that we are human, that Satan is Satan and that God is God.  Try to take a cat in a church, and you will be hit with a hissing furball of frustrated, fearful anger.  Cats are the little vessel concubines of Satan, meant to infect us all with the devil’s toxoplasmosis DNA and make us servants unto a dark master.
    It is needless to say with Pharoahs under the control of Satan and forcing people to become slaves, building ridiculous monuments and focused on taking drugs, that the society of Egypt quickly fell.  This takes us to the time of the Greeks and Romans.  And to our own Anglo-Saxon history.
    As you can note from history, every society of mankind has fallen.  And the fall of that society coincided with the number of homed and stray cats.
    Rome fell because not only cat ownership increased, but also because stray cats increased.  With increased numbers of stray cats comes an increased presence of Satan.  Even today, cats can lead researchers into ancient, forgotten tombs where ancient cat-hoarding preists lay in slumber.  During the highest period of cat population of Earth (The Dark Ages), humanity fell ill to The Black Death.  This illness followed cats from ancient-Egypt to present day Europe.
    The naive will try to blame rodents, but it is actually cats who eat the flesh of diseased vermin and then nip/lick the hands of humans who were to blame.  Still today, cats are killing people with the plague.  And since killing humans with the plague is the penultimate example of violating the Ten Commandments, we can clearly see cats have no love for Christ in their hearts.  And this is because they are not of God.
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    About The Author
    Adam Nelson

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