Have you noticed it’s a little darker than usual outside? It’s no coincidence that the Winter Solstice is on a crash course collision with The End Days as predicted by Mayan Time keepers. That marks today’s sunrise on 12-21-2012 as the official Dawn of Destruction, it is upon us at once. But I didn’t see any sun rise, did you? as The skies turn tumultuous and deadly we will slowly begin to feel the ripple effects of apocalyptic doom in about 12 hours. It will be important to enjoy your last moments on earth with a hearty buzz, so if you’re bunker is stocked and your bug-out-bag is brimming like a Christmas stocking, it’s time to resupply the liquor cabinet one last time. Take into consideration what you’ll be consuming as you fight for survival in the aftermath of global devastation, nuclear meltdown and zombie uprising. Life is a battlefield ; after today that is. Since nothing goes together like alcohol and destruction, you’ll want to start early to stave off the impact of vertigo that accompanies Earth’s shifting axis. Pay attention to the warning signs which you won’t notice at first. Nausea, feelings of dizziness and a metallic taste in your mouth all signal signs of Earth’s off-center pivot. before long you’ll feel a sense of awkward clumsiness and gravitational thrashing much like riding a Tilt-O-Whirl without a safety strap. This is where motion sickness pills, like Dramamine will help take the edge off head-spinning confusion you might want to avoid. On judgement Day especially, you want to show good judgement yourself by not making any rash decisions. It could be life costing, so plan accordingly. I asked a few of my bartender friends, and though they’re busy preparing for tonight’s infestivities, a few of them had these cocktail
recommendations. Start off with a round of shots, I’m going with Hot Damn cinnamon Schnapps . Begin with a Burning Cross : a shooter of Bacardi 151, Hot Damn and Kahlua set ablaze. Or, try the appropriate Inferno : Club Canadian Whiskey and Hot Damn, also ignited by fire. These flaming shots will warm your belly like a hot toddy on a cold winter’s eve. But this is no ordinary Winter’s Eve. You’ll need to keep the fires cooking as temperatures plummet . Volcanic activity will wipe out the sun and you could be hit by falling debris and lava. How about a Sunny Dream? Apricot Brandy, OJ and Cointreau– sunny dreams will no doubt be replaced by sub-zero dreams when the meteors hit and your fighting off hypothermia, but not for long. Meteor showers, asteroids, alien death stars and radiation will ignite the sparks once more charring the landscape that will scald the soles off your feet. This is when drinking can enter a more serious phase as you search for recipes that will help cool off your body , because soon you’ll be sweating harder than Ted Nugent in a library. As the earth’s inner core rises in heat this will spell foul weather conditions , earthquakes, tsunamis and floods. The Amsterdam Pub in NH has some other drink suggestions. Swept Away is an elegant cocktail consisting of Cinzano and rum, or try a Blue Lagoon : Blue Caracao and Grey Goose. While imbibing, you can imagine yourself sploshing about in a blue lagoon, dodging deadly meteors while waves thrust you around like a dingy in the port of Doom. Hang on Sailor Jerry! Even the Incredible Hulk can’t save you now, but you can drink him in like a fine wine with Hypnotic Liquor and Hennessy– an incredible bright green concoction that will make your muscles swell. This would also be time for disrobing. As the night comes crashing down, why not mix up a batch of Zombies to share with the neighbors? You can exchange drink recipes and compare notes on how to deal with the Undead. It’s going to be a long night, so might as well make the best of it. But look on the bright side! After tomorrow there will be no more dentist appointments, no bills to pay or IEP meetings to attend. Say goodbye to taxes! Don’t even worry about your cholesterol Chris Christie, have another box of donuts! Here’s a toast to you, Cruel World, I loved you till the end. Even though you were a Bitch, you were still a Wonderful World.