• The End has Begun – Start Drinking Now!

    December 21, 2012 12:53 pm 12 comments

     

    I told you all this would happen.

    I told you all this would happen.

    Have you noticed it’s a little darker than usual outside? It’s no coincidence that the Winter Solstice is on a crash course collision with The End  Days as predicted by Mayan Time keepers. That marks today’s sunrise on  12-21-2012 as the official Dawn of Destruction, it is upon us at once. But I didn’t see any sun rise, did you?  as The skies turn  tumultuous and deadly we will slowly begin to feel the ripple effects of apocalyptic doom in  about 12 hours. It will be important to enjoy your last  moments on earth with a hearty buzz, so if you’re bunker is stocked and your bug-out-bag is brimming like a Christmas stocking, it’s time to resupply the liquor cabinet one last time. Take into consideration  what you’ll be consuming as you fight for survival in the aftermath of global devastation, nuclear meltdown and zombie uprising. Life is a battlefield ; after today that is.  Since nothing goes together  like alcohol and destruction, you’ll want to start early  to stave off the impact of vertigo that accompanies Earth’s shifting axis. Pay attention to the warning signs which you won’t notice at first. Nausea, feelings of dizziness and a metallic taste in your mouth all signal signs of Earth’s off-center pivot.  before long you’ll feel a sense of awkward clumsiness and  gravitational thrashing much like riding a Tilt-O-Whirl without a safety strap. This is where motion sickness pills, like Dramamine will help take the edge off head-spinning confusion  you might want to avoid. On judgement Day especially, you want to show good judgement yourself by not making any rash decisions. It could be life costing, so  plan accordingly. I asked a few of my bartender friends, and though they’re  busy preparing for tonight’s infestivities, a few of them had these cocktail

    Hello and Goodbye Sailor! Down the hatch!

    For the beer drinkers-La Fin Du Monde, as suggested by Eric Z of Manchester, NH

    For the beer drinkers-La Fin Du Monde, as suggested by Eric Z of Manchester, NH

    recommendations. Start off with a round of shots, I’m going with Hot Damn cinnamon Schnapps . Begin with  a Burning Cross :  a shooter of Bacardi 151, Hot Damn and Kahlua set ablaze. Or, try the appropriate Inferno : Club Canadian Whiskey and Hot Damn, also ignited by fire. These flaming shots will warm your belly like a hot toddy on a cold winter’s eve. But this is no ordinary Winter’s Eve. You’ll need to keep the fires cooking as temperatures plummet . Volcanic activity  will wipe out the sun and you could be hit by falling debris and lava.  How about a Sunny Dream? Apricot Brandy, OJ and Cointreau- sunny dreams will no doubt be replaced by sub-zero dreams when the meteors hit and your fighting off hypothermia, but not for long. Meteor showers, asteroids, alien death stars and radiation will ignite the sparks once more charring the  landscape that will  scald the soles off your feet. This is when drinking can enter a more serious phase as you search for recipes that will help cool off your body , because soon you’ll be sweating harder than Ted Nugent in a library. As  the earth’s inner core rises in heat this will  spell foul weather conditions , earthquakes, tsunamis and floods. The Amsterdam Pub in NH has some other drink suggestions. Swept Away is an elegant cocktail consisting of Cinzano and rum, or try a Blue Lagoon : Blue Caracao and Grey Goose. While imbibing, you can imagine yourself sploshing about in  a blue lagoon, dodging deadly meteors while waves  thrust you around like a dingy in the port of Doom. Hang on Sailor Jerry! Even the Incredible Hulk can’t save you now, but you can drink him in like a fine wine with Hypnotic Liquor and Hennessy- an incredible bright green concoction that will make your muscles swell. This would also be time for disrobing. As the night comes crashing down, why not mix up a batch of Zombies to share with the neighbors? You can exchange drink recipes and compare notes on how to deal with the Undead. It’s going to be a long night, so might as well make the best of it. But look on the bright side! After tomorrow there will be no more dentist appointments, no bills to pay or IEP meetings to attend. Say goodbye to taxes! Don’t even worry about your cholesterol Chris Christie, have another box of donuts! Here’s a toast to you, Cruel World, I loved you till the end. Even though you were a Bitch, you were still a Wonderful World.

     

    A Jager Bomb should be explosive!

    A Jager Bomb should be explosive

     

    Serve a batch of zombies to neighbors before they turn into them.

    Serve a batch of zombies to neighbors before they turn into them.

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    About The Author
    Eunice Political agitator at Americans for Inequality, campaigned strongly against Vermin Supreme until I cured him of demonic possession. Now we are BFFs. I enjoy the Facebook, crochet and mixing martinis, especially dirty ones. I'm a lonely widow only seeking to meet new friends as my life is an absurd island of loneliness. I believe in faith and wisdom. Hard work is a staple to a happy, productive living. I swim and do the yogas but for the most part shopping and relaxing at spas keeps me very busy and useful. I'm proud to be a well off American. Scrabble anyone? I'll kick your ass.

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