• Anonymous “Haxxor” Group Knocks Out Power At Super Bowl, Demands Free Wi-Fi For All Americans

    February 3, 2013 9:23 pm 43 comments

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    EzekielAsch

    The American psyche is the latest victim of the amorphous super collective known only as “Anonymous.” In a brute display of force, this terrorist organization hacked into the mainframe of the Superdome and proceeded to turn off the juice. Players and fans alike stand terrified in absolute darkness, waiting to be victimized by armed criminals who refuse to follow gun laws.  Posts on the Hentai website ForChan reveal the intent of the cyberradicals, declaring that quote “All information should be free!” and refusing to return power to the darkened stadium until President Obama agreed to concede to their demands for free stuff including but not limited to; discount of Monster Rehab and other energy beverages with EBT, upgrading all Obamafones to the new Iphone5Obamafones, and the establishment of a national Wi-Fi server in order to combat “the tyranny of shitty internet providers”. President Obama was unable to comment, but all the major experts agree that he will likely surrender to the will of terrorists, as history has shown us time and time again.

     

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    About The Author
    EzekielAsch Ezekiel Asch is one of the nation’s most prominent “Off-The-Grid” Journalists, classically educated in the art of Rhetoric. As a retired motivational speaker who suffers from Cleft Palate, Mr. Asch has spent decades educating citizens across the heartland how to effectively express their dissatisfaction in regards to Big Government and Out-Of-Control spending in settings such as local town halls and regional marketplaces.

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