Anonymous “Haxxor” Group Knocks Out Power At Super Bowl, Demands Free Wi-Fi For All Americans
The American psyche is the latest victim of the amorphous super collective known only as “Anonymous.” In a brute display of force, this terrorist organization hacked into the mainframe of the Superdome and proceeded to turn off the juice. Players and fans alike stand terrified in absolute darkness, waiting to be victimized by armed criminals who refuse to follow gun laws. Posts on the Hentai website ForChan reveal the intent of the cyberradicals, declaring that quote “All information should be free!” and refusing to return power to the darkened stadium until President Obama agreed to concede to their demands for free stuff including but not limited to; discount of Monster Rehab and other energy beverages with EBT, upgrading all Obamafones to the new Iphone5Obamafones, and the establishment of a national Wi-Fi server in order to combat “the tyranny of shitty internet providers”. President Obama was unable to comment, but all the major experts agree that he will likely surrender to the will of terrorists, as history has shown us time and time again.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: EzekielAsch
Ezekiel Asch is one of the nation’s most prominent “Off-The-Grid” Journalists, classically educated in the art of Rhetoric. As a retired motivational speaker who suffers from Cleft Palate, Mr. Asch has spent decades educating citizens across the heartland how to effectively express their dissatisfaction in regards to Big Government and Out-Of-Control spending in settings such as local town halls and regional marketplaces.
10:35 pm
“Ezekiel Asch is one of the nation’s most prominent “Off-The-Grid” Journalists”
Then how are you typing this?
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12:18 am
Journalism is hands on work. It’s about meeting the news-makers and making fast rational judgments in real time. It isn’t, young man, sitting behind a keyboard launching personal ad hominem attacks against one of the few people in the world looking out for your best interests.
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1:41 am
‘Fast’ and ‘rational’ are very rarely used cooperatively. By the way, get a dictionary and look up ‘ad hominem’, ya damned idiot.
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12:03 pm
So he was a little redundant. He didn’t use it incorrectly. Plus, this is ChristWire. You can’t tell me you’re getting worked up about anything on here. Wait, you are? Have fun with that. Anger wasted on petty internet arguments on a website intended for either mass deception or the consumption of the semi-intelligent for hilarity is time wasted. Now, I shall stop wasting my time. Good day, sir!
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10:26 am
Journalism is dead. It’s either corporate owned, ideologically biased, or both. Your work (at least in this instance) is nothing short of a scare tactic based upon a rumor from a social website. “In a brute display of force, this terrorist organization…”, I mean, come on, really? And the free market comment? That is a clear example of neo-Christian values. You can do well by exploiting others, right? If you aspire to be a journalist of any significance, do some hands on work and blow some whistles. By the way, how’s that kool-aid taste going down?
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11:37 am
What you just said is that the world must WORK for things that create jobs? I’d love to point out that isn’t a very accurate statement, nor is this article.
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10:39 pm
Anonymous is not a terrorist group but a “Hacktivist” group. Their plans are never set up to intentionally harm anyone, but to highlight important issues and sometimes get a laugh in the process. Nor would you see a true member of Anon coming to the Superbowl with a gun.
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12:02 am
Man, if only there was a way that Free Wifi could exist.
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12:20 am
The only thing in the world that’s actually “Free” is the Free Market, and if you can’t make enough money to pay for the things that you want to own (like internet), then maybe you should work harder or start saving your money so that you can have the things you want.
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7:36 am
hmm…
http://fotoninja.nl/uploads/images/i-cant-get-a-job-because-1347645601.jpg
The Free Market is broken anymore. not that capitalism is bad, but humans are intrinsically evil creatures and have no qualms in taking everything for themselves if given the power.
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7:43 pm
That was a cool picture…Get some experience outside of having a job…That might be a solution.
I thought that was what college was for…
…I’ve figured out by now that I’m wrong…
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9:16 pm
College is a giant waste of time, money and energy. the only thing it’s good for is making it easier to land a job. Iff that’s the case, I can just continuously apply to places for four years; saves me the money I don’t have and I can spend it on important things.
maybe I can just settle for GIMP. the UI baffles me, but it’s better than shelling out $400 every time I upgrade my system.
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1:23 pm
The only thing it’s good for is making it easier to land a job…
…It doesn’t even do THAT very well…
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5:09 pm
GIMP…Yeah, it’s a free download…
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7:36 pm
That was actually a good comment. Work. It gets you farther than sitting and doing nothing. Saving with compound interest helps, too.
Oh, and you can get rid of expensive habits, like smoking. It’s expensive, I hear.
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7:39 pm
WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK DON’T GET PAID BECAUSE YOU WORK FOR YOUR PARENTS…
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7:41 pm
You know, leaf-blowing, pool cleaning…Room cleaning? School? (That’s work, I know, It’s hard to beleive) All I do is work.
Nah, I get some time off…If I finish my work.
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7:06 pm
someone working 40-60 Hour/weeks and still can’t pay all of His Bill because his Boss is a Jackass ? you can’t work harder than that it’s not good for helath and therefore You are worker Not slave
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6:40 pm
McDonald’s has it star bucks every where I. Disney world
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2:19 am
It was most likely just an accident… I don’t see how Anonymous would be involved…
Also, you trusted 4.Chan… Really? I almost feel bad for you…
I had to put the period between the “4″ and “chan” because I think the site blocks comments with the full word in it…
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7:38 pm
Yeah, I thought that 4(well here it goes, period insert).Chan was a seedy sort of place that wasn’t real well know for journalistic integrity.
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7:47 pm
…Or any other type of integrity.
Poor old guy went and thought that he had found a proper news source…Yeah…
I feel sorry for him, too.
It’s sad.
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9:33 am
I’m sure it happened because they were supplying way to much juice to the stadium at the time, and HAXXOR’s had nothing to do with it. Where the heck do you come up with this crap? And I’m sure Anonymous is smart enough to know how much free WiFi across the United States would cost.
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10:14 am
This article is perfect material for “The Onion”
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10:18 am
#HailSatan ALLAHU AKBAR!
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10:24 am
Did April Fool’s come early this year?
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11:00 am
Gross article by an egotistical old fart. I think I threw up a little. Why is it that everyone thinks they are a journalist now?? You wrote a blog. And you reply to all the replies. YOU get a real job and GTFO the Internet please and thank you.
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11:35 am
I’m afraid that this entire article is inaccurate. Allow me to point out several discrepancies:
1. Anonyomous? Terrorist? Oh please, using those two works in a sentence is like saying Barack Obama is a Republican.
2. They did not cut the power if you were unaware of this. You would think the media would know that the NFL is still investigating this.
3. Armed? Really? Armed?
Please consider the accurate truths before making up a whole article of lies just so you can gain attention.
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7:32 pm
I didn’t see more than 1:27 of the super bowl, I think. I’m not a sports guy. That’s weird, I know. I don’t like sports. Some people do, I guess, especially foot-ball. I don’t care.
BTW, I think that this article is wrong.
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7:45 pm
I come from CA and could have cared less when the 49ers lost…I know…I’m so apathetic when it comes to maters as *un* significant as that.
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8:57 pm
Baseball is the only sport.
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7:10 pm
please explains to me what is The definition of Terrorism ?
Because anonymous is well praised among population of the entire world
is it because it’s harm your so beloved capitalism ideology ??? because anonymous never really harmed citizen
SO My quetsion is : what you call Terrorist/terrorism ?
is american capable of Terrorism ? Is christian capable of terrorism ?
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8:53 pm
I looked iut up for you:
The use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.
That’s what it means.
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9:24 pm
Anonymous would hardly bother themselves with something as trivial as politics.
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11:18 pm
I know The real definition of Terrorism but what about these people ? theys ee terrorism everywhere that affect negatively americans even if it’s helpful for the entire world
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4:39 pm
Dear Lord, please save the Superbowl and restore its holiness. Amen.
Come on folks, God hears your prayers.
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9:25 pm
I pray for destruction.
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5:03 pm
I would love for Anonymous to read this and to take you on… I think I’ll put my money on Anonymous winning ^_^
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11:17 pm
no need of anonymous to shut down this site its shut down itself …
they are like 3-4 people behind this and well msot of them sucks at It
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6:09 pm
That is true lol
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