As any cat owner can tell you, felines have an almost human quality and understanding of life. It is not uncommon to find cats opening a cabinet to obtain their food, or after observing a human using the ‘potty’ for enough days, to take the task on for themselves.
Cats are smart, to the point that they can understand law and order. Cats can maintain and abide by rules of the home. It is simple to teach a cat that she cannot sit on the furniture or stomp your pillow to make a bad. Gently beating the cat’s hind legs or head will disuade them from such mistakes.
The same is said of making a kitten learn to use a litter box. A cat knows that a ‘mistake’ on the furniture or shoe in the closet can result in a loving wrath from her owner, so she will always use the litter box. Cats can learn basic human concepts, but with that, comes an important question and realization: should we enforce human law upon cats. Since they live in close proxy to us, the answer is yes.
Think about it like this: if a dog bites a human, it will be tried and quite possibly put on death row. A dog is judged by its ability to maintain law and order. Some dogs do bite people and unfortunately, there is no chance for rehabilitation.
Once a biter, always a biter.
So we must apply the legal precedent to humanity’s other common, free-roaming companion: the cat. Cats should face the same scrutiny if they decide to attack humans. If you get attacked by your pet cat, let us say either by enduring and suffering a barrage of scratches or even worse, a bite, you should go the the Emergency Room and report an assault. Animal control will come out to interview you, then go take the cat in for evaluation and questioning of morals. Is it a dangerous animal? As a pet owner, you are oft blinded to the truth behind your cat. What you may see as sweet and innocent, a skilled outsider will recognize as abusive, controlling and quite possibly deadly.
Cats are duplicitous and understand human psychology. They are master manipulators who rule your life with Machiavellian contempt and prowess: one minute they are letting you give them a belly rub, the next second, a lighting fast display of teeth and painful scars because you gave ‘one rub too many’. The Prince teaches that to rule a kingdom, your subjects must fear your wrath and pine to give you affection. A cat lives out the dream rule of The Prince.
Simply stated, having a mentally aware cat in the house is the same suffering, agonizing relationship a loving parent feels toward a drug-addicted son or daughter. The parent showers love and tries to make things right, ignoring the bad habits of their little ward. But the ward, ever so messed upin the mind, takes advantage of their genorous, agape love and strangles the life and energy from her owners.
Just like you must do a marijuana addicted youth, you must take the ‘tough love’ approach to truly put a cat in its place. There is no rehabilitation for these types of behaviors: excessive drinking, blatant rudeness, promiscuity, addiction, lazy until video games/electronics turned on).
How many times have you sat down to your computer, to send some pressing emails or communiques with friends, when suddenly your lazy cat must jump up onto your keyboard or in front of your laptop’s screen, pawing about and then turning its backside to you, exposing its exremental flesh wound to your face. That sort of sadistic, sick behavior is that of a drug user. The cat wants to dominate your life and drag you into its perverted way of seeing life.
Even while reading this article, you cat owners out there have either shaken your head, laughed in understanding or are crying right now. Some of you are enduring these dangerous, symptomatic cat behaviors as you read and share this work. But let me give you something: if you really need to know if you must call the authorities on your cat, do this one simple test.
Go to your local pet store and buy some catnip. It is like marijuana unto a cat. Spray some onto the cat’s face. A few outcomes will occur:
1. If the cat becomes visibly excited and runs around, greedly scooping the carpet and seeking more, you have a virgin addict. The cat has a gene set that is primed for addiction and exploitation. It is like a young schizophrenic, just too young to diagnose to the untrained eye, but its eventual dangerous habits will emerge. It is best to just take this type of cat in to the vet or animal shelter, and let them unfortunately send the cat to forever paradise in seven days.
2. The cat’s eyes may become wide and dilated, while the cat gets the ‘stoner glaze’. You have all seen at least one drug-addicted bum hanging around a late-night 7-11, barrio, Cal-State Fullerton campus or some such. If your cat gets the glaze, it means its body is so used to drugs, it has no problem with a direct puff of kitty marijuana right into its face. Sorry, but the cat needs to be put down.
3. Violence. Some cats will hiss at you and try to scratch you, then run off and peak to plot a worse attack. If your cat does this, immediately run! You have a violent biter on your hands! Immediately close the door and pull it tight (cats can open closed doors). Run behind another closed door that you can put an object in front of and call animal control, tell them to bring a team, maybe some tranquilizer darts (if you have an exotic species of cat) and be prepared to say goodbye. Cats are known to bite and maul, sometimes giving out Bubonic bites. There was another story of a person who did this test and ignored that cats violent behavior, who then came to regret their foolishness because several months later, the cat suffocated their baby ‘because it smelled milk on the breath’.
The owner took the cat in to be put down, disagreeing with veterinary assessment. “The cat was a violent drug addict, and I ignored the symptoms. Now my baby is dead.”
Don’t ignore the symptoms. If your cat is addicted to catnip, it must be arrested/jailed.