• Third World Bus Mission: Detroit

    February 24, 2013 2:15 am 68 comments
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  • The buses in Third World countries like Detroit are not as nice as the buses in America.

    The buses in Third World countries like Detroit are not as nice as the buses in America.

    As many of you know, I have recently been on a World-wide missionary trip. I have traveled to many faraway and exotic lands, bringing clean drinking water, technology and, of course, Christianity to the squalor of these third world countries. The truly amazing thing about these places is how happy people are, despite all of the horrible conditions that they have to live with on a daily basis. Personally, if I had to live in the type of “Hell on Earth” that people in places like Detroit or East L.A. do on a daily basis, I would not be as cheerful as they seem to be.

    The first thing that I noticed was the appalling conditions of public transportation in these places. As you might recall, I don’t believe that public transportation should even exist anymore. You can read about that here The conditions that these folks suffer through on a daily basis are even worse than normal though. Imagine going to a large concert that only had one Port-a-Potty, but that one had 200 seats inside of it, that is what these buses in Detroit were like.

    While I was waiting at my predetermined stop for the bus that we had rented for this mission trip, I looked around at the culture of this place. On that street, there were 5 liquor stores, 4 chicken shops and 12 gun stores. The others waiting for the bus at this stopped had an overwhelming smell of fried chicken, watermelon, gunfire and meth marijuana. Thankfully, I had opted to keep 3 members of my security team with me at the stop this time, rather than spreading them out along the route to weed out any trouble makers. If I hadn’t kept them with me, I surely would have been mugged, raped, murdered and then raped again. I could see these tribals lusting after, not only my very fit body, but also my massive wallet that was full of cash due to the fact that Third World countries like Detroit do not accept American Express or Visa cards. Even with my extra security members by my side, I didn’t feel completely safe due to a Muslim Terrorist also waiting for the bus. It was clear that she was hiding something, possibly nuclear, under her burka. Why else would she only allow her eyes to be seen?

    Thankfully, the bus arrived before that Muslim woman was able to detonate her nuke, and she was waiting for a different route. I immediately called Homeland Security after I boarded the bus, and had her detained for questioning, of course.

    Once on board the bus, the smell of AIDS, Ebola, malt liquor and bodily fluids instantly hit my nose. Luckily, I had seen a reality television show called CSI where the investigators used Vick’s Vap-o-rub under their noses to mask the odors of dead bodies. It almost covered this atrocious stench too.

    I surveyed what I would be dealing with on this particular bus mission trip. It was a complete smorgasbord of multiple cultures. There were tribals(I probably shouldn’t have chosen a stop so close to KFC), muslims, jews, and chineses of all types from Japan, Korea, Vietnam and Thailand. They were even a few gays.

    One of the gays on my bus

    One of the gays on my bus

    After I surveyed the situation and noted some questionable suspects to my security team, who they promptly removed from the bus at the next stop, I proceeded to explain to everyone on board that this would be the last stop until my sermon had concluded. At that point, there was so much screaming of joy and adulation that I couldn’t really understand any of the hundreds of compliments and joyous quotes people were showering on me, but I could see that they truly wanted to hear the word of God on that day.

    I decided that due to the multi-cultural situation that I was in, I would discuss something that has affected every single one of these communities, slavery. Slavery has always been a favorite subject of mine to study, and it still happens today in Third World places, so I felt like this topic would help fill the gap between our species. The Bible is very clear about slavery, and should be used today in the workforce as a guide about when it is proper to fire an employee.

    First off, let me explain that the Bible and I are not using the term “slavery” or “slaves” in the horrible way that it was used to describe the Afro-Saxons before the great Republican named Abraham Lincoln set them free, but it is used as a term for an employee or someone who has entered into a contract with another. The word slavery took on a dark meaning (no pun intended) in the late 1700s through the late 1800s. This is a known fact.

    My first quote from the Bible brought great gasps and moans of joy from the passengers.

    Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)

    Detroit has an 18% unemployment rate, so it is obvious that these employees have not been treating their bosses with respect and fear. It seems that in Obama’s America, people just don’t appreciate what is being given to them. With Obama handing out Welfare checks like candy on Halloween, people don’t seem to care about the pecking order of their jobs anymore. Now they think they are more important than the owners of their company. They believe that just because “Obamafare” pays them more than their job that they can just quit, and sit on a couch smoking Magic Mint Bath Salts or injecting marijuana all day, instead of working hard and moving up in their company in order to get paid more. Respect and fear need to return to the American businesses. We, business owners, have been oppressed for too long now. Four years of Obama giving our employees free money is four years too long, and now we will need to endure it for four more years unless the impeachment process hurries up.

    Some of the travelers on this bus trip

    Some of the travelers on this bus trip

    My second verse proved that these bus riders understood what was expected of them, and approved of my thoughts on the subject, because they all remained seated with their mouths wide open in anticipation of my next words.

    The servant will be severely punished, for though he knew his duty, he refused to do it. “But people who are not aware that they are doing wrong will be punished only lightly. Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given.” (Luke 12:47-48 NLT)

    Anyone who willingly is insubordinate, deserves to be punished harshly, but those who do something wrong also need to be punished even if they didn’t know it was wrong. It’s like swatting a dog on the nose with a newspaper for urinating on the carpet before they are potty trained. It helps them learn that it is wrong to pee on the floor. Just like when you give your wife a love tap across her cheek for having dinner ready 3 minutes too late, or for ironing your underwear incorrectly. A few punishments will help them realize they have acted inappropriately, and they will more than likely not do it again.

    This black was fired for not waking up in time to get to its job.

    This black was fired for not waking up in time to get to its job.

    My third, and final verse on this bus mission was meant to show all the riders that no matter what we do, we should do it with all our energy, because there is only one true master, God.

    Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.(Collosians 4:1)

    This verse seemed to really hit home with the riders of this bus. I know this, because once I read it and told them it was my last verse of the day, they all started cheering and screaming “Praise the Lord” or “Hallelujah”. I truly knew that these bus riders were ready to enter their jobs and were prepared to treat their bosses(masters) with much more respect. At the time I was in Detroit, unemployment was at 21%, after my bus mission trip unemployment stands at just 18%. A 3% decrease since I was there. Say anything you want about my bus mission trips, but the numbers do not lie.

    As I left the bus, many people started cheering and yelling “Thank God”, because I had showed them the error of their ways. Once again, I completed a very successful and helpful bus mission where many people were saved, and only 42/200 missed their stop and were fired from their jobs (probably for being too lazy or for not owning a car).

    God bless you all, and stay safe.

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    About The Author
    Bruce Myron Danus Years of Mental Gymnastics, and lots of love from Jesus has made this man realize he was not "Born this Way", but instead chose to be a Homogay until he met God and realized God doesn't make mistakes like a homogay.

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